The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

A Poem by Richard
"

Free Verse

"
The River, the Clouds, and Us....
I found a place to sit in solitude,
hoping to hear
what the moment held.

I listened....
imagining stories the river could tell
of its journeys through canyons,
how it overcame every obstacle
life, time, and Nature had set before it,
either going over, around, or under it
to flow right here to be with me.

Somewhere along the way …
my focus changed
as I watched the gray clouds building,
bullying the white ones into submission,
their thunderous voices rising....
until it's clear who the victor would be.

I sat in rain for hours,
thinking about how much
you are like those clouds at times,
angry, petulant....
ready to dampen everything
at the slightest provocation;

then, there's me … I'm like the river,
soaking you in, feeding on you,
determined to face any challenge
to get back to the sea....

where summer sun will heat me,
and I’ll rise up into your arms
until you tire of me again,
letting me fall back to earth.... 
the way you always do.



Richard W. Jenkins
           ©
2016

© 2017 Richard



Author's Note

Richard
Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

My Review

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Featured Review

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, t.. read more



Reviews

A gift of beauty you share with us from a gifted poet with keen eyes and romantic significance. thank you for sharing, sir...:).............

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

It is my pleasure, Sami! : )
I thank you, as-well, My Friend, for your expressed enjoyment, .. read more
Sami Khalil

1 Year Ago

Same to you. You are welcome. .....:))))
A magical write. I was carried away in the reverie of staring out at the river and dreaming of a lover. "I watched the gray clouds building, bullying the white ones into submission" what a GREAT line this is! Often negativity in the world wins out over positivity....if only it would not. A love that hurts you time and again.....yet you need it in your life. I can identify! The words in this one flowed easily and so sweetly. Lydi**

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Hi, Lydi Sweet! : )
Such a beautiful way to start a July 4th Celebration Day, with one of you.. read more
Lydia

1 Year Ago

Happy 4th to you as well, Richard. Stay safe.
This metaphorical piece is commendable to a great degree. Simple words, but great style. I like the first stanza very much. "What the moment held"- a very nice style of stating the line.
The comparison you have made with the river and the cloud is pretty amazing. The flow is superb and the poem is lovable.
Also, "the black clouds cause the white clouds to submit" has so much imagery and the comparison made later on is fascinating. Excellent piece of poem. Keep writing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Thank you ever-so gratefully, Vatsal : )
To receive such, appreciative, inspiring, praising, .. read more
metaphorically and allegorically this is wonderful...

if we listen hard enough we can hear ourselves in the thunder of the sky and in the thunder of the raging rivers---
but there are also those moments, the whisper, the gurgling brooks...the sound of the rain, softly falling...like our own moods...and as elements of nature live together, we find this with significant others as well..

really well done, Richard.

j.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Thank you sincerely, Jacob! : )
You've gifted this early morning "4th of July" an encouraging.. read more
You clearly have a wonderful grasp of human nature. Your analogy, nature and human nature, is wonderful as well. It gives such immediacy of setting and adds dimension to the protagonist.
I love the way your voice remains conversational yet is also elevated to the literary.
I am awake in the dead of night, as is often the case. Tonight I am more than happy about it, as I have discovered two extremely gifted poets here. I will head back to bed with a grin and read more of your work in the morning.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Richard

1 Year Ago

Thank you most happily, Dear SF! : )
You've began my 4th of July Celebration with a genuinely.. read more
Exquisite write. This is really very beautiful

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Thank you ever-so warmly, Zahra!
The inspiration and encouragement from your praise and expre.. read more
Zahra

1 Year Ago

:) .......
beautiful write,loved the image

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

····⁓🍀⁓····
Richard

1 Year Ago

Thanks for the read, Ron, the compliment, and for loving the picture image(?), mental, emotional, sp.. read more
"Wispy dreamlike, drifting-off" very accurately describes this piece. The first stanza sets the tone and eases into the meat of the poem. Throughout the reading, I formed my own picture in my head of the scenes. The final stanza instilled in me both a feeling of comfort and melancholy, with the "rise up into your arms" having me conjure feelings of holding a loved one--very well done.

I could compare the emotions I had while reading this to be comparable to sitting on a raft in the summer; I found myself drifting in the words and letting them gently pull me along, being transfixed the whole time. It was like I wasn't reading the poem but was a part of it. "The River, the Clouds, and Us was obviously a great title.

I've never been particularly fond of love poems, but this was very well written, so I can look past my bias.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

My sincere and grateful thanks, Clifford! : )
Ya know?
It is a seemingly endless sour.. read more
I like this poem; it was, as your author's note would suggest "wispy" and "dreamlike." It was like I felt myself become more and more weary with each word, just relaxing letting the poem take its course. I like it when a poem creates that effect. Your fine choice in the visual presentation really helped to enhance the poem's mood too.

If I may critique, I felt like the "I listened" in the first line of the second stanza was unnecessary because you had already stated that you were "listening" in the first stanza. I would've written the first line as follows: ...imagining. I don't think that would be grammatically correct, but I think it would create the effect a lot better.

Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. Nice job.

-William Liston



Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Splendid review, William, as you are apt to gift … deep and articulate enough to be able to! : )<.. read more
William Liston

1 Year Ago

I liked the way you reworded it. I like how you used the purpose of my suggestion without actually u.. read more
Richard

1 Year Ago

You suggested "imagining", but it was already in the second verse, so we'd have been back where we s.. read more
Amazing use of words and thoughts Richard.
"then, there's me … I'm like the river,
soaking you in, feeding on you,
determined to face any challenge
to get back to the sea...."
I liked and I understood the above lines. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Nice passage you've singled-out, John … one of my favorites in this piece, too
How happy an.. read more
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You did very well and you are welcome.

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Added on June 29, 2016
Last Updated on June 5, 2017

Author

Richard
Richard

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From the darkness I come to darkness I return, my life but a spark in the night. "MY BLOGS" (click on Blog in the menu above).............................. 1) Reciting Vs Silent Reading 2) On Fre.. more..

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