Desirous Triumvirate

II shot the Moon

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice use of the sun and the moon.
"Yes, II did, II shot the Moon but then... II shot the Sun too
For II Love her still "
Poor moon and the sun. The heart need revenge and healing. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thank you Coyote for always stopping by.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my honor and you are welcome.

[Davidgeo]

Good structure, opening stanza's with identical lines can be effective and I think this was. There is a dark tone underlying this for me when I read it... but, the phrase "shoot the moon" from Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke kept popping up in my head ruining the mood. Not saying you should change anything, I'm probably the only one who thinks of that... not a lot of stoners up in this place.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I dont even think I know what that is but I'll definitely look it up! Thanks for stopping by.

[Davidgeo]

[Davidgeo]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCXqbjo6cb0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZlqqO_AyYA

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thanks for sending me that you creepy pirate! Ill be looking forward for some more vids. XD

[Jddcbjiuh]

very nice, I like the metaphor of shooting the moon and letting it bleed in the sky. Nicely written, love is raw and seen in this piece.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Its the season to be loveless. Thanks for stopping by. ;)

[Neal S]

Wow! Raw and hardcore! I really enjoyed this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Than you very much kind sir

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Wow. This is almost like listening to some ancient story or something, with music thumping in the background!
I loved the plot and even more so the flow of it!
Last but one stanza is my favourite!
Way to go!

PS: What's the story behind double 'I'?

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

There are double I because there are 2 speakers. In the first stanza it is obviously Earth, who expresses more jealousy and vengeance, the seconde stanza present a speaker who cared more of her love. As in the end Earth shoots the Sun but the the person saying that loves her is the second speaker. Hope you understood

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Okay. I did not understand it completely earlier but now I do.
Glad that I asked, I would have lived in the dark forever.
Great story!

[S. S. Allen]

Wow... "shot the poor thing and all its swoon..no love for him or me anytime soon" Menacingly riveting ;)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Yes, I got tired of the cute and cuddly, felt like something like this would actually connect to a lot more people. Lol.

[KTizzle]

In this line, was it supposed to be "fed" and not "feed" to rhyme with "red?" "The deadly intentions that my thoughts feed"

"that is why it bang and pop" I don't really like this line. It didn't flow well for me.

Otherwise, I liked everything else. I thought it was an interesting story that was described well. My favorite lines were, "But II feel no remorse, carry her out on a horse
Float her in the galaxy wave
she still couldn't have been saved." I like the relationship between the moon and the sun and how at the end how actions affect others around us.

Interesting write.

Thanks for posting!

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

You are totally correct it should read fed and the other will be edited. Thanks for pointing that out. I just wrote it today and didn't even double check it. Lol. and Im glad you didn't mind the double I (II) I kinda did that on purpose. So Thanks!!!