Chapter 1 "Sage"

In this chapter Sage hunts with her pack and meets Candor for the very first time.This is where the story begins.

Sage

      I sat on the high ledge of our den. The Bison pack was good on food and the Aspen pack hasn’t crossed our borders in a while. The trees sway to the wind with leaves falling off one by one. The grasses look like waves over the large valley. I could see the elk eating. “Go on, get fat for us.” I lick my chops hungrily.

“Sage, let’s go.” Our alpha Nightshadow called. That’s my cew. I was one of the best hunters in our pack, so to leave on a hunting party without me was unheard of. Nightshadow, Kurt and I padded down the slope to the elk. The tall grasses hid us nicely. I raised my nose to the sky.

“Hurt elk, two o’clock.” Nightshadow nodded to me. We made our way through the tall grass. The elk had no clue we were there. The elk was about a foot from me when I pounced. Once my teeth met it’s target the elk ran. I had taken a good bite into the neck. Nightshadow and Kurt sprinted after it. We herded the elk close to the den nipping it’s heals and taking good bites here and there. When it finally turned around to fight we had almost taken it down. Nightshadow lunged for a killing blow. He bit the elk in the neck once again, but he hit a nerve and the elk fell twitching till death. I smiled happily. Nightshadow howled for Sol. The pup came bounding over the grasses. I could see his little tail and ears poking out of the grass. I remember the day Sol came up to me. He was scared for the night before had been a horrible storm. His parents had vanished in the storm. He hasn't found them since. Nightshadow ate his fill, then Sol, Kurt and lastly me. We had lots left, but we left it there. The four of us trotted back to the den and lay down in the sun.

“An Aspen came across today. Apparently they are a bit low on food.” Nightshadow my alpha looks at me. “Sage please pay attention.” He had the right to say that. I was looking down at the elk already plotting the next hunt. I jerked to attention. “Yes, alpha.”

“Good, now I need scouts checking the borders daily and nightly. Sage and I will be keeping watch tonight. Everyone while we are gone please be on your best behavior.” Kurt and Sol nodded their heads. I was the only female in our pack unfortunately. I was surprised that they let me go on scout. Being the only female means I was their top priority. I can handle myself. They just don't believe me. Ugh. “Sounds good, Night.” He turned to me and smiled.

      Night fell soon enough and Kurt and Sol lay by the den trying to go to sleep. “Sage you take the east. I will take the west.” I nodded my head to him and padded on my way. My black coat shined bright against the moon rising. The river rushed by my paws as if the river was running after an elk. The wind blew slightly that night making the grasses sway and trees almost make a whistling sound. For a while I didn't see anything. This was boring. Why again did I want to go scouting. Then I saw him. A large brute sat on the edge of the river looking at me. His dark blue eyes met my light blue ones. I slowly made my way to him unsure if to trust him or not. “Hello?” he calls to me. His voice thick as the trunk of a maple tree.

“Hello?” I ask very questionably. He was a black wolf like myself. His structure twice the size of me maybe triple. His ears lifted.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“I am Candor from the aspen pack. Who are you?” He sits. His posture straight as a board. My ears lift, “From the aspen pack”

“Your from the aspen pack?” I repeat nervously.

“Yes, oh wait are you,” he pauses for a moment, “from the bison pack?” I nod my head. He jerks up almost to seem unhappy about it. I take a step back not sure what to do. “So who are you?” He settles back down, sitting again.

“I am Sage.” I say nodding my head. His eyes widen and he mumbles something underneath his breath. Then I hear a crack from our side of the woods. “You better go.” I usher him away. He waves to me and then sprints away disappearing into the woods. Nightshadow came from behind me. I sat down by the river pretending nothing had happened.

“I thought I heard talking?” His dark brown eyes seemed as if they were trying to burn a hole through me.

“No, nothing. I was talking to myself mostly.” I lied.

“Ok, then.” He started to turn away, but I stopped him.

“Hold on, weren't you supposed to take the opposite side of the river?” I smirked knowing I had caught him. His eyes grew wide and he lowered his head. “Do you not trust me?” This really hurt. My own pack couldn't let me go on one patrol. Really? I sighed. “Get going. I have this side.” I looked away from him very unhappy. He turned and his head hung low. I continued to follow the river and I soon met with Nightshadow in the middle. I didn't even look at him on the way back. He tried to say things and apologize, but I wouldn't have it. When we reached the den I lay away from everyone else. This is not the way I wanted to start scouting, but of course it did.

Author's Note

Please give me any tips on how to make it better.

Reviews

[M. Mae Ringquist]

I want to start by saying, I love the story so far, as a big fan of wolfs (especially werewolfs) I am very intrigued by the story. Despite this though, I do have a few problems with the manuscript. Firstly, I have to point out the utter lack of conflict, I know it will come later but this kind of story will not draw in readers if the main conflict isn't clearly presented. One way you can fix this is by deciding what the main conflict will be and finding a way to work it into this first chapter. My second problem is the dialogue, It feels forced and rushed, like you were only trying to get them to state their opinions and that's it. I see you trying to make it sound natural but it's just not working. I would try imagining that you are actually having a conversation with the characters, what are they saying? How are they saying it? Put these things into your novel, nothing else, if you can't imagine a normal conversation going one way then don't write it in. Overall the story sounds good and the characters seem relatively divers (they could do with a bit more personality as the plot continues though) I want to read more and wish you the best of luck in the book world!

[matrixmark]

What a great story form a wolves point of view. I really felt that if a wolf talked, then this is the type of mindset they would have.
I liked the little line of the tall grass and how the wolves noses rose upwards - nice little touch and planted a vivid picture in my head of the whole pack doing this.
Another nice touch, was when you mentioned how the wolves coat shined against the moon.
Also when Sage & co meet the Aspen pack and had a talk - that again, was so good and felt real. I love reading pieces which are different and unique - I shall continue to read this as I am intrigued as to where it is going next.

There are many other details in this piece which added a lot to the story.
Vivid images, great dialogue and a good hook for the reader to get his teeth into and follow the story through.

Mark.

[Creg]

Really enjoyed this! Fantastic narrative, and a really unique spin seeing it from the eyes of some sort of creature (A wolf or something, I assume?) Really good, keep it up!

[Aubrey Harrell]

It is a wolf. Thank you very much.