My Fair City

My Fair City

A Poem by Franklin...
"

Just something I felt like writing.

"
Farewell to you, my fair city 
Didn't work out, such a pity 
I'm leaving you your apathy 
And taking all my sympathy 

Stare into your, face blank and worn 
Go ahead then, drown in your scorn 
I hope that you all find your lives 
Turn into what each of you strives 

But I won't be, sat here to see 
I'll be somewhere, working on me 
Your minds will never light upon
The matter that I have been gone

I'm not concerned, with you all now 
The curtain falls, a mocking bow 
I bid with great audacity 
Farewell to you, my fair city. 

© 2010 Franklin...


Author's Note

Franklin...
Maybe the first poem I've written where I paid any attention at all to syllables..please point out if I've fouled up somewhere.

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Featured Review

wonderful, great work on the rhyme scheme, flow, and syllabic meter, although adding "away" to the last verse of the first stanza as in " taking away all my sympathy" would fix the syllabic meter, the idea of the departure is good, rebellious as well, yet I wounder why did you use "goodbye" instead of "farewell" at the end, not that it's a bad thing, but it holds some kind of hope to return, unless you're feeling homesick already .
well done mate

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Beautifully written! There's not one bad thing I could say about this write, and the word choice is brilliant! I really like this. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ah ok ... my bad I had this tune in my head that messed me up !!
and yeah it would sound better if you used farewell, never mind redundancy, I find it good sometimes, specially when you end the poem with what you started it with

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This piece is almost a perfect 8 beat write... Line 3 of the first stanza has 9 beats as does line one of the second stanza.. but, that isn't a criticism. I think it works for the write.

This has the feel of someone leaving a place because, maybe it's too big, too vast... he feels maybe insignificant there... This could be a metaphor for so many different things... each reader can take something different away from this. In my, humble opinion, that is the mark of a really good write...I can't speak for others, only myself.

The flow of this write is great and you have chosen some great words to use.

It's an excellent write :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hmm, according to the dictionary "sympathy" is 3 syllables, so I *think* that line has a total of 8. I guess I just used "goodbye" to avoid repeating myself. Think it would sound better as "farewell"?
Anyway, thanks alot for the review! :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


wonderful, great work on the rhyme scheme, flow, and syllabic meter, although adding "away" to the last verse of the first stanza as in " taking away all my sympathy" would fix the syllabic meter, the idea of the departure is good, rebellious as well, yet I wounder why did you use "goodbye" instead of "farewell" at the end, not that it's a bad thing, but it holds some kind of hope to return, unless you're feeling homesick already .
well done mate

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 31, 2010
Last Updated on July 31, 2010
Tags: Farewell

Author

Franklin...
Franklin...

AK



About
Just a guy who dabbles with writing from time to time. Just thought I'd put this here for reference, and to possibly fend off any misunderstanding: I'm not in the habit of writing two word reviews. D.. more..

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