Forsaken Memories

Yet another song/poem. About my ever-cluttered mind.

 

Forsaken Memories

 

As I walk up the hallowed halls

Of my fate

Didn’t think I’d feel this bad

 

Across the lines and endless walls

Burning hate

Tough luck, lost all that I had

 

Don’t wanna think about her

This much

But wishing she’d come back

 

Just staring out across the water

As such

Now it’s everything that I lack

 

Forsaken memories

Lost inside my head

Burning up the pages of my life

As these memories fade

Mourning all that I never had

Stabbing through my heart like a knife

 

As I held her in my arms

Didn’t think

That she’d ever leave me

 

She had seemed so calm

Wouldn’t think

That she’d never forgive me

 

Just wish that she would

Come back

And relive all the good times

 

Just hoping I could

Undo that

And erase all the bad times

 

Forsaken memories

Lost inside my head

Burning up the pages of my life

As these memories fade

Mourning all that I never had

Stabbing through my heart like a knife

 

Just me and my memories, inside my head

Feeling so empty inside, feels like I’m dead

It’s so unfair and I just don’t know why

 

I look alright but I’m bleeding inside

Not sure if I wanna continue the fight

But it’s still worth another try

 

Forsaken memories

Lost inside my head

Burning up the pages of my life

As these memories fade

Mourning all that I never had

Stabbing through my heart like a knife

 

Just bleeding inside

Just bleeding inside

Reviews

[Jasmine]

one of your best, i'd say - i love the refrain.
great piece.

[ghost writer]

keep up the good work

[GunMetal]

I really like the format here. I'm diggin' it. Nicely done, I am curious to see how you'd put it to song.
I agree with what's been said about the "Stabbing through my heart like a knife" verse. Though I have heard songs that breath new life into cliches, so who knows, maybe it does work.
Keep writing dude.

[Coyote Poetry]

I had two different woman who came back for a second and one for a third try at a relationship. Some people ain't ready to settle down. The pain maybe powerful. But we learn by trying and giving emotion and love to become better people. Poem is outstanding. I like the description and the story. Thank you for the powerful poem.
Coyote

[A.Lee]

I really enjoyed this. I could see it as a poem or as a song, either one. But it definitely seems like it could fit to a melody. I really liked the structure you used. Actually I think thats what helped draw me into it. Nice work.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem is a great write. It seems to be a true story.
I am convinced. It is compelling. The imagery was real.

[WriterSki7]

A most unique Poem focusing on six-lined stanzas of ABC-ABC. This was somewhat original (I give you a 6 out of 10). An emotional poem speaking of a broken heart. Silently, I wonder where all these people are who break so many hearts? Your rhyme and choice of words is excellent; however, your flow is a bit rough.

Example: "Stabbing through my heart like a knife"
"In through my heart like a knife" might work better here. Regardless, this was a good poem none-the-less. Not your best work, but good regardless.

[Hippy]

i liked it but i feel it sliped up a little bit but over all i liked it i think maby you should touch up a few parts

[S. Kimball]

This was a really good poem. Your stanza structure was unique, and the repeated bit was very well-written.

For the most part, your sentences were tense and cut right to the point. It created an exquisitely painful feel. The only sentence out of the entire thing I didn't like was:

"Stabbing through my heart like a knife"

That's a bit cliché. I think it took a little bit of the uncomfortable (but good) tension away because it seems unoriginal. Like I said though, it's the only break I could find in the otherwise very moody and original piece.

As a side note, I can relate to the message exactly, having experienced something very similar. On a subjective level, this gave it even more credibility and emotional weight.

Great piece overall.

[Charles]

Good lyrics for a song, though they fall a bit short for a free-standing poem. Few sets of song lyrics make it as a poem and few poems make it as a song without repeating stanzas (refrains) and maybe modifying some lines for emphasis. This from someone who doesn't know a B-flat from an A-sharp (are there such things). I like the message, bitter-sweet as it is... the last lines seem perfect for someone who's been stabbed through the heart with a knife.