I LOVE LINKIN PARK! thye're on of my favorite bands :) so naturally i had to read this!
so watch me turn and walk away - i love when people use phrases of the imperative (command) form in poetry, its proof that you're trying to reach out to you readers, and thats pretty special. because when you've got such a great gift, theres no use in not sharing it!
i loved this because it's so powerful, i love your word choice; sanctuary, dissipate, weary...etc
i love poetry thats declarative of the writer's current state of mind/being. you've declared, in a beautiful poetic way that you're alone, and that this lonliness is satisfying, perhaps relieving.
A great write indeed!
well done :)
Nish
Nice. Intense lyrics, flows well.I was trying to pick the exact melody in my head. It would be interesting to here what you go with when adding the music. Kewl.
I think this was a pretty good write. I wouldn't eve say Linkin Park-ish, maybe if like 30 Seconds to Mars and Jimmy Eat World collaborated on a song while really pissed off. Something like that.
Which that alone would be pretty sweet.
Regardless...
You don't see what this life really holds for me
In your eyes, everything is copacetic
But your ignorance has made me f*****g apethetic
I love this stanza. The power behind them, and not just because the power of one of my absolute favorite words to use conversation, is intense. Just the wealth of emotion that wells up against this person who is to oblivious to see the disparity between your life and where you want to be is fantastic.
In addition, I really liked this phrase: "I've revolutionized into a tranquil state" for no other reason then it's written very well.
Keep it up. This was an awesome piece. Try shootin for even more lyrics. I'd love to see how they turn out.
I have a suggestion. . . The last line of the second verse/stanza or whatever, try "peaceful sanctuary" or something like that. Just to go with the rhyme, "cold/hold", "reverie/sanctuary". Just a suggestion.
By the way, hehe, I love Linkin Park. I was like *bright eyes ans drool* when I saw Linkin Park-ish". I hear Shinoda doing the first two verses and the fifth verse, the third verse being the brigde and Bennington (spelling ?) and Shinoda doing the fourth verse as the chorus.
Self adverstising, check out my version of Numb.
*wipes drool off of keyboard* Love it!
Some really cool lyrics indeed... I can really see these sung in Linkin Park style...
I particularly like this verse...
Inside I'm dying, I can't keep trying
To make the pain fade away, I'm done begging you to stay
You tried to make me suffocate, I started to asphyxiate
But now I'm done with this charade, so watch me turn and walk away
Haha, the second you said linkin park... Haha, made it a lot easier for me to imagine it. The flow is great, the words naturally blend together. The message of the thing was great too. *smiles* Yeah, it was great. I enjoyed reading it. I'm glad I took the time to look over it!
Okay, so I think I'm scrapping all my old s**t and starting fresh!! I took a break from Writer's Cafe, but I'm back!!
So a little debriefing about me. I started out reading romance novels when I w.. more..