My Name

You bow over my hand

I wish you didn't do that

It made “us” seem so formal

It made love seem so empty

 

A stiff greeting of “Miss Trenton”

And a tip of your hat

Seems so much colder

Than a smile or a hug

 

I try to tell you

But the words won't come

Perhaps it's best to follow

Society's law

 

Perhaps it's best to be

Cold and stiff and formal

But I can't help but wonder.

Why?

 

I am honest with you

Can you not be honest with me?
Do you not trust me?
Do you not love me?

 

Whenever I ask

You stiffen

And hold your breath

“Love's not meant to be spoken,” you say

 

But I need to hear your words

I need to have a straight answer

I need to know

And yet we keep silent

 

You bow and I curtsey

Perfectly civil

Perfectly proper

Perfectly still, but for the pounding of my heart

 

Perhaps you do not love me

Perhaps you do not understand

Perhaps you don't know how much I need you

Perhaps you don't want to know

 

That night you left me in anger

Tired of my constant affection

And attention

That night, of darkness and despair

 

You left me naught

Naught but doubt

Shattered dreams and fears

You didn't come back

 

But I remained

I remained and I stopped it

Froze up my heart

I became a statue made of stone

 

Perhaps it was better to follow

The laws of society

Perhaps it was better to be

A statue than a broken heart

 

And so I steeled

In my resolve

And in the passing days

Our hearts stopped beating altogether

 

 

Until then

I never thought it possible

But that day, I found you

The same, beautiful you

 

This time we meet

At a countess's ball

You push your way through the crowd

Across the room, our gazes connected

 

You bow

And I curtsey

And wordlessly

We began to waltz

 

And I felt it then

The warmth in your fingers

A warmth I had never felt before

A warmth gentler than the coldness you had displayed

 

And as I spun into your arms

You spoke my name

My real name

Not “Miss Trenton”, not “Madam”

 

You called me “Lily”

“Lily”

I liked the sound of the word

When you spoke it

 

 

“Lily”

Author's Note

Just a little something that popped into my head while I read eighteenth century romances...hehe.