Fade (Senryu)

Fade (Senryu)

A Poem by AaronFreitas
"

My attempt at a Senryu

"

Needle hits the ground:

Falls to his knees scared of death,

Eyes close, fade away.

© 2015 AaronFreitas


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Author's Note

AaronFreitas
Let me know your thoughts... first attempt I have posted. Worth a try

My Review

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Featured Review

Aaron: Couldn't imagine trying to write 17 syllables; in addition, the content. You hit me between the eyes with a powerful write, the visual is stunning. You should be proud. Very well done indeed. To fall and be in fear of death, wow, imagery is so emotionally powerful, I'm probably silly, I'm wondering what was he writing when the pen dropped. Great writing. Thanks. Dale

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Thanks very much Dale... the secret can't be revealed lol ... appreciate your review my friend :)
Confuser

4 Years Ago

You're welcome Aaron: Wouldn't help me one tiny bit! Awesome...;D



Reviews

I adore haiku poetry and this was superb. It's amazing what 17 syllables can do and the imagery they can contain. Well done!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

3 Years Ago

Thank you very much! It wasn't easy to come up with what I wanted but it ended up working out :)
There is a proverb … it is easier for a camel to go through a needle than rich man into heaven. I say you have created a layered and in evocative piece

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your review :) This is one of my favorite writes and 1 of only 2 attempts at .. read more
So much from so little... it takes true talent to do that, my friend. Burabō!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much :) I tried my best and it's not the easiest format to write in but it is fun and.. read more
wow..... three sentence and a huge concept.... wonderful............... when eyes are closed due to fear of death ... you really die even if you don't die in reality

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much Daisy :) This was my very first one of these I posted and was scared to post it.. read more
Daisy

4 Years Ago

well it's true that people have fear for criticism but live is beyond this fear so go no and don't f.. read more
My cousin, a heroin addict, died this way at age 24, though I can't be sure that he was scared of death while he choked on his vomit. You are a senryu (or haiku in my opinion) writer! Keep doing it.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much Roland... yeah not too sure if many are scared of death when it comes to addicti.. read more
Roland Petrov

4 Years Ago

A Handbook to Literature by Holman and Harmon (Macmillan, 1992) states that senryu "has a lighter mo.. read more
AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Makes perfect sense :)
Very powerful write. Reminds of a drug addict before they die. They imagine what life could be if only they were normal. But they don't care whether they live or die anymore.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Spot on what I was thinking of when I was writing it :)
This paints a very sad moment like something that breaks you down literally

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Thank you armywife :) This was my first try at a senryu and I was so happy people liked it... hard .. read more
WoW! You are very talented!!!!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Thank you... this was my first attempt at a Senryu :) I am glad you liked it
honestly, with this I felt peace. People perceive what their heart or mind wants to and even then it's uncontrollable to completely justify a thought or a feel.. short and deep.. NICE!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

silent poet

4 Years Ago

yes! just reviewed it, :) I have been reading your work since I came online.. you'ere one my favorit.. read more
AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

Yay I appreciate that :)
silent poet

4 Years Ago

:) Always a pleasure
Tons of emotions in this short piece. Amazing brother. I wish I could write such poems but I am not able to understand the concept of Haiku and Senryu.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

4 Years Ago

I took my best shot... the two I have recently are the only two I've done. It's tough but fun :)

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2315 Views
69 Reviews
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Added on April 30, 2015
Last Updated on May 1, 2015
Tags: senryu

Author

AaronFreitas
AaronFreitas

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About
I love to write, most my work tends to be on the darker side. I write from my heart and tend not to mess with it too much. I guess sometimes I write and post without focusing on what everyone else w.. more..

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