Longing To

Longing To

By

Jose M. Euvin

 

I'm screaming my heart out

Yet you can't see

 

The pain that you left

Lives deep inside me

 

I drown all my sorrows

Inside a bottle

 

Don't care what life

Brings me tomorrow

 

If life's a sweet melody

Mine has gone bitter

 

I'm longing to see you

Attend to your Ritter

 

At night I search for you

With my shining armor

 

Enchanted I'll wait

Defending your honor

 

In part I'm tormented

By the pain I inflict

 

My futures demented

And hard to predict

 

The spell has been cast

Which only you are to break

 

My love's everlasting

For no one can take!

 

 

Reviews

[T. L. O'Neal]

A love gone bad is a painful malady but you expressed it well. Good read. T

[Kevin Colaprete]

A bit on the short side, but nonetheless ingenius. I especially like the fact that you reference yourself as a knight in shining armor.

[Ashes]

Nice. The flow and style almost remind me of a song, especially with the first stanza. There's a lot of emotion, but it's not raw, nor refined which gives a nice feel to most who read it. Over all this is a very nice romantic piece.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

so sad and full of emotion -- great writing

[~ Tex]

I like the write and the addition of the author's note. While many people might know what a Ritter is, besides a John Ritter, LOL, (may he rest in peace), there just as many or more who do not - so it's always nice to have some input from the author to help educate everyone, especially the young writers.

[Bittercream]

Even if I prefer angels than knights (my next post will show why), I like the poem.
The rythm is not that important, it's a very strong feeling that reaches me by reading this.

[Ken Simm.]

Remarkable and poignant Ken

[France (Tyz)]

You've loved and lost ... well written!

[R J Askew]

it's a difficult thing love. we chase it then when we get it it drives us mad!

[jmt8921]

I like the fact that the poem does a good job of conveying the emotion of the narrator without being too straightforward. The poem suggests a situation, but its vague, leaving the reader to fill in the pieces and pick which version of the story they like best. Btw, what's a ritter?

[Chloe Smith]

Awww, I love poetry like this and hate it too, both emotions with raw passion! I always wanted someone to feel like that about me! I really like the structure of it. I love the fact that your poem here is short and therefore hits harder allowing the mind to wonder. I've yet to master the art of rhyme so respect to you. Yout poem is almost the poetry version of the book I'm writing at the moment. I think you should read the prologue to "The Story of "M"". I am much better at reviewing stories, if you have any I will read them for I am not a poet. I can sense the passion/pain in your words and it makes me empathise with the narrator. Good work bro!