Her Lips

Unrhymed Quatrains in 8-count

     Her Lips 

       Full, blazing-red, sun-colored lips 

       kissed my neck; heat down my body.

     ’Twas then I knew that I was hers …

       forever bonded ~ by that kiss.

    ~~

       Longing for nights spent together,

       hair tucked softly ’gainst my shoulder,

       long, silky legs entwining mine …

       still, red lips burning all night thru.

            ~~

       With woken eyes, our dream ended;

       reaching to find her body gone …

       teardrops fell quick from saddened eyes

       her red lips now but memory.

                    ~~

      

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem please take the time to leave a review.
I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[;)]

Definitely written from a man's perspective. Perhaps you are leaning too heavily on someone for an edit? It takes away from the originality of the poem. Especially when most 'editors' are overated. Except in their own minds. Otherwise you have hit your sensual peaks. Erotica, in whatever context, may not be everyone's cup of tea, though. May explain the lack of comments here.

[Lisasview]

Well, to begin with the lack of comments is probably because I only submitted my poem yesterday. I find that many people are lazy about leaving comments on many of the poems I read. I always leave reviews.
When I wrote this poem I had no idea where it came from...but that is how all my poetry is. I looked back at my original draft and it is the same except for the puncuation and a word or two..
Ddi you read any of my other seductive poems? For example... His Voice. I have only written 5 seductive poems...But I do have several others you might like better.. Miles Apart, etc.
Not sure what your comment means when you say "Otherwise you may have hit your sensual peaks."
Appreciate your comments...Food for thought..and that is always good.
Lisa, now in Spain

[;)]

Two days since posted...lack of comments is either laziness as you suggest, or uninspiring content, perhaps? And yes, I did read your previous few poems. Similiarly erotica themed, hence my line regarding sensual peak.... you have showed the style and how you write it. Does it need another forthcoming? Or will you write something different next? A choice for you to decide. Stagnation is a poet's enemy.

[Lisasview]

Okay, I get it
But did you read any of my non sensual poems.
Totally different

[M. J. Smith]

This takes me to a sad November morning a long time ago. I had been with my first girlfriend for a few years. Just before school, I got word that she had taken her own life. The dreams that haunted me! I was seventeen. Yeah, I know what it is to look for someone who will never be there again. And written from a man's point of view, too. Well done.

[Lisasview]

First,I must say that I am so sorry to hear this... to have this sort of thing happen when you were so young ..
these sort of things stay with us forever.
I just read your review to my husband and we both got chills.
Thank you so much for your review...
The first review I got was not very kind so it is great to see that the reviews after that understood and accepted my poem even though it was from a males perspective!!
Lisa, in rainy weather here in Spain

[M. J. Smith]

Well, Mi Amiga, sometimes people aren't nice. It's cool though, you flipping the script. And I finally made an uneasy peace with her spirit. After a long time, I learned that she was dying of cancer. I guess, when she turned sixteen she just gave up. And who knows? Maybe, in her place, I would have done the same thing. Anywho... You are most welcome. I have enjoyed reading your poems. They are quite beautiful and quite profound.

[Gee]

You've done well to get inside the mind of a fella Lisa.
I've never tried my hand at sensual poetry, probably never will as it would end up explicit.
Good morning from cold but soon to be sunny MK.
Off to walk the pooch for an hour at 7 then a 100km ride in the gym :)

[Lisasview]

A nice long bike ride.. fabulous.. Years ago we were 45 years old we cycled from Christchurch to Queenstown in New Zealand... We did get a bus ride over the highest mountain range..
Loved it..
Lisa

[Neville]

I really enjoyed my visit here today Lisa now in Spain ... I think you managed to pull this one off where so many might have failed .. I have on several occasions written from a woman/female/girls perspectives & although I am aware that this is not unusual, not every one can do it well ... I am not saying I did or do .. I'm just saying ...

Neville invariably in England when not elsewhere ..................... N x

[Lisasview]

You are so very kind to leave such an honest and insightful review...To say I pulled this off means a lot to me and tells me that you understood it..I was feeling a bit strange after reading my first review for this poem of mine earlier today..
Did you read my poem Thirst For Love... You might like it as well.
So now my idea of saying the time and where I am has caught on..ha ha..
Nearly 6 pm..getting dark here in Spain.. oh yes, and has been really rainy hard for days..
Lisa

[Neville]

you are as always, more than welcome .. my pleasure Lisa :)

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Lisa, I read your poem twice. Yes definitely written from the male perspective and I wasn't expecting that. Tastefully conveyed I might add with a touch of sadness too, that it was all a dream and the bed remained empty. Have a lovely day.

Chris

[Lisasview]

Hi Chris,
I am going over all my poems to make sure I have responded to the reviews...AND, I came across this review that you left for me 6 months ago...
So a huge belated thank you for your wonderful review..
I always appreciate review from you,
Lisa

[Relic]

This is the first I've seen you do from a man's point of view, Lisa. Or perhaps, it was from a lesbians point of view? Either way, this is a fine poem with perfect form.

[Lisasview]

Thank you for reviewing my poem Relic...
Not sure where this poem came from.. Never realised it was from a males perspective until after I had submitted it. Glad you felt it was in perfect form...I always appreciate your reviews..
Lisa, raining like crazy here in Spain