Gone

My friend Meagan wrote this. I'm posting it here for her so she can get feedback. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

It took me months to get every detail,
From the little significant swirls,
to the perfection in tints of color.
Everything was wonderfully flawless.

Everyday I spent my time on this painting,
Becoming memorized by my art
was developing into a constant, a need.
My version of weed.

Until one day I viewed it at another angle.
There were smudge marks everywhere,
Holes from distress all over the place
And I established a hate for it.

So I shoved it into my dark closet,
Hiding the disappointment in a place unseen.
Because all I could see now was shame,
confusion and dissatisfaction.

But every time I brushed a stroke on new canvas,
I thought of my last piece.
The swirls of great contrast couldn’t be compared
To the crumby new scratch of nothing.

So I would take out my previous creation
And analyze it over and over again.
Until I hoped to get an epiphany
on why this work became… not me.

Was it the brushes I used?
Or the thin lines etched in the corner?
Either way it was a complicated masterpiece,
And I didn’t know how to fix it.

So it will now lie in my closet.
It now will never be thought about again.

Even though I knew, if I just tried harder,
it would have been my masterpiece.

Author's Note

reviews please =] and thank you

Reviews

[R.W. Blue]

At first, I really couldn't understand what the heck I was reading. The second paragraph threw me off with that example of weed, since I couldn't tell if you meant the weed as in annoying plant in your garden, or the drug. After reading it several times though, I guess one could say you meant the drug, with your tone of obsession and hate aimed towards the painting. But with reading this several times, I caught something that one wouldn't catch with one read: weakness. The poem as a whole is somewhat weak and unstable. It's dark, that's for sure, but the whole description of the painting just doesn't fit. Yeah, it was addicting, but why so? Paintings in general are never perfect, so why did the particular errors cause you to hate it? If it was a masterpiece, as said in paragraph seven, why did you hate it? Why did you hide it? One would think someone would want to show their failure in order to have something that pushes them to get better. Besides the flaky structure, the words need to be chosen better. Each word should be chosen carefully, and not one single word or syllable should be wasted. Language can be dangerous or full of hope. And in the end, is it not the words that create the poem?
Those are just my thoughts, though. Hope I wasn't too harsh, but I just give criticism to those who want it in order to get better.

[Bare trees]

I suppose this could be a metaphor for self-doubt and the realization that if we look deeper we can find the greatness within our selfs. "Am I really that bad" is the way I would describe it. Or a better way would be self-dicovery.

On the other hand, It could be about exactly was is described, a painter who is frustrated with not realizing a masterpiece is sitting right there. I liked it.

[deeps]

I think this is quite the amazing write here. Depp and powerful with so much meaning. Very well written and expressed.