Assault Similes

I’m sure that no one’s told you,

but you really ought to know ~

you’re as warm and as appealing

as the yellowest of snow;

your ignorance surpasses

cell phones ringing at a wake;

your conversation hearkens back

to Eve’s chat with the snake;

whenever someone asks

if you possess rapier wit,

I say that you’re as sharp

as a banana in a split;

your traits are as attractive

as old Granny Gert undressed;

a comb for Mr. Clean would best describe your usefulness ;

your personality is like

a worn out hockey puck;

it’s time for you to know the truth ~

you grade A, top notch schmuck.

Author's Note

Still thinking...

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

your personality is like
a worn out hockey puck;
it’s time for you to know the truth ~
you grade A, top notch schmuck.

Funny stuff … excellent and original simile work.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Pryde... I love a quirky simile! :)

[Lydia Shutter]

OMG....I am hysterical even as I duck from the wallop this one punches! Telling someone off this way ROCKS....you shot several holes in the ego of a blowhard for sure. Loved this hilarious romp....great rhyming. Lydi**

[Rita L. Sev]

Ha! Thanks, Lydi! No need for YOU to duck - LOL!

[kublakhan27]

Haha This is just what I needed today...deliciously witty with some neat metaphors...nicely done Rita :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Glad you liked this, Steve! :)

[Angi]

I do believe you just cussed someone out, Rita-style! Ha! Who is this top notch schmuck, I wonder?! You still make me smile, missy! I hope you are well. I have missed you!

xoxo,
Angi~

[Rita L. Sev]

So good to see you, Angi! Always glad to give a smile :)

[Marie]

I don't know anyone like this, and I'm glad...

[Rita L. Sev]

You are certainly in the lucky minority, Marie!

[The Nude Writer]

ANY TIME YOU CAN USE "SCHMUCK" IT IS A WINNER ;)

I love this. What a great tribute to bad rubbish! :) The rhymes were so perfect and well thought out :) yay!

[Rita L. Sev]

Yes, it's a great word, so much fun to say! :) Thanks so much, Sophie!

[Angel]

OUCH!!
Well, I guess you told HIM...
Or her...
or......

[Rita L. Sev]

Ha! There are a few people that I could send this to - anonymously, of course! Thanks, Angel!

[Angel]

of course....
uh...anyone I know????

[Jack...]

Okay, I can take a hint.......

Rita, not something I would expect out of you, but you have said it so wonderfully loud and poetic. Nice one my friend.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thanks, Jack - a challenge from Frieda led to this. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my!! we're not in Kansas anymore ..are we!?! :) would not like to be your inspiration for this Rita ... assuming i am not it is a grand chuckle to go with my morning coffee ..thanks for sharing
E

[Rita L. Sev]

Lol! No, of course its not you, E! Thanks for reading - glad to give a morning chuckle!

[Sami Khalil]

Thank you for the smiles and giggles. I need it...You are awesome...:).................

[Rita L. Sev]

Anytime, Sami! :) Thank YOU!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)...................