The Past Can Come Back Fast

There was a lady with a good heart, but things done in the past ruined everything.

     There was a Lady

Her name was Saddie

She was good looking

And loved booking

She never lied

No one wished she'd die

In till one night 

she got a bite

Its name was The Past

And fast did every one run

There was a lady

Her name was Saddie

She did not lie

But she did die

 

Author's Note

Its sad, but I know there are people who can relate to this. Like when you do something in the past but it creeps back up on you 10 times harder. Be careful what you do. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Reviews

[Daniel-Andre]

A nice text, Samantha, indeed. I can see you`ve written this poem in traditional form, and a good take at that! I have no complaints, this is a pure positive feedback.

1: You had no grammar mistakes, which is great for me because I`m a typical perfectionist :)

2: The sentences throughout this text had a good flow, I at least had no trouble reading it.

3: The rhymes which reveal the traditional form was clever and very precise. Which, obviously is important for a small text such as this one. Understanding what happened to this poor lady was no fuss.

4: What caught my attention the most in your poem was this sentence "In till one night". Till, as everyone knows carries the same meaning as "until", but the difference is that "till" is the older version of "until". In the old days, people tended to say "till" more often than "until". Which gave me the feeling and impression that this poem was about something that has happened a long way back. Correct me if I`m wrong, though :p

Overall, I think this was an excellent read. Good job, Samantha! Don`t ever stop writing! :D

[Kevin Andros]

Liked the wordplay. Loved the turn at the end. Well Crafted. Will go through your other works as well.

Keep writing!

Best,
~KA~

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you for the review! Have a great day!

[Willard Wells]

Interesting read and living in the past will bring negative results often.

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you for the review! Have a great day!

[GalaxyGhost]

The ending, though, is sad! I understand the feeling of having the past remind you of how bad it was. For me, I have dealt with depression and friends who also had depression. Whenever I get those sad and negative feelings again, one thing I would do is to tell those feelings to go to hell as that is where they belong. So I completely relate to the feeling of the past reminding me of mistakes I've made or regrets. Your style of storytelling is very interesting and I absolutely loved reading this!

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you for the review! Ha ha it is true the ending was sad but if it wasn't how would it get to people's hearts?
To be honest I'm not much of a poetry writer but I'm glad you like it! Have a great day!

[Brittanie Bardwell]

This is great! I love how you wrote this and how it's so true! The words are great and simple, but they are also very powerful.

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you! I agree, although when I I'm not really a poem writer, I just wanted to write one because I knew there are a lot of writers on this website who write books and poems. Ha ha, but I hope you have a good day!

[William Liston]

A very light-hearted read with a great message. I love how you're not trying to sound sophisticated in this piece, but rather, you're using simplicity to express a story, which is a skill that will definitely help you in the future. I'm sure everyone knows a 'Saddie' in their lives, someone who is a good person but did some bad things in the past. I'm sure many people can relate to this. I like the last line; it's very simple yet it leaves the reader with wonder.

Based on this one poem, there are some things you may want to consider if you wish to improve your poetic skills.

First of all, I'd suggest writing in free-verse because often, beginner poets make the mistake of writing "filler lines," or lines that are made just for the sake of rhyming and not for the benefit of the poem. That's a habit that you don't want to develop. Writing in free-verse will allow you to focus on other aspects of your poetry such as imagery, tone, figurative language, development of moods...etc. without worrying about conforming to a certain rhyme scheme. Then, once those skills have become developed, you can move on to conveying the same emotions with a more structured form.

Another way to improve your skills is by reading other writers. As far as technical skill is concerned, two of my favorite writers on this site are Shabeeh Haider and Richard.

If you think it will be of any help, I have a course on this site where I discuss imagery and how poets develop certain ideas in their works. Also, I have a short essay titled "An Underrated Poet: Paul Laurence Dunbar" in which I discuss some of the 'flaws' (if I may call them such) of beginner poets (though I must admit, it's not the primary purpose of the essay). I also have a short essay in which I describe my writing process if you're interested.

-William Liston

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you so much for the review! I will definitely take your advice, have a great day!

[Thatonedawg]

I liked this a lot. It gets the point across and it makes you feel for the character even though little is known. Great work, I haven't ever tried my hand at poetry, but I think this is really good! Congrats and keep posting!

[Samantha Anabella]

Thanks so much! I hope you have a great day!

[Thatonedawg]

You as well! Thanks for posting.

[moonlit_cove]

I think this is brilliant. I contemplated it long after I finished reading it - the mark of a great poem!

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you so much for the review! Hope you have a good day!😃

[Edyn]

I absolutely loved this, I'm normally not into this style of poetry but it was extremely well written and deep

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you so much! It means a lot for me, what kind of style are you into? I hope you have a good rest of your day!

[Bra.Kofi]

this piece is short and self explanatory i love how simple it is and how clear the massage of things we do and how they come back to us most of the time.

[Samantha Anabella]

Thank you so much for the review! I do agree with you as well!