Love Me….Please?

Love me

              …please?

Hear me plead

There is nothing worse

Than the sight of a grown man

Begging

…on his knees

 

Love me

         …now

Do you remember how?

Breaker of promises

Betrayer of vows

 

Love me

        … authentically

Without draining my energy

Give back what you took

Love in truth

Unconditionally

 

Love me

…please?

Don’t go

Don’t leave

At least take this stake out of my heart

And hold me while I bleed

 

Love me

…or lie to me

At least sing your goodbyes to me

Until the love I have for you

Slowly

Completely

Dies in me

Author's Note

quick write...needs work...tell me what u think

Reviews

[Sugar Plum ♥]

Really powerful write, I liked mostly the end, which makes a sadness arise in me...Everyone needs love, sometimes people want to be "cheated" just to escape from loneliness. You need this love, until it kills your own feelings and senses. But then...Why breaker of promises? As you feel love, you dont want to feel, as so many times we can`t choose what is inside heart.

-- nour --

[Sirius King]

love is a complicated feeling... sometimes too complicated for words...you know?


thank u Sugar Plum :-)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

maybe I know sometimes .. :) thank u too! I would like to read more

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like as is...and i think it would be better if she did sing her goodbyes...she isn't worth it...she is destroying you.

love the last stanza...well all of it...yes...the begging but with sarcasm.

[Sirius King]

the least she could do is sing a little tune, right? lol

thank you jacob!

[Cleide Tatyana Almeida]

men act all tough half the time so your sincerity, angst, misery is refreshing, heartfelt and touching....you've used ellipsis well, gives this choking effect...I liked the writing and I can empathize with the feelings, I've been there

[Sirius King]

i don't act tough... I AM TOUGH! lol...jk but forreal :-)

thank you Cleide :-)

[Frieda P]

Oh ouch! Desperation here, get up off your knees, I love ya already ;-)....seriously, this one hits a dark note and all too familiar. Good one Serenus! Shelving it right now...

[Sirius King]

thank you, my shines were about to burst! lol

[Sirius King]

thanx Frieda!

[Frieda P]

I don't even wanna know what your shines are ;-)

My pleasure always....

[Sirius King]

typo *shins* lol

;-)

[Frieda P]

Lol I knew that ;-P

[Sirius King]

hahaha...just glad to be back on my feet :-))

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good quick work. Nice flow of thoughts and I like the desire in the words. Love can make us come alive and die. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Sirius King]

Love is the bringer of life and death

great words...thank you Coyote

[DCT ponderings]

I like the forlorn desperation in his pleading Love me.... Love Me.... Love me....Willing to have her stay even if she lies and betrays till he can stop loving her.

I think you should put the 3rd stanza before the 2nd. It would build the desperation further. In the 3rd stanza there is hope in his reminiscence that would tee up the 2nd stanza better.

Then the end of the 4th I think could be tightened up so that the pace quickens as his desperation grows. Something like
Take your stake from my heart
hold me while I bleed.

The final stanza is actually my favorite and drives the idea home for me. But the sing your goodbyes still felt too sweet or something. Perhaps something like...

Love me
…or lie to me
Just keep you goodbyes from me
Until the love I have for you
Slowly
Completely
Dies in me

Just some thoughts But I really really liked this piece.

[Sirius King]

Thank you DCT for your in depth review, i like some of your suggestions...i'll have to go back and rework somethings on this

thanks!

[DCT ponderings]

I am glad it wasn't too much. Don't want to put words in another poets mouth. ;) Especially when their own are so terrific.

[Sirius King]

i can handle constructive criticism, it can only make me a better writer (when valid)


thanks again

[DCT ponderings]

Yes indeed. You're welcome.

[1 Deep]

Sounds like the sentiments of one who is infatuated with someone who doesn't feel the same about them. A grown man on his knees is indeed pathetic, unless he's praying to Yahweh.

[Tunder]

Blown away. You amaze me and you inspire me with every piece you write

[Sirius King]

Wow, thanx! that means a lot :-)

[MOON]

Poignant heartfelt write perfectly depicted. Striking line at least take the stake out of my heart.

[Sirius King]

thank u MOON! :-)

[Dominique Lambright]

It is beautiful to me, and I think that you have a great deal of passion in your heart it shows in your writing

[Sirius King]

wow thanx, i really appreciate that! :-)

[Dominique Lambright]

You're welcome :)

[Sirius King]

:-)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Hi there, I love the structure and appreciate the content and tone, I do not think that this poem requires a rewrite personally, I feel that this is a very competent piece, well done

[Sirius King]

thanx, Ive tweaked this piece a few times already, so its pretty much done

[SHEEMA HUQ]

good work :))