Lustful He Remains

Lustful He Remains

 

She gave him her love

Of which he took for granted

All for one night’s thirst

 

Pure as the heavens

The love she gave, clear and real

All she had to give

 

He fell for the urge

He knew of his betrayal

His love now a sin

 

Abstinent no more

It was her who felt the pain

Lustful he remains

Reviews

[Annelise]

I really liked this. It was simple and clear. I read it as a girl losing her virginity to a guy who either said I love you and he was lying or he was simply lying about having further interest in her other than sexual. You took such an interesting aspect on it. Not allowing us to know much about the male, and not letting us feel the true pain of the female. It is nothing more than a snap shot. Leaves us feeling slightly disturbed because of the lack of in your face emotions, but that is ultimately what makes it so wonderful. This was a very good read.

[wolfshrew]

short, to the point, and usually true. all a piece of writing really needs most of the time.

[hola amigo's/amiga's]

I really liked this just like I like u it's good and renerious just like u r. ur a really good person and a gerat/wonderful boyfriend tooo so write back right now asap thanks.

[Jazzy]

nice i really liked it. it has a lot of truth to it and it was emotional. great write.

[It'sLexiB47]

i love your concept of writing
but im more of an AABB rhyme scheme type of person so this one didnt really catch my eye
but after reading it i really liked it

[Platypus]

I like the concept. You describe it from [what I am assuming is] the perspective of a user or adulterer. Interesting take. If you're interested in suggestions, and I hope you are, mine would be to develop this a step further and add some "guilty conscience" in there to make the narrator more sympathetic. Not that someone who uses others should be sympathized with but, the truth is, those people are usually just floundering around in life, making mistakes, just like everyone else. And they also suffer, although they are generally causing their own misery. I'd like to think that the user is in pain too. That's my 2 cents. Good poem - it got me thinking.

[Lyrical Love]

Pure as the heavens
The love she gave, clear and real
All she had to give

I loved those lines!
Nice write.

[Changed to a New Accoun..]

haha sounds like the guy that just dumped me... nice

[BeautifulDisaster]

Wow. There are a******s that do that to poor girls.
I like how you described it in a way some girls can relate to.
This was a good piece too. :D
Good write.