The darkest days

Just words

                                  The darkest days

Winter of 1992 is holding on and I'm hiding out on Highway one. I brought the vodka and pineapple juice to Big Sur. Me and my soldier friend Padget are drinking hard.  He is yelling at the sea. Telling the sea to f-off. I laughed at him standing near the moving water. I thought. How small we are. Padget was a wild man. He was Baltimore born and he loved to test life and the Army system. He taught me how to suicide board the Pacific and he was hell-bounded. He didn't care.

I walked to the hidden path at Big Surf. You climb-up to a mountain peak and you can see forever. I said a prayer.

"Please Lord. Forgive me for the sin of drinking the gin. Forgive me for becoming a barren soul and alone. Once I held great dreams and today I'm damn. Somehow I got twisted and I'm used up. I lost my mind and I lost my heart. Dead brothers and bad decisions led me to a poor ending. Now I love the drink, the free highway and the long legged ladies.

Please show me. the darkest days are needed to show us. The light of hope can be found again. Thank you for the sea and thank you Lord. For keeping me safe from my insanity."

The highway is a fine teacher.  It showed you new places, it teaches you the gin and juice become bitter with time. It teaches us. Women may come and go. Love is rare and sweet. Love is like a desert flower. Rarely bloomed and a blessing to see and behold.

I looked at the mirror yesterday. I saw a stranger. Old face had left and new face. Wore and torn eyes looking gray and lonely. I go back to Padget. Crazy man is trying to escape the rocks and go into the open sea. I joined him. We can never escape the rocks. Big Sur. Wild sea and perfect place to dance with the sea.

Big Sur, teaches us. We are just mere sand in a world of great oceans and great land mass. We are just visitors upon the earth. 

Old men love the dark days. Filled with anger and hard dreams. Today Johnnie would love to visit Big Sur. This time he would escape the rocks and suicide board down the coastlines of Big Sur. Find the hidden bay filled with crystals of many colors. He would leave them be. Just hold them for a moment. Old men know. Love the dangerous days and love the good days more.

                              John Castellenas/Coyote

Author's Note

Just words and story.

Reviews

[Ardra]

Please show me. the darkest days are needed to show us. The light of hope can be found again. Thank you for the sea and thank you Lord. For keeping me safe from my insanity."

mmm :) always something sweet to take back from your stories...
as a kid i was always found of stories... i would pester each and every relative of mine to tell me stories..
i even remember my mom making up stories so that i eat the food...i would stop chewing when she won't continue the story hahah..finally she would say.. in the forest..me and the fox and the rabbit lol..
and loved the comics...i did try my hand at writing at young age..but never thought i would continue it..
am glad i found my way back to writing... and our words mean so much to us...

and i love when you tell your stories :))

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Galadriel I appreciate the kind words.

[Cherrie Palmer]

just like life, this story is a blending, no one expresses it better.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are very kind Cherrie and thank you for reading and the comment.

[Cherrie Palmer]

PS love the video too

[barleygirl]

Another excellent story in a poem from you . . . quite a bit different than others I've read & I like the way this shows another side of your life experiences. Great details that you've shared here! I knew an old man who fell off a cliff in that same area & died. One of these days I'll write his story. He was an awesome old guy & now I feel like I could be similar to him in my own old age, living here in this wilderness! Thanks for the share & for conjuring up the memories (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Margie. Big Sur was dangerous and I'm returning to her in late may.

[barleygirl]

I'm very happy for you! *smile*

[John Ciarmello]

You have a few love affairs going in this piece my friend John. I found them all as intriguing as the one before. You have worked them all in perfectly and seamlessly. The love of liquor, the love of friendship, the love of romance, and the love of God! Well written sir! Always a pleasure to read your writing John!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you John. I appreciate the kind words. Big Sur. God's country.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

From every season there was a reason - we live and learn, win some lose some, we live on without regret, to have lived and learnt is an accomplishment right there - rather to have had than not to have had🌹

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right. Must live to learn, must had lived to write. Thank you for reading and the comment dear Kelly. I do appreciate.

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

My pleasure 🌹

[poetgurl]

Wow! deep words and wisdom. Wonderful story, very descriptive.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the comment. I need a year at Big Sur. I would write a novel and never complain.