A Hole in the Wall

The destination matters. But so does the path. Not achieving the goal you set is not the same as faillure, but perhaps only an interesting twist.

In the deepest of forests, quite the greenest of greens, there was a house. A home in particular to none at all, could this even be called a house at all..?

Brick by brick, layer by layer, cemented by others, yet none of the current inhabitants seemed to care. And as in every house, there was many a wall, one for each angle; so it could be considered a whole.

One must not judge before it has seen, for every little wall, has paradise waiting behind its seams. A hole is not carved, or so they say. A hole is not created, nor can it be whisked away. A hole is a window, meant to be, not quite for you, nor for me. It is there out of purpose, beyond our telling, but why that is, many failed in foretelling.

One such hole is where our adventure begins, or should I say end, if you know what I mean.

Many creatures are born strong, guile and smart. Some are fast, and some love to hunt. Some have wit, and some have flare, but this little mice, didn't seem to care. This house was no more his then anyone else, but a share of nothing from nothing, is as equal as it gets.

Little feet were planted at the right spot, but he couldn't delay, for the sun was getting hot. Warmth was something that he normally yearned, but the light was his enemy, a hard lesson to learn. Many required the service of mice, some for company, most for a meaty 

slice. Preferred by many, he was as a meal, yet that didn't deter him from trying to get his own fill.

Cockroaches and larva, maggots and worms, little tiny pieces of fruit were also the norm. Yet one thing in particular he craved indeed, 

but to get that thing, one must perform quite a miraculous deed.

Safe as he was, quite safe and sound, outside of his hole, many awaited a mouse to hound. Vipers and vultures, felines and badgers, they all seemed to give him a dreadful shudder.

But he had seen it, not long ago. Golden and perfect, at least that is what he saw. A wheel, almost whole, sliced in the middle, with thick strands of yellow, poking out a little. He knew it was there, awaiting his call, for no cat, or snake would be satisfied with cheese as their goal.

And the little mouse, awaited and hovered, peeking from his hole, staying snugly covered. The cheese he decided was too big to collect. He'll carry as much as he could, and tearfully the rest he'll neglect.

The timing was right, mid day, it seemed, when all the owls and the cats were deep in their dreams. The first step was harder, the rest came with haste, he was making his due, and he would soon have a taste.

Leaping and bouncing, from one furniture to another, the wheel of fortune lay atop the wooden counter. When your goal is so close, it's the hardest, they say. But no one ever mentioned, the 'Hardest' was a big fluffy tail. Thick and brown and as brushy as they come, it appeared that another rodent has considered this place her home.

Big eyes, nonchalant and dreamy, she sat atop the cheese, staring him down, almost quite leery. She would oppose him it seem, that little brown squirrel. It was her treasure, she claimed with exasperation, and despite his pathetic bearings, he would see no ration.

Dejected and defeated, he submitted to the Squirrel. He knew that a conflict will draw unnecessarily dangers to the prowl. At the end of the day, at least he still had his hole. Guilty and bashful the Squirrel called out, ''Don't leave mister mouse, I'm sorry I was acting like a lout.'' He turned to witness her with sparkling eyes, but before he could respond, it appeared that their little gathering had attracted 

attention, this might end very wrong.

A large serpent, green and demanding, one bite would spell quite a horrendous ending. He started to run, making it fast, the hole was not near, but not too far to outlast. The squirrel was lagging behind him, as fast as she could. But there was no way that surviving this menace she would.

Bravery is not possible when fear is brushed away, but when it freezes your veins can courage sway, and so the mouse, little and brittle, jumped on the tail of the serpent, biting more than a little. The snake was distraught, confused and baffled. What matter of madness would make a mouse act like his life weren't something to laugh at?

Such shock gave them the time they required, fleeing while the snake from his ordeal recovered. Tiny teeth, yet sharp without a doubt, they carved into his skin, it was nothing to tut. It wasn't long before they were back in his hole, far too small so a snake couldn't crawl. Exhausted and shocked, she eyed him with care.

''..You gave up your cheese.'' She concluded with guilt, but he knew that something better was being built.

 On that day, in the deepest of forests, a friendship was made. One that was true, free of intents, a mouse and a squirrel, sharing a fate. A friendship to ease on their loneliness, to banish the sorrow.

And the cheese, you ask..?

They'll just get it tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Mitch]

Such a sweet story! I smiled more than a few times reading it though, I must say that while youre rhyming was clever the fact that it wasn't consistent threw me off. It seemed as though you are struggling to find your own style, switching between different methods of narration. I'd suggest you work on your flow if anything so that People can concentrate more on the meaning of your words without being derailed by a somewhat confusing presentation. I mean no offense though, I really enjoyed the story and the ending was just perfect. Just thought I'd throw in my 2cents. :)

[LastMonth]

Oh yes, definetly. I know what you mean.
I have a few styles I like to employ, this one is new.
I have alot of work ahead of me, but I'm glad to hear you liked it.
I'm still struggling with my english vocabulary, but I'm doing my best to master the language, which will help me ryhme better and not lose my flow.

