O, Dark Master

The best part of waking up...

I was only fifteen

In the beginning

My longing was deep; 

I thought I was sinning

Back then I thought

You needed much more

I'd add heavy cream

And sugar galore

Now stepping up 

To the coffee bar

I see you are perfect

Just as you are

Reaching for you

My heart just beats faster

For you, my caffeinated,

Dark-roasted master

Reviews

[Clockwork]

It's been a similar journey for me, but I haven't gotten rid of all of the sugar yet. I really love the rhythm and the phrasing of the last two lines in this one, and the overall journey to take the coffee black. This one made me smile. Now I want to go have a cup of a good dark roast.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Christian. I gave up coffee completely for about a year, and when I went back to it, I just didn't want the sugar and cream anymore.

[LawrenceRaybon]

This is a great poem. I love the darkish undertones you've created with such a humorous piece with references to sinning and dark master.

The only thing that bothered me a little was the meter. The first stanza has a nice mirrored 6556 syllable meter. The second stanza goes to 4555 which works but isn't quite as nice and the last two stanzas seem to be more about the phrasing than the meter and it makes them feel a little wonky when read aloud. It's not a big thing and I liked the poem regardless but it's something you may wish to look at!

All in all a nice poem that I will be sharing with my wife (who works at Starbucks).

TTFN,
Lawrence

***Standard Disclaimer: These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

[Rita L. Sev]

I am chuckling a bit at your disclaimer - please feel free to comment honestly on any of my work! :) I agree about the meter - I tend to fuss over phrasing, as you aptly deduced, and sometimes it messes with the rhythm of a piece. I will have to revisit this poem to see if I can fix that... Thank you so much, Lawrence! (Hope your wife enjoyed this bit of silliness!)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

That is awesome… it is funny how our parents try to keep us from drinking coffee by saying things like it will stunt your growth. We drink soda and hot chocolate so what is wrong with coffee. I am like you, I use to use a lot of sugar and creamer, now I am just down to flavored creamer. I bow my head to that dark master.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Dale - sorry for the delay, I am not getting all my comments shown for some reason lately... I worked at a Dunkin' Donuts through high school, and that was the beginning... :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I am brewing a cup now so I will be bowing to the master soon. I would love to work at Starbucks.

[Daffy]

wonderful. Such memories, that's where we went, and the bikers came. Coffee flowed and harmless jukebox struck out, and for sixpence I could hear my music and for about the same I could have a coffee. Oops there goes my days spending. Careful though, as, like the music, the coffee is very 'more-ish'!

[Rita L. Sev]

:) Thanks for this review, Daffy - a trip down Memory Lane goes well with a cup of java!

[RJ]

AMEN! Another black coffee drinker. Here's to taking something as simple as this delicious drink and allowing us to wax philosophic over the way we approach it.

[Rita L. Sev]

You'll see that I tend to wax philosophic on just about everything - Poetry is everywhere, and everything can be funny! Thanks, Ryan!

[Abdul Alsaaidi]

Poetry is amazing, it can reformulate any topic very interesting including drinking coffee! I enjoyed it.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Abdul! I tell my students that poetry can be about ANYTHING - then I have them proove that by writing odes to very mundane things... :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Haha mine too.But I never needed it any way but black.I loved this Rita .An absolutely perfect pen on our addiction :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Vidya! :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[Pól]

If thats ur worst vice you have nothing to worry about. Good write

[Rita L. Sev]

Well, the worst one that I'll make known... ;) Thanks, Paulo!

[Pól]

Lol
...........

[Damien Thibodeaux]

I love this, Rita. It reminds me of my relationship with my favorite drink. I started when I was 5. "The thought I was sinning'. Yes, I always felt I was getting away with somthing when partaking in what was considered an adult drink. Took it with a little cream then, but have been drinking it black since I was about 12; never used sugar.

I've been away, but coming back soon. You are one of the reasons I enjoyed WC. I miss reading your poems!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks so much, Damien! I miss reading your work, and your insights. As for the coffee, my students are appalled when they discover that I take it black with no sugar! :)