The Draw

Are you drifting way beyond what’s normal?
'Cause 'round your mind rings the words that they would say?
When you go home everything looks different,
And you're scared of being left behind.

Their laughter cut like knives.

This was the second time in one week someone joked and made a nasty comment about me.  

My Father wanted to make my brother and his friends laugh...

I would laugh too but as a girl who is trying so hard to pick herself back up...

I failed. It hurt.

My brother's laughter wasn't the laughter that is fun and boisterous.

It was the kind that was cold and cruel. The kind that can make you fall to your knees straight to the ground.

My brothers friends looked at me like they felt sorry for me...

I don't want that.

I just want to be left alone.

My father eventually apologized.

I love my Dad. I know he means well..

but if this keeps happening I really don't know how I'm going to look in the mirror without question if I look okay.

Tonight with a light heart I chirped about my Turkish friend Mustafa.

He hates it when I'm sad or upset.

We have a motto together:

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Being upset is too time consuming. I'd rather be happy...so I choose to be happy most of the time. :)

It felt like I was talking to a wall again.

More than anything I want someone to reply and carry on my conversation.

Instead they twisted our logic about being happy around and  shot Mustafa down.

Kathryn, Mustafa told me I should always be happy..like when a child dies.

Kathryn, Mustafa told me I should be happy at funerals.

Is he a stoner?

Mustafa Eldiven is a very kind person whom I love very much. I help him with English and he is one of the sweetest people.

They continued to mock him. (Thank God the poor guy is in Turkey and not at the dinner table)

I get criticized a lot....and usually if I try to talk about something, no one really replies. The subject is changed...so what's the point of saying anything anymore?

 

and people wonder why I am so quiet. LOL  

They ask why I like being by myself a lot.

I am an introvert and sometimes I think I got that characteristic from childhood.

When the new Harry Potter books came out my Mother read them to my brother and sister in my brother's bedroom. She locked his door. I wasn't allowed in.

"you wont understand these books Kathryn, go play."

I played by myself a lot.

There were days when I sat outside my Brother's bedroom door and listened to the stories.

I loved the stories...and I understood them for the most part.

The Draw is a song that is so raw and real.  

It's a song that I can fully understand.

 

I can feel the draw.

I can feel it pulling me back.

It's pulling me back...

It's pulling me...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO4I-iWZZuI