Creeping Shadows

I found a flower scorching in the sun,
a dreamt up passion fading in the flesh;
and stroked each tender petal, one by one,
'til both our souls were bare enough to mesh.

And so, we danced like whispers in the crowd,
cocooned within the threads of our desire.
While all that hectic world spun 'round so loud,
we nestled in a rage of quiet fire.

And now, the warmth we've shared seems in the air,
so thick the odd breeze beckons me to bask,
and moods that test the heart so often flare,
so here, dear reader, I will plainly ask-

If love is all it takes to make life shine,
then why are shadows creeping into mine?

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Laz K.]

Very well-written, well-thought out poem based on well-percieved movements of the soul where passions, desires, illusions, fantasies gyrate, crashing on the sharp rocks of reality. Love has its own rules and laws, and these are hardly ever compatible with our petty daily lives. Love is a law, a force like gravity: impersonal and absolute. This is what I have to say in response to your request, "Please let me know what you think." Really great poem...really great.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading and your thoughts, Laz! :)

[lightsong]

Because my dear poet, You still are unable to completely separate Your love world, from the hecitic one outside, oh and I'm not saying it's easy to do!

Your poem painted that beautiful world, where You dwell in light, in peace and glory, when two lovers create this world together, the world outside disappear, but it's not easy to keep it always safe, unaffected, it needs work from both, I say try Your best not listening always to the noises outside, fade and shine in the gentle poweful whispers of Your love.

Wonderful write, with a wonderful thought!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Light! :)

[William Liston]

Quite honestly, this is easily my second favorite sonnet (perhaps my first favorite depending on my mood).
It's so unique and vivid in its imagery that one can't help but get trapped within your words. I love how your descriptions carry an imaginiative, abstract quality but still flow with continuity and coherancy. I also enjoyed the lighthearted playfulness of the narrator's voice with a serious, dark undertone beneath. As always, your rhyme and meter are on-point and allow the words to dance upon the screen. Bravo!

A few quibbles:
- "And so, we danced ..." The "and so" seems to act as filler to fulfill the meter. I think you should replace it with something more pointed.
- "seems in the air ..." The word "seems" didn't resonate well with me for some reason.

- William Liston

[mattavelli]

Hello, William! :)
Thanks for the read and review. Do you have suggestions for changes? Which sonnet is your favorite?

[William Liston]

For suggestions, what about "In bliss, we danced ..." and "the warmth we've shared floats/dies/hangs/fades in the air"
My favorite sonnet is Richard's "Life's Song" http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1805226/

[William Liston]

Also consider: *But* now, the warmth we've shared ...

[mattavelli]

Thanks for the suggestions! :)
I see what you mean with the "seems". I'll think it a bit. The "and"s are simple transitions. I used them to mark a change in condition from finding passion, to living with it, to the point it becomes mundane. I wanted each quatrain to add to the description "steadily", hopefully reaching clarity, then whip it into the question at the turn. I know, I use "and" to start sentences way too often. Haha

[Gee]

Many will feel the last two lines Matt, thankfully not me, ( touch wood ) but knowing this place as I do, few will answer.
Another well written piece.....of course

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Gee! :)

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

We are both shadow and light. Without the light there would be no shadows, without love there would be no loss. It's the unanswerable question that we always ask. Great job.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Linda! :)

[barleygirl]

Mind-blowing & awesome! I love the message, the language (nice balance between formal & everyday), & most especially I love the beautifully-crafted imagery using all the senses. This sonnet is damn seductive, my friend. If it even HINTS at the lucky woman your wife must be, then I'm hella happy for her! *wink! wink!* (((HUGS)))

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Barleygirl! :)

[emipoemi]

A great sonnet - right down to a superbly constructed iambic pentameter. And a great twist in the ending at the thought-provoking question. Well done!

[mattavelli]

Thanks, emi! :)