The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

Free Verse

Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

[Richard🖌]

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, that you love anything about this piece and find it striking, is reward beyond any I could have expected.
I like the wording of your interpretation, too … "speaker", "calm anchor".

About the recent "rogue apostrophe" typos: It is like when one uses loose for lose, their for they're, sell for sale … you know we know better, but get into too big a hurry, concentrating on what we're into, to catch all the wee details, even when we go back through trying to, but not to worry, someone with a keen eye who cares will come along and lend a helping hand, like you always do thank you sincerely, KL! : )

You've left a nice, helpful, and gracious review … warmly appreciated! ⁓ Richard

[Michael G. Smith]

You are a storyteller craftsman. This piece took me slow heartfelt journey. I'm intrigued and will be back soon to partake of more your talent.

[Richard🖌]

Hi there, Michael! : )
It is an honor and pleasure to receive your welcome words of review in expressed connection and recognition of this "intriguing" and rather poignant piece and my skills … thank you most gratefully and sincerely, My New Friend.

And, a promise of your return; what more could a hopeful bard wish … blessings! ⁓ Richard

[emmajoy]

'where summer sun will heat me,
and I’ll rise up into your arms
until you tire of me again,
letting me fall back to earth....
the way you always do. '

How many people have tried to say those words, tried to admit the emotions they wrap around, I wonder..

We little human beings are but ants in a world of love, hate and... something indefinable . Of course to each his or her own choice! Consequently, love's differences, passion's moods are surely reflections of our surroudings. You become the the gentle flow, your lover its curving course.

You take so much care with your work, Richard: display just so, punctuation dotted and dashed.. and then, there are the words set to your own music. Think this is a poem to return to, as much as a lesson as ...

[Richard🖌]

Hello, sweet, colorful little bird with everything! ; )
I dearly adore your review, Em … I just wish the site would notify me of "every" review I get, as I always want you to know right away how amazing I think your takes on my little efforts are and the deeply appreciative way they have of touching those rare and rewarding places in the voice only yours can sing.
Such a beautiful interpretation you've gifted this one, loneliness seems so unimportant all of the sudden … smiles 'n hugs of warmest thanks, Dear Em! ⁓ Richard : )

[emmajoy]

For me reviews are a thank you for the pleasure of reading someone's WORK. And, if only a few words are left that are merely polite, then the thank you means next to nothing. However easy it might be for some folk to write with elegance, intelligence or passion, whatever, for far more there are trials, stress, tears and frustration. One should consider all those emotions when reviewing. It doesn't take that much longer to add ten or fifteen more words. 'Enjoyed that', 'keep writing', 'nice one, etc. means next to nothing.

OK, will now slide off my soap box but repeat, you wonderful poem is as much a lesson as.. :)

[emmajoy]

Think I'll wear this avatar for a while, it suits my sunshine mood. It was created by a superb illustrator called Quentin Blake.. maybe look at his site, plus, see more of his images!

[V]

I think "drifting-off mood" fits very well. I don't know why you chose this format, it was interesting to read yet also a tiny bit difficult to stay with the flow I found once but here & there lost a little.. Other than that, the images of nature and your choice of words for this one as good as in the other pieces I read by you. You'd definitely alternate between the different poetry styles, it's refreshing to read and you're talented at expressing yourself differently yet nicely.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Vanessa!
To receive such accolades and understanding, from such an accomplished artist as yourself, is high and inspiring praise, indeed … how very happy you've made me feel! : )
I agree with you on the vagueness in clarity of this one … in every one of my poems I think something lacks, and all I can do is apologize for my failed efforts, and promise (of course) to try and do better.
Is there anything in particular you feel would help me make this a better piece, M'Dear(?), as I tend lose sight of the quality in my own work.
On variety of poetry … it is my contention that a master poet should be able to compose equally well in any form, as there is a proper form befitting every mood, moment, feeling, emotion, etc; just as there is a perfect note, melody, tempo, rhythm, etc; to express in music.

Here I go again, talking your eyes off; it seems you inspire me … thank you ever-so warmly, Vanessa! ⁓ Richard

[V]

I don't think you lack talent or ability in expressing yourself, it was rather the lay out that made my reading flow stumble a little...
But I know what you mean regarding finding the perfect note..I'm a perfectionist, especially with writing...but not too bad.. but one as the author always lacks the neutrality to view your piece in a more objective way. And one tends to criticize themselves overly.. It's a good piece, I'm sorry I cannot give you suggestions on how to improve it..

