Violet Shade

Kane is now in a major soup, what will he do now?

I don't know how long I was out.

The darkness was fading away as consciousness slowly returned, the reality of what had happened a moment ago was making my head hurt. Actually a lot of other things hurt too, not just my head but my hands were also burnt and my suit was frayed by the explosion of the car, but the thing that hurt the most was not being able to save her.

Benny was moving his hands frantically, hovering above me, trying to say something, I could hardly make out anything. My ears ringing due to the shock. It took a few minutes before I could hear over the ringing, albeit faintly.

"Kane, Oh God!!! Kane, wake up."

I could hardly move, it was as if someone had sucked all the energy out of me. I tried hard to move my head, but failed to do so.

"Benny, bring me some Scotch." I said in a faint, weak voice.

"What? What do you want Kane?" Benny leaned towards me, picking my head up as he brought his ears near my mouth. "Some scotch, Benny." I whispered weakly.

He placed my head on the ground and ran towards my car, coming back with a bottle of Scotch. I usually carried it in my car. 

"Here take it" he undid the cap and moved it closer to my lips, I gulped it down like a thirsty kid drinking milk. My body, which had come to a temporary stop, slowly started moving again as I lifted my hand to hold the bottle. I gulped it down, the pain becoming less by the time the bottle's contents were inside me.

"Help me stand." I asked him.

The sight of the burning car was ugly, the tree had caught fire and was burning together with the car. I looked around to see that the whole land was devoid of any other tree, and now the only one that stood was also no more.

"There was so much space for the car to go and it still hit the tree. Talk about bad luck." the alcohol in me was starting to show its true color.

Benny was silent, still in shock of what had conspired.

"Isn't it strange Benny, all the free space and this car had to hit that one tree." I repeated myself.

"I don't know Kane." he said.

I pushed him away as I tried to stand. "What do you not know, Benny? We killed a woman, damn it. No, no, no, we didn't kill a woman. I killed her, I killed Suzi. I couldn't save her. I could had saved her. I am a murderer." 

It was bringing back all the lost memories to me. I drank to avoid that exact thing and now it was all coming back to me again. I had lost Carrie the same way in an accident. I was driving then and I was driving now too. I was the cause of both the accidents.

"CARRIEEEEEE" I was screaming in the middle of the road. Tears now flowing through my eyes. Benny knew how I felt, he had stayed long enough with me.

He let me cry as I slumped there itself. He stood there and watched in silence. I was in that position for sometime, faces of Carrie and Suzi flashing before my eyes. 

"Find my brother."

It was as if Suzi herself whispered that directly in my ears. "Find him." The tears stopped for an instant and they stayed that way.

I had a job to do, I had to find her brother and tell him about this. I will find her brother and after that I will surrender myself to the police. I owe her this.

I looked over to Benny. "Get in the car."

"But," Benny looked at me, his face full of questions.

"What do we do now?"

"We finish our job." 

Author's Note

Focussing on finishing the book, once its done, I will edit it and rewrite it. Just an expreiment to write one chapter a day.

Reviews

[Stefanie Holmes]

"I don't know for how long I was out."
You do not need the word 'for' in this sentence.

"It took a few minutes before I started hearing faintly over the humming and ringing."
I would reword this sentence to make it a little sharper. Something like, "It took a few minutes before I could hear over the ringing, albeit faintly."

"I tried hard to move my head but failed to do so."
You need a comma between the words 'head' and 'but'.

"I usually carried Scotch in my car." I wouldn't mention the word 'Scotch' here again, because in the previous sentence you wrote it and the reader would know what you're talking about if you just use the word 'it' in this sentence. You don't want to repeat the same word too many times or else it gets redundant for the reader.

"My body which had come to a temporary stop, slowly started moving again as I lifted my hand to hold the bottle, I gulped down the whole bottle, the pain numbing down by the time the entire content was inside my belly."
This whole section is a run-on sentence and needs broken up. I would rewrite it to go something like this, "My body, which had come to a temporary stop, slowly started moving again as I lifted my hand to hold the bottle. I gulped it down, the pain becoming less by the time the bottle's contents were inside me."

"Help me stand." I asked Benny, he helped me get up on my two legs."
You can remove the line "he helped me get up on my two legs." It's unnecessary for the reader.

"The sight of the burning car was ugly, the tree had also caught fire and both were burning together. I looked around to see that the whole land was devoid of any other tree, and now the only tree that stood was also burning."
The word tree is used way too much in this paragraph. I would reword this whole thing... the main concept being the burning tree.

"He let me cry as I slumped there itself."
'Itself' is not the word you wanted to use here. Not sure what you were trying to go with though.

"I had to find his brother"
'His' should be 'her'.

This is another good chapter. You definitely got the emotions across well with your characters having been involved in a deadly accident. It definitely needs some polishing up and I pointed out some errors for you to fix and some areas for you to strengthen. There were also some punctuation errors throughout that some careful proofreading would fix. Overall it was good!

~Stefanie

[Vidya Bacchus]

Up and at 'em Kane.Really a nail biter here Theory :)

[New Theory]

Thank you Vidya, your words of encouragement really mean a lot to me and inspire me to continue writing and better myself. You are really nice. :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank You Theory and you are welcome.You are a fine writer so keep writing :)