White Chapel

The Dobsons are buying a country house. That's all there is to it.

The weather forecast had predicted rain and foul weather. So far, only a handful of little fluffy white lambs were gambolling in a bright blue sky, watched over by a cheeky November sun.

The Dobsons had just finished their visit of the country house they intended to buy. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d picked up the rice in the church where a wedding had been, had shown them around and delighted in their gleeful excitement. It turned out to be more than their dream house. Everything was just perfect. It had taste and class with an eye for comfort. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d darned his socks for the occasion, was selling it furnished and Jim Dobson and his wife Janey did not intend to change a thing. Their bedroom and that of the twins both had picture windows that overlooked the driveway and a manicured garden. The parents’ was soft blue and the girls’ pink. The kitchen was any housewife’s dream. Janey could not stop drooling over the cooker range, the hanging pots, the cabinets and the island. The sitting room was equipped with a huge fireplace and the couch and armchairs looked comfy enough. On the wall, there was a large painting of a ship, sailing to sea with a lone seagull riding on a thermal.

                     

                                 **************************************

“I can’t believe our luck, darling,” said Janey with a big smile. 

The twins were sitting in the back playing 'I spy with my little eye'.

“It sure is a stroke of luck, honey. Steep price, though. But it’s well worth it.”

“S**t!” exclaimed Janey.            

“Muuum! Language,” admonished Lily, the cheekier of the two girls while her sister Emmy was giggling behind her hands. (or is it the other way round? Damn, they look so much alike)

“Sorry sweetheart.”

“What is it?” enquired Jim with a raised eyebrow. 

He shifted gear and followed a bend in the road.

“We saw the bathroom, right?”

“Yes, gorgeous, wasn’t it?”

“I know, but I didn’t see any toilet seat. Did you?”

“Blimey! You’re right. It must be in a separate part and father Mc Kenzie forgot to show it to us.”

“Yes, I’m sure, but I’m annoyed that it has slipped his mind.”

“Not to worry. We’ll write him a quick mail and ask where it is.”

 

Back home, Janey logged on and wrote:

Dear Father Mc Kenzie,

Thank you very much again for showing us around today. However, and I’m sure it was an oversight on your part, we didn’t see the WC. Could you please tell us where it is?

Thanking you in advance,

Yours truly

J & J Dobson

 

On reading the Email, Father Mc Kenzie, not familiar with the abbreviation WC that stood for water closet, took it to mean White Chapel, the church where he preached. He wrote back:

Dear Mr. and Mrs Dobson,

I thank you for your enquiry and am glad you asked about the place of your interest. 

The WC is located roughly about 3 miles away from the house, which can be awkward if you intend to go there on foot. It is advisable that you go there early to be able to find seats. I am sure you will be pleased by the cleanliness of the place and the incense filling it, to drive away the nasty smells. Children can sit next to their parents and everybody can sing in chorus. The place is astutely equipped with amplifiers so the people outside can benefit from the sounds coming out. One side is a huge glass pane so people can watch from the outside. On arrival, you will be given pieces of paper. Please, remember to give yours back on leaving so they can be used by others.

I hope my explanation is to your satisfaction. It will please me no end to watch you sitting there, using your sheets of paper and singing God’s grace.

Until we meet again,

I remain respectfully yours

Father Mc Kenzie   

Author's Note

I'm sure you will have gathered that WC is an abbreviation of "Water Closet" which the French use a lot on their bathroom doors. I don't remeember seeing that anywhere during my stay in Scotland.

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Woody,

I really do not know what to say, except to say that this little tale is ingeniously, as well as sadistically some might add, hilarious, well constructed, well timed, and very well written in such a manner's fashion as to leave smile upon faces such as old farts from Texas like mine ... Bravo!

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Woody]

My dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. Many thanks from an old fart from Tunisia. Also, I apologize for taking so long in replying. What can I say? Various things got in the way. I'm so glad you enjoyed my antics. God bless.

[Einstein Noodle]

i thought it was the English with water closets ... thanks for the belly laugh this morning ..its better than Carter's Little Liver Pills for a healthy day! :) there was a WC joke we told as kids but for the life of me i can not remember it ..wasn't this Father McKenzie version tho .. nice tip to the Beatles .. fine humor sir!
E.

