The Vice

The Vice

A Story by Silent Pacer
"

Another work I wish to get opinions on since I am beinging not to trust my teacher's opinion. I believe this not to be a strong piece of mine, so constructive critisism would be nice.

"

Joey Jordison was a rather short twiggy individual of the rip age of 20. Joey, standing at the height of no greater than 5’5” making him no true threat, always tried to ‘run with the big dogs’. Though the results of this always turned out to be disastrous, Joey was to stubborn to quit. This fact always got him into trouble; luckily for Joey, he had a sharp mind which usually keep him out of too much trouble. The word usually should, however, be taken as a grain of salt since there was numerous occasions where he found himself in insurmountable trouble.

 

One day, after a droning day of absolute nothingness, Joey found himself ambling melancholy toward his front door. Joey had a tendency to sulk if his day didn’t go eventfully. As he approached though, he noticed his door ajar. Knowing that he securely locked the door upon leaving the house earlier that day, Joey knew someone had attempted and succeeded breaking into him home. Though the standard person would take extreme caution when seeing such a thing, Joey marched boldly into his home. Upon entering his living room, he found a trashed dismay of all his positions. It was obvious someone was here. This sight sparked a hint of glee into Joey’s eyes; he saw a chance to play detective. It also gave him a chance to greatly appeased his rather insatiable ego if he was clever enough to solve the mystery.

 

“How Terrifying!”, Joey said this, as he reached for his gun located in a undisturbed desk draw, and began to toy giddily with it in his hand. He placed the gun safely in the back of his jeans, then began to search diligently for any possible clues.

 

Upon his kitchen table was a glass that was half empty; on closer inspection, Joey deciphered that the liquid was a rather large glass of vodka. This intrigued Joey because he knew that this drink did not come from his home. He was only 20, and thus was unable to purchase such things. Next to the this glass Joey found a handkerchief which was monogrammed with the letter ‘Z’.

 

“Very peculiar.” murmured Joey to himself as he investigate the piece of cloth. “Who do I know that has a letter ‘Z’ in their name.” This bemused him for a short while but soon became back immerged into the case. After casing the entire house, Joey only found one more clue. It was located right outside his door. In the bushes that flanked Joey’s door, Joey found a bent letter opener. It was made of what he presumed was really silver. He deduced that chances are this was the object used to break in. This information, though endorsing, was not what he really wished to know.

 

Joey entered his trashed home, and sunk onto his couch in frustration. He was never much of a patent man. After sitting there for some time, pondering about several motives, he began to notice the half filled glass of vodka. It called his name seductively, begging him to drink it. He had a vice for alcohol, all his family did. Knowing this, Joey rashly ran over to the glass and chugged it down never giving it a second thought. This was a stupid move. Joey savoring the drink began to notice the room spinning, and becoming a rather pretty shades of colors. He swayed where he stood, and began to realize the horrid truth but then it was too late.

 

Two hours later, Jim Root, a tall stout man who was friends with Joey, came striding rudely right into Joey’s home.

 

“Hey, dude, were are you?” he strolled about the room oblivious not noticing the mess about him. “Dude, um, the door was open, so I know you’re here, yah ignoring me?” At this point, he was standing directly above Joey lying limp upon the floor. Stepping forward in the direction of the living room, he stumbled as a stood directly on Joey’s face.

 

“Um?! Dude, you alright? Dude?” he shock him abruptly while saying this. Checking for a pulse, he gasped suddenly as a realized that his friend was lying dead upon the floor.

 

Jim began to notice all the evidence surrounding him. He saw the glass which was grasped greedily in Joey’s hand; the monogrammed handkerchief which lied eerily next to a long strand of blond hair. Knowing that Joey had no close friends who had blonde hair, he deduced that this was evidence left by the killer. Jim stood there examining ever part of the room. He began to noticed more and more discrepancies sprinkled around. Being a rather intelligent, leveled lad, he began to piece together what Joey was to impatient to do. He found a total of six incriminating clues. There was a bent letter opener which was most likely used to force the door. There was also the monogrammed handkerchief with a bold letter “Z” upon it. This hinted towards a name of some sort. Then there was the glass clutched tightly in Joey’s cadaverous hand. This was most likely the last thing that touched his lips. Jim had a theory that the glass was poisoned; this would hint to the fact that the killer knew Joey, and thus knew his vice to be alcohol. Jim also began to presume the appearance of the murderer was most likely female with long blonde hair. Her name, or the name of a member of her family would somehow be connected to the letter “Z”.

 

Jim found in addition to these four pertinent clues, two other important clues. One being a letter wrote in German located on the side table of the couch. It had been opened, and crumpled in frustration. This was a quite curious find for Jim; he knew Joey to never get overly flustered about things, so whatever this letter said had to be quite distressing. The last clue was the most crucial. Located in Joey’s mouth, was a expensive engagement ring. This showed that the killer had to be romantically involved with the victim. With all this information, Jim began to come up with a motive. Once satisfied with himself and his ideas, he called the police and proceeded to explain his suspicions.

 

“It’s rather simple if you knew my friend.” Jim said this as he smiled sympathetically as his dear friend was rolled past him by the coroner. “He had recently took a trip to Germany. While there, Joey did what he usually did,” he paused to collect his thoughts, not wishing to speak ill of the dead. “you see, he was a bit of a ladies man, and liked to make women think their relationship mattered more then it did. This makes the engagement ring very curious. My view is this. While in Germany, Joey found a rather pretty blonde, and convinced her into a date. Then he made her feel like a one in a million, the women, taking the bait, became in love with Joey. He, not knowing she was prone to crazy like obsessions, Agreed to a marriage of some sort. This is why his trip ended quicker then he planed. He came back about two weeks earlier then he said he would. The proof that it is a woman from Germany is the fact that Joey received a letter from a woman in Germany. Her name is Annette Zwitter, the “Z” on the handkerchief thus would make since. I also am positive that if you looked her up, she would have long blonde hair, and be missing one expensive engagement ring.” he smiled at this fact, he had a suspicion, or gut feeling that she was a bit on the greedy side. “I am also almost positive that Joey was killed by poison. It was his vice, and the lover would of known that. Poison is a crime of passion when one doesn’t wish to be direct in the killing. Since the ring was located in his mouth, you should find that the killer visited here again, before I came and found him dead. She wanted to make sure her plan succeeded, and leave a last little burn to Joey, who blatantly broke her heart.”

© 2008 Silent Pacer


Author's Note

Silent Pacer
This story also uses famous band member's names since my teacher is oblivious to the knowledge of these bands, and it greatly amused me to write using their names.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I am pretty clueless as to who the band is as well hun, sorry. lol, But other that the actual what is the name for it, style of the writing, cant think of the work, not like italics, Font. being rather difficult for my eyes, I found the opening paragraph, really interesting personally i would try and steer away from general sayings like 'to be taken like a grain of salt' but other than that well done i like it.
Keep writing
Dawn

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I am pretty clueless as to who the band is as well hun, sorry. lol, But other that the actual what is the name for it, style of the writing, cant think of the work, not like italics, Font. being rather difficult for my eyes, I found the opening paragraph, really interesting personally i would try and steer away from general sayings like 'to be taken like a grain of salt' but other than that well done i like it.
Keep writing
Dawn

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

562 Views
1 Review
Rating
Added on May 2, 2008

Author

Silent Pacer
Silent Pacer

Middle of Nowhere



About
I'm Me, and sometimes me, but only half of the time, then I become something that resembles me. But in all seriousness, I am looking for constructive criticism about my work since I am trying to fur.. more..

Writing