Why Cats Kill Rats

The mystery is finally solved!

Once long ago, in the age of rhymes
In quaint, old Jacobean times
Cats had a thing for medieval rats
It was quite a surreal habitat
 
One such kitty, so nice N so pretty
Loved a rat, swashbuckling N witty
He called her darling N sweetie
Was the apple of her eyes, so slitty
 
There love was the stuff of legends
The two were lovers N friends
Kissing in barns N oaken tree shades
Sunning in Tudor style colonnades
 
Now this rat was a lean mean lover
He schtupped the cat, over N over
He knew where to touch N to feel
Kitty was truly so head over heels
 
So goes the tale, now here is the twist
The cat ventured out one day, in the mist
The rat had some fun N games illicit
Cheating kitty with a girl on his list
 
So while miss cat was on a stroll
The lil romeo rat was on a roll
With stolen moments of foreplay
The cat was away, the mice did play
 
As the season was cold N snowy
Kitty drove back in a wee bit early
At her meow, they just ran for cover
Too late, she spied the rogue lovers
 
There he was, the bloody rat, the cur
Licking his lady love’s wet, slimy fur
Oblivious of the poor kitty's s sorrow
Humping his girl like no tomorrow
 
Seeing such shame N sleaze
The cat's blood did boil N freeze
She clawed the girlfriend out, with ease
The rat aghast, who moved his cheese?
 
Oh! You fuckster! Oh you swine!
I loved a rat, without a spine!
You tricked a heart so genuine
I’ll mince N cook your balls in brine

Screamed the cat at the sod, the rat
Smashing his balls with an iron bat
She tossed him out with fury N grace
The rat did howl N land on his face
 
For causing a cat such grief N dismay
For this buggery, you shall forever pay
I swear, you shall always be my prey
Till kingdom come, till very doomsday

So all you modern cat-fancying rats
Follow your hearts, do Google N chat
But remember there’s a caveat
Kitty is big boss N not the doormat
 

Author's Note

Disclaimer: I was never very good at history so I made most of it up 😹

Reviews

[angel]

Oh, dear God, Miss Kitty! I had no idea. Those cats must pass that story down with each generation./ The rivalry here has shown no cessation!/The trouble between cats and rats/ The rat was such an awful brat/The kitty should have squashed him flat!/ A messy, satisfying splat/Would put a jolly end to that!
Very entertaining read, Miss.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

My dear Angel,
This fight is well chronicled
The Rat was peppered N pickled
I’ve spared my readers, gory lines a few
The Cat did cook the Rat in a stew

Thank you for the delightful words 😹

[angel]

Oh, wondrous delight!
A ratty stew might
just hit the spot!
Oh, the smell, divinely wrought!

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Oh Good!
You’re warmly invited for a meal
Of ratty stew, rodent brew and veal
😹

[angel]

I thank you for your kind invitin'
I only hope that I won't frighten
Any other guests you've asked
To this, a meal o'er which you'ved tasked!
I think that it might upset 'em
Once they find that we have et 'em...
Goodnight, Miss. 3 am here

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

No worries
You’re me special guest
We’ll dig into the curries

Goodnight Angel 😽

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Meow-cth! The 'rat-bag' got his just deserts - for leaving old kitty in the lurch! Just loved it, my friend...:-)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Yes and I enjoyed dishing it out :) Thanks Phill.

[Robert Trakofler]

that dirty rat! I had no idea:( well serves them right...right? on a dish I mean:) I love this poem Dhara and my cat agrees with you, Maurice says rats are not to be trusted and best to be dispensed with

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I agreeeeee! I squashed its belly and took its ratty paste out. Say my hello to Maurice and ask him if we can go on a joint hunting expedition sometime. 😻

[barleygirl]

This is the best of yours that I've read so far! Bravo! This is a great swashbuckling fur-story! Your rhymes are sophisticated & well-crafted . . . your sassy attitude & somewhat-crude expressions & name-calling is done with the greatest of ease & hilarity! This is the kind of story I love to write myself, so now I'm a little jealous at how much you've passed me up in your creative storytelling in verse! I surely must be able to come up with something similarly brilliant as this! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you so much, my dear friend. ❤

[LazerRays]

Haha- this is different! I like the little tale behind it. A new angle at approaching cheaters. Only you can make cat poetry loveable :P
anyways, I did notice one mistake in here. You used there instead of their. There love was the stuff of legends should be their love was the stuff of legends. Minor mistake that doesn't really affect the niceness of the poem, jus thought you should know. One last thing, you are out to KILL now haha! Rat better run! Don't ever piss off a cat hahaha! Goodluck!

Nice poem ditzy, enjoy your lunch ;)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Rationalisation Rationalisation!! My dear Sarah! My mistress gives me everything yummy to appeal to my greedy little stomach from imported Kitty biscuits to caviar yet nothing appeases my tastes better than a wild, uncooked rat nailed in the bushes in our backyard. That taste is different, believe you me! It has power mixed in it! And since these days, my nocturnal killing stints are getting more frequent, I’ve been getting quite a bad name in the neighbourhood! Aha! So I made up this poem to rationalise some of my sins! Now you see it! Thank you for liking the story though! 😺

Love,
KittyKat

[LazerRays]

No problem Ditzy! I'm sure you've become the talk of the town! They probably fear you at night.... Hahaha!

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I want to be a star Sarah. But me claws keep getting in the way LOL. I’ll try to a good cat from tomorrow! 😹

[LazerRays]

Hahaha! Ok! Goodluck! :P

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Meow! I’ll tell you how it goes! 😹😹😹😹

[LazerRays]

Ok! I can't wait lol

[Samuel Dickens]

What a hoot! Not only is this a terrific story, but you've told it with head spinning great rhymes. Almost too many great lines to count, I especially like "Rat aghast, who moved his cheese?" and "I’ll mince N cook your balls in brine". You deserve much credit and praise for this entertaining work.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you very much for stopping by and with such delightful words of appreciation too!

[Neville]

This is one o them there poetry tale thingies that makes one chuckle over and over.. I love the history behind these words and must admit, I have learnt so very much about the relationship between cats and rats that I will probably write my next thesis on it.... dash it.. just noticed your disclaimer.. so is it true or not............penned purrfectly regardless... N

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you very much friend, for reading this loooong story of mine. It is inspired by all the heartache being endured by the lovely misses worldwide on all the cafe’s, chat forums and other such virtual hangouts on the Internet superhighways. Written in the utmost feline compassion, I hope it rings a bell with all those cool dudes out there 😉

[Neville]

if not already, it surely shall... my pleasure.. N

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you many times 😺

[Neville]

......... N :)

[Jibey]

This dreadful fable must have a moral... for us rats 😃

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I have a feeling, you were a brilliant student at school, dear Jibey 😹

[Jibey]

I've forgotten...😊

[Chris Shaw]

Love your tale of why cats kill rats. A lesson in feline fantasy, but oh with such a ring of truth about it. No doubt why kitty has such sharp claws as well. All the better to scratch you with. You write so well Ditzy, take a bow kitty. Entertaining stuff.

Chris

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Kitty slowly takes centre stage, bows humbly to the standing ovation. Thank you very much dear Chris, it made my day :)

[Paul Bell]

I had a cat called Trump who was always trying to hump.
One day he met a rat he mistook for a cat.
The rest is now history.
Drat, drat, drat a drat.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Hahaha

Those were the merry days of kill
Now the cat called Trump is over the hill
But the rat was cunning and shrill
So poor Trumpy was left paying the legal bills

Thanks Paul 😹