[Woody]

I plead ignorance as to Carter's thingy but thanks for the compliment E. glad this made you laugh. it's always an added bonus for me when people get my little references to bands or songs.

[Einstein Noodle]

Carter's liver pills were sold and a popular goof of teens in the 50's and 60's ;) there commercials were infamous.

[1VJ]

Writer's Cafe, water closet, white chapel, it all fits concisely in a nutshell, which is apparently you. lqtm :)

[Woody]

haha quite right Paloma. thanks a lot for stopping in. glad you enjoyed the story. I have plenty of reviewing to catch up on but I'll definitely stop by your page shortly.

[Winslow Des Totes]

XD oh my! First off let me start by saying I love the beatles. Secondly wow! I giggled quick a lot as I was reading the last few paragraphs and I couldn't help but imagine the shocked expression on poor Janey's face as she read it too >.< you never fail to make me laugh thank you Woody!!

[Woody]

and thank YOU Winslow for taking the time. I'm super glad it made you laugh. ah the Beatles! glad you caught that.
talking at cross-purposes always makes me laugh.
I'll pay you a visit shortly :)

[Winslow Des Totes]

lol that's honestly my favorite song by the Beatles so it gave the story an added bonus!

[Valentine]

You are so funny. Hoped you were still on here. Valentine

[Woody]

thank you very much Kathie (sorry got your name wrong the other day). yes I'm definitely back.
always a pleasure to see you enjoy my stories.

[M.E.Lyle]

Ho,ho, ho, Woody, another good one. I must admit, I would not have picked up on the Father McKenzie thing if it had not been for the previous review. A sharp eye there.
Hope you've been well.
M.E.

[Woody]

hey thanks a lot Mike. ah I see you're not a Beatles fan then. glad you liked this one.
I'm alright, M. thanks. got plenty of catching up to do :(

[William Richards]

Excellent Woody. Very funny. Lol actually works well for the description of my reaction.

[Woody]

ta very much Bill. so glad you enjoyed this one. talking at cross-purposes never fails to make people laugh, I think.

[Beccy]

Oh Woody; this is just a super and so funny story. Aside from Father McKenzie, (like T, I picked up on that,) the last paragraph could so easily be a Monty Python sketch and the imagery conjured up therein is wonderfully surreal.

Beccy. x

[Woody]

thanks a million Dear. you know me, I happen to be in love with the Beatles and the Monty Python. not a bad combination, I find.
I'm thrilled you liked this . and I never doubted you'd pick on Father McKenzie. I can understand that non British readers may miss those but you or Terps.. would be blasphemy :)

[Terpsichore]

Love the doff of the cap to Eleanor Rigby; and the whole story was quite wonderfully structured and inventive.

You tell a darn good tale Woody.

T

[Woody]

I always feel buoyed by your reviews, T. thank you very much. really flattered.
boy am I glad you picked on the reference. but I shouldn't be surprised really. only the full-fledged Brits will notice. you know, I've done that in a few other stories. sadly, they go unnoticed.
thanks again, Terps. much appreciated.

[Kaliope]

Wo-hoo, a new story! And such a great one too! Glad to see you're back Woody, and I honestly loved this one. I guess the abbreviation wouldn't fool all that many non-native English speakers (which is incredibly ironic, since it's an English abbreviation) but it certainly made a great story. Couldn't stop snickering throughout the letter :-D

[Woody]

so so sorry about my tardiness, Kaliope.
thanks a ton for stopping to read this one. you're right I'm amazed the English don't use this English abbreviation.
glad the letter made you laugh :)

[Kaliope]

Awww, no need to apologize. I'm not as much around as I used to be either. Just saying that I enjoy your work, my friend, and that it's always a pleasure to come back and find one of your little gems waiting for me. Didn't want this to sound like a reproach :-D

[barleygirl]

I love Father McK and the rice . . . Beatles, right? *smile* Your twist is a departure, being long & drawn out, with many funny & creative nuances, rather than your usual "flash-in-the-pan" ending! I'm glad to see that you're learning to make the climax last a little longer now! *tee! hee!* As always, your imagination is off the charts & very well-stated (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

yessss!! I'm always super glad when the reader notices my little references. more often than not, they just go unnoticed :( but then we have to have the same tastes in music and books...
thank you as ever for your unflagging support, M. pure joy that you liked it.