Blessings (Senryu)

                     All humans awake

Take count of your blessings 
                     Be thankful you woke

Reviews

[mattavelli]

This one is ominous. here you use "now" twice. Do you do this for tone?

[Willard Wells]

not effect as much as it worked. I am still reviewing writing on Haiku and Senryu. And I had not found anything about same work use. I saw lots about punctuation I guess I have more reading to do.

[Willard Wells]

Just for fun I re did this one also, Took a different approach. See you make me a better person. Hahaha

[mattavelli]

I would ignore any rule against it. Haha. But if it's redundant, then it's a wasted syllable.
read moreI would ignore any rule against it. Haha. But if it's redundant, then it's a wasted syllable.
Awaken humans
Take count of all your blessings
Be thankful you woke

[mattavelli]

Haha. Likeminds.

[E G TEN]

Hey Will, great Senryu! You word it perfectly, nothing fancy but touches all walks of life" Thanks for Sharing! :-)

[Willard Wells]

E G thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate your taking time.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. You said everything in so few words. I learn with time. Everyday is a blessing. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Willard Wells]

Coyote, thank you for reading my work and commenting. Every human at some point in their life have to be thankful or as many are, they are lost and may never be found.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree and you are welcome.

[Jen]

Nice job with a good message.

[Willard Wells]

thank you Jen. Greatly appreciated.

[JayceeC]

Willard are you trying to rework this? I think I've seen it before. Last line is still a sticking point for me although you message is clear.

[Willard Wells]

It has been up for 2 days so you may have read it. I may rework it when I find something I like. I have some idea I may use on the last line soon and see how it goes "Be thankful you woke"

[AaronFreitas]

Nice... like the message behind those words. Good work!

[Willard Wells]

Thank you Aaron. Appreciate the visit and words. Much appreciated.

[R Smith]

great senryu Willard, like the way you got a message over in so few words :)

[Willard Wells]

Thanks Richard. Doing these has effected my other work also. I seem to be getting better at reducing my word count and so my poems are changing in style to some degree.

[R Smith]

You're right I believe that is a good thing, I wrote 3 Haiku's but since then i have revised older poems and reduced the length of lines and become 'stanza man' instead of one long unbroken poem and boy do i feel better for it lol :)

[Jamestown]

You are alive and well, be aware of the blessings you have received!
This is a cool reminder and great write:)
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Willard Wells]

We to often take for granted the thing around us. We pray before sleep, but maybe a little after we wait would be good too. Thanks for reading my work.

[Tom McRoberts]

Your usage of 'awake' and 'wake'--in both affirmative and past-tense--clashes a little here, Willard. I really like the use of an unknown narrative voice though, gives the poem a strong mystical impression.

[Willard Wells]

Thanks for reading and commenting. i will have review my work and see if a change is in orde. I get caught sometimes with the count. Not sure yet here.

[Perkele.7885]

There is a proffered suggestion here, now that you are awake.
Count your blessings. Make yourself aware and get out of the dark.
I like the poem and the premise it represents.

[Willard Wells]

Thank you Raj and as always I appreciate your reading and commenting.