Cherry Red Stilettos In the Snow

written for Poetry and Lyrical Challenge group

Brilliant white glitters on the ground
Covering the once cement sidewalk
Where many trudge on block by block

Today the scenery is quiet
No footprints marking up the snow
For white powder relentlessly grows

Traffic slows to an agonizing crawl
Yellow cabs stand out on the streets
Hoping the snow they will defeat

A black limo pulls up to the curb
Cherry red stilettos poke out
Shivering with a pointy pout

Revealing long slender toned legs
A woman dressed all in black
Ethereal elegance she does not lack

A fur lined ebony cape
Encloses her sexy curves
But not her shaky nerves

Reviews

[Poeticadia]

'Shivering with a pointy pout' is a great line and it hints at the 'shaky nerves' hidden behind the showy elegance at the end. There's a whole narrative in the silence after the last line, left to the readers imagination... and the scene with its sharp colours has been set for us to do the rest.

Agree just a little with enzo in that if inverted word order can be replaced with natural order - and new rhymes or even slant rhymes can be found instead - it does improve the sound of the poem (especially when the visual imagery is so good to start with!)

[Mauricio Montoya]

I don't know where to go with this other than I like how it come together.
Great job well done.

[The Analog Kid]

I really like the contrast of the red vs the snow! Love: "Shivering with a pointy point."

[*skittlez*]

love this poem alot

[Ruth]

This holds mystery and glamour, nicely poortrayed love, makes the reader intrigued xx

[Bette]

Ummm, i think this ones better although there are parts of each i like . Maybe make them one?

[Dream Weaver]

Great title and beautifully written ...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

That was a fun and charming little poem... even the most eloquent and rich can't escape the weather. Coarse I loved this part...

Revealing long slender toned legs
A woman dressed all in black
Ethereal elegance she does not lack

[Coyote Poetry]

This poem is very good also. Second version is more details. A different emotion in the two poems. I like them both. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Truman S. Booth]

I adore rhyme, especially when it is executed so creatively. I don't think I've ever seen this particular scheme. Well done there.

And while your imagery is superb, I agree with InkSlinger... I can't quite wrap my mind around a message. I would suggest adding two or three more stanzas at the end to give a little more information about this woman. Or, if you like the ending, give a little more background in the body of the piece.

Well done, though. A very enjoyable read.