The Storm

I can’t handle this anymore

I can’t keep living my life like this

No one is around like always

I am alone in this house I hate

 

The rain is pounding against the windows

Trees are snapping in half all over

The sky is a black blanket covering every inch

Lighting and thunder start a war

 

I was trapped and needed a way out

One thought ran through my mind time after time

I sat on the bathroom floor tears streaming down

There is no one to turn to for help

 

I was invisible to everyone around me

Blood fell for my body no end insight

I watched the blood and tears intertwine

It didn’t stop more from falling

 

I ran out the bathroom and down the stairs

I rushed out of the house

I started to run down the empty road

The world around is quiet and still

 

I ran as fast as I could nothing there to stop me

No one is here to keep me safe

No one is around to protect me for me

I was alone in a world filled with people

 

The rain starts falling harder and harder

It slammed against my fragile body

The storm is trying to stop me from moving

I pushed myself more but it only made me weaker

 

 

 

 

I knew what I wanted was only a little bit further

The energy was draining from me quicker each step

I stopped to gather all the energy I had left in me

I ran faster than I ever had in my life

 

The thing I wanted the most was in front of me now

It is the only way out of this trap

The waves crashed over the wall

The storm was getting worse and I didn’t care

 

The blood was still flowing down from my body

I jumped onto the wall and watched the waves

It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen

It was so thrilling and exhilarating to watch

 

The tears continued to slip from my brown eyes

This is my way to freedom and a new beginning

I looked around at everything one last time

I took my last breath and jumped

Reviews

[The Cougar's Den]

Very powerful, and full of emotion - you pull the reader in and make us watch you from the sidelines....nicely done!

[Crow]

Very well written, conveying your inner feelings nicely. I love the insight offered to the reader as to what fears and needs youth holds.

[Coyote Poetry]

Your story is so powerful. You write with a experience pen. You brought me into the story and the loneliness. I could see the ocean and feel her pain. The ending was too sad. There will be no peace in death. I hope you keep writing. I love the use of language and your stories. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

There is a lot of emotion here. You do a very nice job of displaying that outward and openly. My advice to you would be to stay with concrete examples versus abstract ones. For example, your line "the sky is a black blanket covering every inch," was a very showing and captivating image that gives the reader a lot to hold on to. in contrast, the line "I was trapped and needed a way out," only tells the reader your emotion and doesn't give them the image but instead infects them with the notion of your feelings, rendering the reader incapable of achieving the emotion you are looking for. I'm not saying narration is bad, because it can be very useful in many ways, but sometimes it can be too much. Thanks.

[Immortal1967]

raw emotion and desperation...great job!

[kuru]

this is powerful and with great imagery, i was into it...great write!

[Bridget Mcmaken]

this is a amazing poem. You write with amazing power in your words. I'm sorry that you had to feel this way. I love your work though, keep it up!

[al25]

Your poem is really good. I'm sorry you feel this way. There is something about the way you write its so emotional and real. I wish you the best. :)