[Richard🖌]

You sure have a fine mind and attitude, Vanessa, and it is very encouraging to know you feel this piece can be improved, Dear Poetess … thank you warmly and sincerely.
I'll play around with it a bit, and might ask for your keen input again.

[V]

Ok. I wish you success with that.

[Richard🖌]

Thanks, Vanessa … I messed around with it a bit.
If you'd like and have a chance, I'd enjoy any comments you might wanna share, but no obligation, eh?

[V]

I can see that... It's interesting now lol but honestly way too challenging to read. Ever thought about a boring and philistine structure just to give your words more space to strike?

[Richard🖌]

Ha-hah!
I guess I'm just too complicated in my written thoughts, feelings, and emotions to express the simple bard I know I really am — it just appears to be unsalvageable. :'/
You're a good sport to try and help me, Vanessa … your attention makes me feel so proud and special.

Thank you ever-so warmly and gratefully, Dear Poetess … hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[V]

Thank you and you're welcome.

[wander girl]

Beautiful thought and execution.
this piece puts us in a thought....
Claps are inevitable for this

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Poetess! : )
Iam ever-so grateful for your effulgently lovely review to this rather metaphorical piece rendered by from my olde, worn pen.

Hugs and many blessings of warmest gratitude to thee! ⁓ Richard

[wander girl]

You're such an inspiration for young poets like me. Keep writing and I am obliged by your words. Hugs!!!!:)

[ReedWrite]

This is lovely, Richard.
Beautiful. It flows with a gentle melancholy all its own...a wistful longing.
I love this stanza:
I watched the gray clouds building,
bullying the white ones into submission,
their thunderous voices rising....
until it was clear who the victor would be.

Just beautiful.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Pam!
I am so happy you came across this unusually metaphorical little number, finding such favor on it lines and verses.
The part you've singled is amongst my favorites, too … I considerate it the axis of this work.

You're beautiful, too … warmest thank you hugs! ~ Richard : )

[Primula Goldworthy]

This was really nice. The note you wrote about a dreamlike, drifting-off mood is something I can relate to. Love the poem.

[Richard🖌]

Well, thank you, Ma'am!
It is my joy to please you and my reward to receive your inspiring words of appreciation, praise and enjoyably imaginative rapport.

Warming smiles 'n hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[Jade]

this is pretty darn good, enjoyed this write

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Kelcee! : )
Thank you, Dear Lady-Poet, for visiting my pages and for finding favor in and enjoying this humble little Free Verse piece to longing.

Smiles 'n happy hugs for your day! ⁓ Richard

[Jade]

thanx, have you a good day

[Richard🖌]

You, too, Kelcee! : )

[Susan 🦋]

Well,probably not one I should have read today when already feeling down..cause once again your writing is speaking to me. So many things I can relate to...but rather not mention on a public forum. But that emotional pull..is exhausting and painful. perfectly expressed in this piece.

[Richard🖌]

Aw, don't give-up, Susan!
We both know life can often a way of evening out, if we can be patient enough to allow it to.
Actually, I think this is the perfect one for you, as it pushes the buttons that make you think and feel something deep within, eh?
There is always private messaging … one thing I like about this site.

Thank you ever-so warmly for such an honest review … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[Brianna Brie]

Nature is so poetic in its own right. The imagery is splendid in this poem. Combining the river and the clouds as a representation of relational interactions is unique. Your words inspire me.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you warmly, Brianna! : )

T'would seem we've again connected in deeply meaningful ways, as garnered by virtue of your keen familiarity with the more esoteric nuances of this rather abstract piece in metaphoric rise … few (if any) grasp me as you seem to.

"Tis you inspiring me! ⁓ Richard

[Valentine]

Nice way to do comparisons, when I look at the sky, its changing colors and beauty I see God's canvas laid out for all of us to see. Valentine

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Dear Kathie! : )
Thank you so very much for the nice compliment, and for sharing your lovely thoughts and depths of insight.

Warmest ugs 'n blessings to you! ⁓ Richard