Thanks a bunch for the review, I appreciate it!

[Mitch]

No problem! I'm sure you'll improve with practice and I look forward to hearing more of your work.

[LastMonth]

Thanks mate. Appreciated. I recommend reading 'Purpose' if you feel like it. It is the most recent thing I've added.

[Shannon]

This one is an amazing use if that quirky writing style you sometimes employ. So many clever turns of phrases. This one speaks the loudest to my ear:

"Bravery is not possible when fear is brushed away, but when it freezes your veins can courage sway"

The message, as with many of your pieces is clearly spoken.

[LastMonth]

Thanks for stopping by S. Mi. Always appreciate your reviews.
I think these are the kind of stories I enjoy telling the most, you know?
Sometimes people almost 'Urge' me to let it all out. The dark, uneasy and 'Interesting' stuff I have packed in.

But somehow writing about critters, cheese and baffled snakes is a far more effective pressure valve.

I'm happy that you liked the line, I truely stand behind it.

[Shannon]

A fun, yet meaningful release valve. Not many people write fables anymore, and fewer still that aren't merely children's books.

[barleygirl]

I'm starting to sense a theme here in some of your postings. I have a soft spot for the little creatures, so I really enjoy your interesting little stories starring some of them as friends and foes. It seems your writing has a tendency to rhyme, but not always on a regular schedule. I enjoy the rhyming, when it does rhyme, but occasionally it feels like you choose a word to get the rhyme, instead of going for the best message. All in all, the tone is playful & sweet, as stories about little creatures are likely to be. Thanks for sharing.

[LastMonth]

Oh yes.
Definetly, about me having to choose words to rhyme.
I feel as though this is something I'll naturally improve in.
Make it flow better, Y'know? Heck, If I re-edited my stories now, I figure I'll 'fix' most of it.

Thanks for the review Barley!

[barleygirl]

I completely agree. It definitely takes much practice before rhythm & rhyme start coming more easily & naturally. I'm not a big fan of going back to rework something from the past. I encourage writers to just keep moving forward, becuz each new topic you pounce on will contain the passion to fuel your creativity (whereas editing kinda kills passion flow). Over the course of a life of writing, I've often rewritten the same story more than once & in very different ways. Much more satisfying than trying to rework some old hunk of refuse from our archives, dontcha think? (((HUGS)))

[LastMonth]

I agree completly Barley.

[AliciaB]

I love it! Very uplifting in the themes of bravery, companionship, forgiveness, and a willingness to sacrifice for others - in more ways than one. I also like the snake's reaction, for some reason. The fact that he is "distraught, confused and baffled" instead of, I don't know, angry, maybe, or murderous in intent, made me smile. The mouse's actions are so bizarre that the snake moves beyond the rage he might have normally felt because of such an attack and is just plain perplexed. The friendship that forms between the squirrel and the mouse is very sweet, and I love the final line. Hilarious. Thank you for this uplifting, happy story. Nice work!

[LastMonth]

Hahaha, Glad you liked it.
Yeah, I really like the atmosphere of this story.
And yeah, in Children's stories, Snakes would often be caught off guarded, rather then go on a murderous spree.

I mean, we can't just write sad, melancholic things all day, right?

[AliciaB]

Haha true! :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Hi. This story is very entertaining. As pointed out in a previous review, it could use some reformatting. Might I suggest breaking it into two styles -- the prose poem intermingled with the narration just needs more clear delineation without changing the story entirely. I might also suggest to watch repetition of words and try and use synonyms more. If you want to see some excellent work similar to your own style it would be Ana S. She has many fairy and fantasy stories that are written in rhyme.

[LastMonth]

Got it, I'll be visiting her soon.
Thanks for the constructive review, I keep telling myself I'll take one day off and review all my writing and fix it up.

Hopefully I'll do it sometimes soon!
Thanks a bunch friend!

[The Lazy Layman]

Very nice meter in your rhyming used here!

This reminds me of something like Watership Down or Secret of Nimh because of the personification of animals and it has kindness in it but danger as well. Nice!

[LastMonth]

Thanks kindly for the review!
And I like personification very much actually.
It's one of my favorite things in literature. Giving thoughts and emotions to items or animals.

[Woody]

I can't remember if I ever encountered such a style. rhyming prose. but I like it. I should try it some time.
funny little story with a moral. it could belong in a children's book.
another good one, LM.

[LastMonth]

Thank you. I always like writing about anything that isn't human. I'm not sure why, but I fancy giving emotions to objects and animals that usually aren't considered to have them.
Thanks for the review woody!

[Woody]

I'm with you. I've done it a few times.

[Gaia Octavia]

This is light and airy with interesting use of rhyme. I could see this being adapted into a children's book. I particularly liked the line "a share of nothing from nothing is as equal as it gets." Uniquely put and very true. Nice job.

[LastMonth]

Hahaha, yeah. I liked that line too.
Thanks alot for the review, getting input is always rewarding.