Gods & Prophets

A Slam! piece about finding oneself.

For gods that never worshipped back,

I have cried into buckets

dug trenches into wells

emptied my soul

watched myself wash away under

sprinkler systems

where wasteful wanters called to freedom,

let water restrictions be damned.

 

I have weakened here for pages unfolded

then leashed my tongue

held my fingers back

and let words fade into obscurity

where false gods proclaimed belonging.

 

I was never strong enough here

for words that couldn't make themselves heard

as they dribbled down the empty spaces

red paint screaming accusation and negligence

and the silent voices of a thousand diaries

broken apart and bleeding thoughts

still cannot move this nothingness to action.

 

My tears have soaked the pages here

of books dog-earred, creased and too-well-loved

where someone saves the day or

someone's heart glues itself to someone's heart or

the very best of them all, the ones

where the paper unbinds itself with over-love,

where someone finds herself.

 

In the echoes of shadows,

of sad-hows and show-sad,

I have handed up my registration

collapsed upon and collared

nothingness given solidarity and form;

when wasteful wanters called to freedom

I heard. I answered.

I gave it all.

 

And it is only now I think to ask...

To whom?

 

To whose gods have I pandered,

locked myself and lost myself?

To what unconscious end

have I washed and brushed and faded away?

 

I, who worshipped gods who never worshipped back

I, who am nothingness; I, who am unfound;

must now turn the rusty key in the door

seek out a forgotten being

belly-slide through the dirt

tangle knots and whorls

colour myself visible with pencil rudiments.

 

I, who worshipped gods who never worshipped back;

I, who am nothingness; I, who am unfound;

must find new gods to worship

(gods who teach and learn and love and live),

open into somethingness,

and find a way to find myself again.

 

I, who am unfound, must find within

the found.

Author's Note

All polite/relevant reviews are welcome - especially constructive critique, but also including grammar and spelling corrections. And thank you for reading/leaving a review!

Reviews

[LJW]

Deep. As an atheist, I can relate.

[Seshat Nidaba]

This was a modern metaphysical poem and much much more. I really dig your style. I could honestly write 4 reviews on this piece and not be finished.

It had a great ending. Original, crisp, human, universal, what more can I say? 100/

[Emily B]

This came to me from someone who knows wonderful words and I'm very glad that she thought to send it my way

[asdarkeyesclose]

'I, who worshipped gods who never worshipped back
I, who am nothingness; I, who am unfound;'

this is heart-wrenching in its vision and perspective, that last line with all the power of self-discovery. i loved the way you stood for something ' (gods who teach and learn and love and live),' this is written with all the fire of a true poet and yet you do not pretend there is not self-doubt, that the path is not difficult to find at times.

[L]

I like this a a lot. Very well written, great imagery. I especially like the fourth stanza. Seriously good job :)

[...]

Such an emotional write, so well written and expressed, loved the first stanza the best. Amazing write!