THEY

...for Helena's latest contest, with a twist...

            THEY

 

They're    ever in my mind, those imps,

Writing    words no heart ought ever read,

Songs       no tongue dares utter...

 

Of            one thing I am sure:

Love        WILL surely triumph over hatred,

But          will it do so in MY lifetime?

 

Not          likely, I freely admit

For          I behold it now, receding again from

Me,          as I weep my impatient tears...

 

 

Reviews

[John Stussy]

The duality of the beginning words of each line and the rest of the poem makes for an interesting read. To me it speaks of an outward appearance of scoffing at something, stating the foolishness of a topic and shunning it, yet inwardly wanting to be a part of whatever it would be. I enjoyed the style you presented Mark.

[Aimee Mahathy]

This is amazing! It's such a unique form! It's like an offspring of the acrostic~
And the fixed nature of the words of the phrase being put at the beginning of all the lines does not stall the poem at all! Usually, when we try to fit a poem within the confines of a form, if we do not do it 100% correctly, it comes out unnatural. However, this piece of yours flows as smooth as if there were no form at all!
The first stanza kind of reminds me of Poe. Where he says "dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before" or something of that nature. I think it speaks a lot about the nature of the poet. We contemplate so much, look past what is before us and take it a step further. We do the same with emotions, I think. So easily we can "make a mountain out of a molehill", so to speak. Therefore, the idea of you having the ability to write words so horrible that you cannot even let another soul hear them, is not impossible. But, the thought of that is very strong. It began the poem on such a foreboding note that I couldn't help but continue.
The overall tone of anguish is perfectly woven throughout this. The hopelessness of being convinced that mankind will not wake up from their selfish self destruction is very real. I struggle with the same sentiment all the time. Wanting to do so much to make that peace a reality, but sinking back into my chair in defeat. Because the masses that don't realize this truth so heavily outweigh those that do.
This is a brilliant piece! I enjoyed reading it so much!

[cest la vie]

Now this is Kewl.. First the Large print words are apoem unto them selves. Then you have so creatively used them as the lead off for each sentence. That winds the whole piece together. Wonderful.. Yet it is a piece of doubt and confusion..
Thi is reallygod work, Mark.. High Five!!!

[Markymark]

This is a creative and fun piece. I'm glad to see that you are getting your creative juices flowing again. I was just wondering about the third line in the second stanza, the "but will it so so in MY lifetime". This reads a little rough. Perhaps it needs a comma, or something to let us know that there is a break between the so and the second so. I don't know might just be me--- sometimes I'm a little thick. Other than that, I loved it.

Mark

[JENY]

Feel like I read a poem.....
that has different way of ...
entering into its form.....
Nice really....

[Jenny Nelson]

What a clever use of the line! It's a wonderful poem that keeps us hopeful that love will triumph over all, even if that time won't be seen by all. A very strong, impressive piece.

[An owl on the moon]

I love the dualistic purpose and depth of your write! Here you have created a stream of thoughts, the triumph of love, yet at what time.. when will it come? Powerful, moving work that made for a brilliant read!

[EmpressPoetess]

Excellent! I love the style and form, and the weighty words.

[Helena]

A word acrostic Mark, how wonderful! This was brilliantly written and I love where the phrase took your muse! Bravo! Thanks for "Keeping the Dream Alive"! ~ Helena