Leaving Neverland

Leaving Neverland

By

Jose M. Euvin

 

The children flew out the window

Never to be seen

To a world full of adventures

And Wendy became their Queen

 

She told them marvelous stories

Told them fairytales

Spoke of Cinderella

Spoke of witches and spells

 

They soon forgot their parents

In this wondrous land

They care only for their leader

Better known as Peter Pan

 

A brave soul who knew no fear

A child without a past

Living where dreams are made of

A placed called Neverland

 

Fighting thief and pirates

Flying from cloud to cloud

With his fairy guardian

Tinkerbell by his side

 

Soon the adventure was over

The children had to go to home

Leaving Neverland was painful

Yet all kids turn into adults

 

Except One!!!

 

 

Reviews

[Spoken]

My favorite childrens' story! I think I have all the Peter Pan movies and books! I enjoyed this poem. Some suggestion:

Fighting thief and pirates

"fighting theives and pirates"

TinkleBell by his side

"TinkerBell"... sorry, I chuckled at this. :)

The children had to go to home

"The children had to go home"

Loved it! Thanks for sharing!

[Antony]

this brought back some good memories, I think we have all experienced in this fairy tale, all wishing we could be as he was, never to grow old. Nice work
Tony

[kristyn=]]

Peter pan... nice change.. interesting but nice.

[Lionel Braud]

like how you retell the tale in your own words but I would have liked to have had more to think about, maybe elaborate more on the last stanza. use fillers to fill in.

[JayG]

It's a bit lumpy. You need to pay closer attention to detail when you edit.

In the first stanza you provide ABCB rhyme scheme, and that sets the expectation that it will continue, but it doesn't.

In the third stanza you have a false rhyme of land/pan, which is close enough to a true rhyme to confuse a reader.

Further, you say, "They care only for their leader." But everything else is past tense.

In the fourth stanza, in line three you add an extra half beat with "of" but the poem works better without the word, and the extra beat throws cadence off.

The last stanza simply falls apart, logically and storywise, because you forced line four, and ignore the fact that Peter is just one of the lost boys, none of whom grow up. He's the leader, but as I remember it, they all stay young forever. And of course the Darlings went home because they missed the nursery, not because they wanted to grow up.

In any case the pirates were dead and there was no more fighting to do, so the game-if you can call it that-was over and it was time for a happy ending. No one would have wanted to publish a story about kids who run away from home and are happy forever after.

Wish I had better news.

Jay

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

i enjoyed this -- great -- and yes different - nice change...

[An Ever Ending Story]

I really enjoyed this poem.

Simplistic, with an emphasis on the rather austere rhyme scheme (though this drops off nearing the finish), and an overly child like vocabulary. But if it had been made any other way, it would have lost it's sincerity. It is fairytale poem, and it doesn't pretend to be anything else. The simplicity gifts it with a strange sort of elegance; the rhyme scheme gives it a nice, suitable fluidity (given it's subject and nature); and the vocabulary displays a sense of innocent understanding that is lost in many poems, which find themselves over saturated in complex and often times pretentious word play and rhythm.

[TL Boehm]

I like this one. Its light hearted, and gentle. Occassionally we all need to digress a bit.

[Naia Aingeal]

I, too, like this. Definitely a nice change of pace. :-)

[Dead Angel]

very cool poem, i loved it. although i didn't like how you started rhyming in the beginning but then stopped towards the end. other than that it was an enjoyable read. :)

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

this is very cute and the flow was wonderful.