Behind Every Great Genocidal Man

You might imagine Genghis Khan as having been the king of his castle, or rather, the head of his tent...but you would be wrong. It was Mrs. Khan who ran the show.

Behind Every Great Genocidal Man

 

MRS. KHAN: Genghis, I know you’ve been busy, but I could use a little help around here.

GENGHIS: I slaughtered over a six hundred people today.

MRS. KHAN: Did I say you don’t work hard?  But honey, I work hard too. These babies don’t feed themselves, you know.

GENGHIS: So what are you saying?

MRS. KHAN: I’m saying that I need a little help around the tent. Would it hurt you to pick up after yourself? The grass needs cutting…and those human heads you keep bringing home are cluttering up the living room. Couldn’t you find somewhere else to put them? If I’ve tripped over one I’ve tripped over a hundred of those bloody things.

GENGHIS: You know, I could slaughter you, too.  

MRS. KHAN: Yes, you could. But who would feed the kids when you’re out there killing and decapitating?

GENGHIS: I could slaughter the kids, too.  Just sayin’.

MRS. KHAN: You’re a slaughtering machine, darling, and I love that about you. That was the first thing that attracted me to you. But let’s be real, if you killed us, who would continue your reign of terror? What if you were…may the gods forbid…accidently killed?

GENGHIS: What would I care? I’d be dead.

MRS. KHAN: That’s not very forward-thinking, Genghis. Without anyone to carry on your reign of terror, you could easily be forgotten by future historians. Don’t you want your sons to carry on your work of killing on a massive scale? Just think, with their help, the name of Khan would forever be enshrined as the most feared of all time.

GENGHIS: I do like the sound of that.

MRS. KHAN: I thought you would. Okay. Now, would you take one of your swords and work on those weeds out back?

GENGHIS: I don’t believe this.

MRS. KHAN: No time like the present, dearest.

GENGHIS: Whatever. (gets up with a groan, droplets of blood falling from his arms)