Ordinary You

So many times my heart bled the for you

So many times my eyes cried over you

So many times my lips lied for you

So many times you asked of me

A still you think I’’m some ordinary b***h

N***a this aint no ordinary s**t

Well this is it I’’m thru

Thru wit you

Finally

I’’m done wit you

Cause wit all this s**t

I’’m lookin like da twit

Sittin,

Cookin,

Cleanin,

F****n,

Suckin,

Lovin,

Trustin,

Givin,

All for you

This n***a

This n***a

Who sits and takes and takes and takes

Never willing to give

Always takin

Well I need my own supply

Of the

Heart bledin

Eyes cryin

Lips liein

You know

That unordinary you

Reviews

[Jaycee]

girl damn! This could be the same b*****d I was dealing with, are most men so selfish or are we just that selfless and give and give and give. I felt this, my own long ago situation came to mind with this one. Very good description of a stingy taker. lol, damn, i still sound mad, and really I'm not.

[Justin J. Sales]

its been a long time since I read your writing.

it'd be fucked up to have to hear this, damn. you got a misplaced "the" in the first line. this is really good though.

[BJ "Bunneh3000" Brown]

I know this took me a while to review (sorry about that) but I think that the beginning of this piece could be extended. It has a nice flow to begin the piece and I think it could be powerful. Kinda like:

"So many times my tears burned over you
"So many times my joy died 'cause of you

Something like that. You could even come back to it later on in the piece and then maybe flip the focus to something more positive

"And now my heart is stronger than what you do
"and now my passion is wiser staying away from you

Whatcha think?

[Amorphlux]

Good:ohoooo..... nice attitude.A lot of frustration and a lot of adrenaline rush. Nice again. I must say that is my first "colored" poem.heheh pls write more i like it :D
Not so good: i would rearrange the list Sittin,Cookin,Cleanin,F****n,Suckin,Lovin,Trustin,Givin, as priorities


I'm acid and i belong to INSOMNIA GROUP.

[Damien Dsoul]

This work sounds a lot like Macy Gray having herself a bad day with her man. The words are tight and raw to the bone, the anger witty and sharp ... sure hate to be the fellow who gets sent this piece.

[H. A. M.]

that unordinary you.
This is some pissed off work miss. Glad I'm not him. except for the miss placed word in the begining(the extra the) it's pretty much to the point.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Sounds like you found your way out of a bad situation, good write. Thank you for sharing. Debileah