gently

softest whispers in the air

close my eyes to hear

peace and dreams, love does share

reach out my arms thinking you are near

dear friend beside me 

a heavy heart

we used to long to be so free

but freedom stings like a dart

choices to make

lives to form

paths to take

the past we mourn

gentle breeze, blowing through my hair

outstretched hands feel the airs solidity

hope and life, perfect pair

call out your name, i pray you hear

people around me 

unending crowd

searching for meaning in life

if only they'd open their eyes

blinds to lose

hopes to find

journeys to chose

we are all losing our minds

freshest scent reaches me

taking in so deeply

safety and love with you always there

trusting myself in your care

Reviews

[Amaya Sullivan]

I have never written a poem, but I really like this even though the rhyming scheme falls through in the middle it's still good. It's really nice sweet poem. I really like it.

[marie]

thank you:) i'm hoping to find a way to fix the rhyme scheme without losing the feel of the piece right now:)

[Amaya Sullivan]

I don't remember all the rules to poems, but I think it's okay with out it rhyming. I know they are suppose to rhyme and some do not have to rhyme, and if you start it one way I guess it is suppose to flow together? I don't know, but I really enjoyed it.

[marie]

i'm glad you enjoyed it and no they don't have to rhyme but if you start it like that it can interrupt the flow by cutting it(the rhyme scheme) off

[Amaya Sullivan]

ah i see. ^_~

[marie]

yep:)

[quinfinn]

gorgeous writing. nice rhyme scheme and wonderful meter. glad i found your pages.

[marie]

thank you:) i am so glad you like it:) your work has been an inspiration to me for a while, i only just now worked up the courage and confidence to actually contact you and speak my thoughts:)

[quinfinn]

as you can see, i am easily approachable and quite friendly. calm your fears, my dear, and welcome to the fray!

[marie]

i see that now:) and feel rather silly about my worries:) i am so glad you are:) thank you:)

[quinfinn]

you're welcome, dear poet.

[marie]

:) you have no clue how happy i am right now:)

[quinfinn]

good....be happy!

[marie]

:)

[Ashley G.]

...I have a feeling this is for a certain someone. ;3

[marie]

actually this was for several people

[Ashley G.]

oh....well I know one person it's probably for...I think.

[marie]

there are several:)

[Ashley G.]

okay...=3

[Sir Joseph]

I love the feel of this piece! so relinquishing and fresh! :)

[marie]

Really?:)

[Sir Joseph]

Yes!! :)

[marie]

How so?:)

[Sir Joseph]

Hmmm you already know ;)

[marie]

i do? ;)

[Sir Joseph]

Yes you do:)

[marie]

hmmmm...... i have no recolection...remind me?:)

[Sir Joseph]

I will ;)

[marie]

Yay:)

[Ethale Captor]

A nice write. Have you shown it to him yet?

[marie]

no not yet... should i?

[Ethale Captor]

I believe so.

[marie]

ok...i will

[Ethale Captor]

Let me know how it goes.

[CreativeStroke]

I enjoyed the piece, even though you lost your rhyme partway through! I ended well and even though you didn't keep your flow going it was a good piece.

[marie]

Yeah, in sorry I got lazy on this one..

[StayAnchored]

Great job! I love it! It isn't the best rhyme scheme but it was pretty good. :)

[marie]

Yeah I got to work on it..

[StayAnchored]

Don't change it! It wasn't the best rhyming but the words were great! :)

[marie]

Oh.... Really?:) thank you:)

[Nick.B]

Great flow, with a interesting message behind this write, love the line "but freedom stings like a dart", freedom is not something very easy, sometimes you fight for it and don't know what do with it when you earn it...anyway great job

[marie]

Most don't know what they are fighting for:)

[Nick.B]

That's true too

[marie]

:)

[Lina Grey]

i wish you hadn't lost your rhyme scheme partway through.

[marie]

Yeah heh heh... I got lazy...

[Lina Grey]

yeah... i do too sometimes :P :) it's still nice

[marie]

Thank you:)

[Lina Grey]

:)

[marie]

:)

[Ohhhwillow]

Beautiful from start to finish, this is honest and intricate, I love it! Good work. :)

[marie]

Yay!!:) I'm glad you do!!:) thank you for the review:)