2. Make it or Break it (Ali)

So here I am with an empty stomach. I can't believe that I've gone back to what I've done three years ago. since I am small I weigh 89 lbs, but I want to lose so much more. Unlike my cousin Amelia I am not anorexic. I'm just bulimic.

Yes, I throw up whatever I eat, but what's the big deal? Sure, I could lose my teeth, but who cares? I don't. I just care about getting into the Olympics. Getting into the Olympics is my dream and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't make it. But my best friends are praying for me. Not that I'm religious or anything, because I'm not. I'm pretty much an atheist.

Anyway, Amelia is freaking out because she's 108 lbs now, but I'm freaking out because I purged everything in my stomach, and yet, I am still fat and I haven't lost a single pound. I don't know what is going to happen to me, but I know that I cannot survive with this weight. I have to drop, but I'm not anorexic. I refuse to be anorexic.

So what am I supposed to do about this right now? I'm in English class - my favorite class - and I can't even concentrate. People ask me why it's my favorite class, but it's because I love to write. I write poetry all the time when I'm not in school or doing my gymnastics.

"Ali, are you alright?" Mrs. Warren said. Amelia looked at me from two seats over.

"Uh...yeah," I muttered looking out the window. She gave me a look and went back to writing on the board. A note slid on my desk and I looked over at Amelia who looked concerned. I opened the note.

What is up with you?

I rolled my eyes.

I just can't believe that I am not losing any weight and you are gaining. What is happening to this world? Right now Jamie seems to be the perfect one of the group. I wrote back.

I slid the note over to the girl next to me who slid it to Amelia. When I got it back it said:

Yeah, but she's not doing much. Are you feeling alright? Is it a boy??!! You aren't supposed to go out with them!

I know that, stupid, I wrote. I-

"Ali, give me the note," Mrs. Warren said. Crap, I thought. I gave her the note and she read it. I couldn't believe what she did next. She read it out loud! To the whole class! I slumped back in my chair and groaned.

After class Mrs. Warren called me to her desk.

"Ali, is there something wrong with you? Are you anorexic or something? Because I know it's stressful for you to be a gymnast, but I don't think you should be worried about your weight," she said.

"No! I'm not anorexic. I just...I'm worried about my weight because it's hard for me to not think about not losing anything. I think I weigh too much and if I lost a few pounds then I'd be perfect at the bars and everything. I'm sorry about passing the note, but I have to go," I said leaving quickly.

"Ali-" she started, but I was already lost in the crowd.