Buried deep

As the troubles get more steep,

it gets harder to deny.

the girl's buried deep,

and sorrows piled high.

 

Tears start to flow,

but only when she's alone.

She can't let them know,

how soft she's grown.

 

They don't have a clue,

she cries until she passes out.

No one knows but I do.

I know because I'm the one your thinking about.

Author's Note

This is the first poem i have written in a long time. I would like to know how i did honest opinions

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

That's actually kinda hot.


Last line i mean.

[sivan]

I wrote a poem similar called the girl in the picture but haven't put it up on the web... I know the feeling... thing that hit me hard was the idea of not wanting anyone to know "how soft she's grown" because I act hard but that's a front

[Androglossia]

The poem shows a lot of emotions. There is this feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well and the dreadful feeling of abandonment.

Your linguistic style is smple yet captivating. Its simplicity and loosely defined structure made it easy to follow. Though it is short it creates an impression of effectiveness. This is a good come back:)

[Annabelle Lee]

good poem. though a bit confusing. nevertheless... good

[Melody]

I love this, and it's very easy to relate to. Great job. :)

[RachelReaper]

Clear emotions and gets your point across well, I think you did a great job at saying what you wanted to say in this poem.

[Tabitha t]

I enjoyed it up until the ending. It seemed to abrupt and doesnt really fit the rhythm of the poem. Well done the beyond that

[Sarah W. French]

It has a great rhythm. The rhyming pattern really works for this poem. You are definitely not losing your touch.

[Aly Jones]

This was amazing. Really shows the emotions. Although, I think it'd be nice to know why she's crying. Is she being bullied? Does she have a crappy home life? What is it?

Not saying that you should change anything. It's still perfect just the way it is. :)