prologue

I run after the herd of elk next to my best friend, Azari, along with the rest of the hunting party. The herd finally comes to a stop in a field with tall grass. Azari and I crouch to mask our scents. We slowly move towards the herd, being careful not to make any sound. The rest of the hunting party follow behind us. Just then, I see movement on the other side of the herd, it's not an elk. I see a tail agging above the grass and then a paw quickly swipes it down. I lift my nose to pick up their scent, wolves. I nudge Azari and point my ears towards the enemy pack. 

"Southern wolves, what are they doing here?" Azari growls. The leader of the southern wolf hunting party jumps at the herd and naturally all the wolves jump at the herd. I see one wolf slam their body into another wolf. Pretty soon, the northern and southern wolves are weaving in and out of the elk, fighting each other. The elk, startled start to stampede towards the wolves and we all run towards the stream the seperates the northern and southern territories. Everyone dives behind a fallen tree to take cover. Of course with my luck, I trip over one of the branches of the tree and fall out into the open.

I look behind me at the oncoming elk and put my paws over my head and neck for at least a little protection. A shadow flies across the ground and lands on top of me. I look up and see Azari standing over me. The elk quickly approach and start swerving around us. I squeeze my eyes shut hoping the wave ends soon. I open them again to see the last few elk headed towards us. For a moment I think we're safe. That is, until I see the last elk. I see it jump but not very high. I get pushed down from the impact of Azari being shoved off of me. I turn my head to see the elk jump the stream with the rest of it's herd. I push myself off the ground and run over to Azari. 

"Azari!" I call out to her. "Please Azari, wake up, you're my best friend, I don't want to lose you." I sob. Her chest steadily rises and falls as she takes her final breath. Then she lies there, comepletely still with a small smile on her face. I howl to mourn the loss of my friend. Her father, who is also the alpha, howls as well. One by one, all the wolves start to howl, southern and northern wolves together. Crow, Azari's father, turns to the southern wolves and speaks firmly.

"Go home." he says. The southern wolf hunting party lowers their heads and  jump across the stream. The northern wolves head back to the main camp and I follow keeping a distance from the rest of the group. I look back at Azari's lifeless body one last time and continue following the hunting party.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Overall, a dynamic storyline showing the clash between two wolf clans and the resident elk herd. I'm captured by your story & it holds my attention with good pacing & clear sequence of events. The only bump for me: in the opening paragraph, it's not clear that the narrator & Azari are wolves. This is not revealed until the last two words of that paragraph. It would be good to have descriptive clues (the lick of a paw or switch of a tail) to show the wolf identities right away, instead of reading this whole paragraph, thinking these are human hunters, then having to re-read it with the clearer picture. I like that you use dialogue, but I wonder about this line: "you're my best friend, I don't want to lose you" -- would anyone really say this about being best friends, when the friend is dying? You already made the "best friends" point clear earlier in your story & this feel redundant to me. All in all, this writing can stand strongly & successfully as it is, but I had to give you feedback about how it came across to me (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[John the Baptist]

Imaginative, exciting, but you need to correct typos and grammatical errors.

[Shep]

I really enjoyed your story of the two wolves the detail was amazing and found it very well written clear and very convincing somewhat sad in end. I am looking forward to reading more.

[Amy Temple]

Very, very well written. You definitely got a gift for words, April. Your story was so touching. So moving. The story flowed perfectly. I felt like I was right there with the animals. Just beautiful.

[April Faust]

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it. I'm currently working on the first chapter of this story if you would like to read more.

[Amy Temple]

I would, thank you.

[April Faust]

I finished the chapter so you can read that when you want.

[Amy Temple]

I got it. Thank you.

[Amy Temple]

I just read the chapter. Very, very good. Really. And am I to understand through your author's note that you are still in school? My gosh! April, you should really pursue writing as a career once you are finished with school. You are one very gifted writer.

[April Faust]

Thank you so much, I just really enjoy writing and, yes I'm still in school, I'm currently in 8th grade, going into 9th.

[Amy Temple]

Oh my goodness! April, with how you write I thought you were older! You write with such a maturity that is so remarkable! I meant what I said before, you are very talented. You should really consider it as a career.

[April Faust]

I have been but my parents say it's not a very stable job

[Amy Temple]

They're just looking out for you. I have had to find another job so I can pay my bills but I write on a regular basis and I am hoping I can make it my full time career one day. You have a gift, April. Don't give up.