The Magic Canopy of love

The Magic Canopy of love

A Poem by Bala Gorthi
"

Free verse- For Ten Words Contest

"


As I look at the canopy of my life
And recall the red letter day of it
It was the day you entered
The kingdom of my heart, when

My whole existence turned into
A utensil containing
The ocean called love
You roamed like a starfish
Making my tiny heart tickle
You made my own identity diminish
To a sparse microorganism
While you danced in my soul

Like a wild palomino in lush valleys
As the wheel of my life progressed
My dream of our two souls walking abreast
Remained a distant dream
With you reigning my heart
And soul like a monarch.
My own existence became
A nonexistent being, being lost in you...

 

 


© 2017 Bala Gorthi



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Featured Review

Sometimes love can suffocate... sometimes that is wonderful, to be lost in one's true love. But I have a feeling that it would be better to have your 'dream of our two souls walking abreast.' The person in your poem is perhaps happier being a 'non-existent being, being lost in you.'?' Inspired poem.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

6 Months Ago

I think or rather for me love us merging with the other soul in every plane. With every breath the l.. read more
Great Aunt Astri

6 Months Ago

Yes, but don't you think we should keep our separate identities? Although, at a 'soul level' I am su.. read more
Bala Gorthi

6 Months Ago

Of course for the world or profession we all maintain and have to maintain individual identities. read more



Reviews

Sometimes love can suffocate... sometimes that is wonderful, to be lost in one's true love. But I have a feeling that it would be better to have your 'dream of our two souls walking abreast.' The person in your poem is perhaps happier being a 'non-existent being, being lost in you.'?' Inspired poem.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

6 Months Ago

I think or rather for me love us merging with the other soul in every plane. With every breath the l.. read more
Great Aunt Astri

6 Months Ago

Yes, but don't you think we should keep our separate identities? Although, at a 'soul level' I am su.. read more
Bala Gorthi

6 Months Ago

Of course for the world or profession we all maintain and have to maintain individual identities. read more
I know one thing for certain: You have a special talent for 10-word contests. The metaphors, nuances, descriptions, and images all meld perfectly. Also, I typically don't like it when a poet capitalizes every line, but I think it works well in this piece ... your enjambment and spot-on syntax make it work without tampering the readability. I did, however, stumble at the line "In which you swim ..." I paused after the line before that, and therefore expected the next line to be it's own sentence, not a continuation of the same sentence. That being said, I suggest taking out the "in which" phrase to make it a complete sentence. Other than that, I had no problems with the piece at all. I immensely enjoyed.

- William Liston

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Thank very much William, for your kind visit and very honest reviews.
I agree with your obse.. read more
Great title, which provokes a sense that love can overtake a person the way a canopy shuts out the sun . . . we enjoy the shade, but in the extreme, a lack of sun could be equivalent to losing oneself in the love experience. As always, you writing is very imaginative & full of sparkling analogies. I love the juxtaposition between starfish with tiny heart and the wild palamino -- this SHOWS how one in a relationship can overpower the other, despite this powerful horse that's seductive & desirable. I think starfish do not swim, so I would try to think of a different verb . . . ideas: "you sneak/slink/snake/slither along like a starfish" . . . (???) All in all, I'm very impressed by your talent for doing these 10-word poems in a way that isn't predictable at all . . . very refreshing & imaginative!

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Thank you very much Margie, for your visit and all that appreciation. I agree with your observation... read more
barleygirl

10 Months Ago

Enjoy your busy week & thanks for the appreciation! (((HUGS)))
So beautiful and enchanting. I enjoyed every line and sentence. You are talented...:).....................

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Thank you For visiting and leaving your precious comments, Sir. Keep visiting.
Sami Khalil

10 Months Ago

You are welcome. ....::::)))))
A very romantic poem.

Not a fan of free verse myself, but you have managed to present your heartfelt words in a lovely free flowing progression of thoughts and images.

Once again, good use of vocabulary and some divine imagery throughout. Especially your reference to palominos. I appreciate that one very much.

Another finely written piece, Bala. Keep up the good work.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing this piece, Doodley. Your reviews are always encouraging and enl.. read more
Heavy sigh! Such a gloriously romantic write. Lovely. lydi**

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Your visit and words are much appreciated. Thank you, Lydia.
so lovely how you blended these random words into a beautiful poem. well done!

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Your visit and words are much appreciated. Thank you for visiting.
Ana Papaya

10 Months Ago

You are welcome Bala.
Haha, I loved last line...you play very well with given words...I enjoyed dive here..:)

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Thank you, Surya for the visit and enjoying the write. This time the words touched my soul and insta.. read more
This is one really smooth piece to read. The more I read this one, the more I fall in love with this poem. Effortless writing and excellent imagination. Very delicately woven. I felt that those 10 words were created especially for this piece. Like always another wonderful writing from you.
Keep up the good work :-) :-)

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

All credit to those ten words which sparked this poem.
Well dear, as always, your words give .. read more
"My own existence became
A nonexistent being, being lost in you..."

I like the metaphors you used here and the imagery is quite excellent.
Soft, touching read.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bala Gorthi

10 Months Ago

Thank you for visiting and appreciating. The verses you picked are my favourites too..
Dr YumnaKay

10 Months Ago

I liked them the best :)
You're welcome, Bala. Always a pleasure reading :)

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Added on April 6, 2017
Last Updated on August 8, 2017

Author

Bala Gorthi
Bala Gorthi

India



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I am here to share my random thoughts. For me, destiny is a matter of choice. And our Karma brings that choice.. more..

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