The Eyes of Doom

The eyes will always be there and justice will prevail.

 

 

Spitting fire, burning the cosmos, striking chaos.

Succumb in darkness, agonizing pain, living in vain

The fall, the faith, the hate in the end you will regret

A promise of forever, but it is like a cancer, the principle that brought us fear

Metal to metal, blood to blood, the blast that makes the world sad.

An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries

How many souls must die, serve as a sacrifice to continue this lie?

Throbbing space has bursting emotions of odium, creating a horrific doom,

Run, evade the swords of justice, but the eyes will not compromise,

Swallowing one’s goal, deep into the realm of truth,

fulfill your destiny, and your fall is a prophesy,

The ocean will be the perfect place, for the dark fighters demise.

Reviews

[Imara]

Could this be about the Boston Bombing? "An innocent boy standing, as your unwanted sacrifice, died for your obscure cries." A sad moment in our history, may he rest in peace.
On your actual poem. I think it should be broken up more. Where a lot of your second commas are I would delete make a new line and let it flow. Don't let them pause to think. Just keep it coming. Then about your fourth or fifth comma put a period. However that's just for flow and reading not actual grammar. On actual grammar I don't see any spelling mistakes.
Your poem is very powerful and I love the meaning behind it. It gives me hope that in the midst of all this darkness and evil justice in the end will win. Awesome Job :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot Imara, now I learn things from you :) lol I appreciate and value this stuff. I will try to re-write it soon. Thanks a lot.

[Imara]

Welcome ^^ I can't wait to read it :)

[minisla]

Very touching piece. There seems to be no boundaries as to what can be done to achieve chaos.

[Dakshta]

Ok now that was just wow :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Dakshta :)

[Dakshta]

welcome :)

[Gerald Parker]

Admiration for your zeal.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir. :)

[Gerald Parker]

Welcome. I'm easing myself off this site - I'm not getting enough hits or critique.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Really? oh so sad, don't stop writing you are a good writer. Thanks for the help I appreciate you kindness and support for my work.

[Terohime]

Great write looking for more from you.
~Res

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Res. :)

[Writer #00]

Beautiful, the separation of phrases along with linkage by commas is well conceived.

,,,,,/100

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you :)

[Rhianne Ney]

This is a sad poem and it happens nowadays with the on going terrorism. Nice write, kabayan. Ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Such a painfully mournful piece. I feel a somber and frenzied quality to this write. The imagery is quite beautiful, despite the pain. Well done, my friend.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks GF :) glad you like it.

[Mike Emil]

that ocean is running hot like brandy warm

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot. :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

There's little doubt about where you drew this inspiration from. I think you've expressed it as well as anyone else. Keep writing, poet and let us see ourselves through your mind.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:) Thanks for the reads.