The Race

The Race

A Poem by Einstein Noodle

Fur nesting 
Pink nosed and long whiskered 
Rats

Wanted to  race


so challenged the Rabbits who
sanctified winning who

challenged the Turtles whose
taloned jaws kept snapping
severing all the stretching necks could 
reach 
lead leggedly paced
lumbering voracious beaks


none could draw up to the line
starting gun shot many times

confusion was racy sublime
everyone started ....behind

feel me
hear me
see them
racing.

11/02/2017
E.

© 2017 Einstein Noodle



Author's Note

Einstein Noodle

My Review

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Featured Review

Great job Big E!

Loved the "left" and "right" spacing, nearly like a screen play, giving voices to different parts....

the line "feel me" did somehow break the flow from a genre point of view...the type of language use in the poem, i.e. "sanctified winning" and "lumbering voracious beaks" suggests a polished style. The term "feel me" seems a bit too casual to fit into the rest of the poem.....

A pleasure to read, nonetheless!
:)

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

2 Weeks Ago

good morning Sleepless ..great to see you ...thank you for such a thoughtful read ..i will take your.. read more
Einstein Noodle

1 Week Ago

hey buddy! i changed it ..what do you think ... :)



Reviews

I feel an animation coming on. Remarkable.

Posted 19 Hours Ago


Oh you clever, clever man!!!
I love how aesthetic and fresh and experimental this is!! Honestly, I find it difficult to try such experimental poems...but you have done it quite well...the rabbits, the turtles and rats made me remember Alice participating in the race suggested by Dodo... I know the race you mean is not as cheery as that one... your poem is casual and adventurous, and does not try to preach its lessons too much, which makes it a very interesting read.
"confusion was racy sublime everyone started ....behind" are my favourite lines ...

Posted 3 Days Ago


Einstein Noodle

2 Days Ago

ahahaha those are my favorite lines too...i feel pretty gratified you mention them ...and of Alice a.. read more
'see me, feel me, touch me"
the race wizard...lumbering through life at the right pace will not only get us to the finish line...but probably with our shell intact...
rats and rabbits multiply, divide, add and then subtract and end up getting there pretty late---not enough thinking along the way...just instinct.
love this journey and the way it is presented on the page.

j.

Posted 5 Days Ago


Einstein Noodle

4 Days Ago

love your visits always jacob...thank you for taking time and your perceptive review ... its a jungl.. read more
EE Cummings/ with his reasonable assumptions that spacing, when done right or proper, is how love works. It's the performance become manifest; the rifle held vertically at "present arms". Yet, the coolest observation at the end. By love I mean
the premonition, the feeling that something real is about to happen.
I woke up to men grouping women, while other men denied it ever happened. Poet's don't deny s**t./ great poem/ dana

Posted 6 Days Ago


Einstein Noodle

6 Days Ago

love your take on this Dana! i am humbled and gratified at the same time by your remarks ... thank y.. read more
Cleverly contrived, words displayed to add to the confusion and intent of your words. Reading a second time i'm wondering if you mean me to see and feel the ever competitive rat-race of our crazy world!?

Posted 6 Days Ago


Einstein Noodle

6 Days Ago

thank you for taking the time to read again, emma ... and for your encouraging review ... i think th.. read more
emmajoy

6 Days Ago

Oh aren't I the clever one!!! :) Reading again... such a clever way of expressing thoughts... trul.. read more
And they're off to a fine start, left & right lanes zig zag down the field & quite necessarily so to make head n tail out of the whole event, just watchem go & enjoy...........Nicely done & well writ & the winner is....

Posted 1 Week Ago


Einstein Noodle

6 Days Ago

:)))))))))))) that you got into the swing of things brings me a fine chuckle ... thank you for revie.. read more
Neville Pettitt

6 Days Ago

Likewise. E...........N
The confusion is comical, as it always is in the mindless rat race. What they set out to achieve almost never gets achieved and in the process they lose so much. I appreciate the different format a lot. The characterization of the rabbits and rats is just superb! Enjoyed so much!

Posted 1 Week Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Week Ago

thanks DIVYA! love love love your review ...makes me feel good ;) and inspired too!
E.
one could draw up to the line
starting gun shot many times

confusion was racy sublime
everyone started ....behind

Magical lines as always. Absolutely loved it.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Einstein Noodle

2 Weeks Ago

thanks Z ... feel very gratified that you do .. :))))
E.
Great job Big E!

Loved the "left" and "right" spacing, nearly like a screen play, giving voices to different parts....

the line "feel me" did somehow break the flow from a genre point of view...the type of language use in the poem, i.e. "sanctified winning" and "lumbering voracious beaks" suggests a polished style. The term "feel me" seems a bit too casual to fit into the rest of the poem.....

A pleasure to read, nonetheless!
:)

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

2 Weeks Ago

good morning Sleepless ..great to see you ...thank you for such a thoughtful read ..i will take your.. read more
Einstein Noodle

1 Week Ago

hey buddy! i changed it ..what do you think ... :)

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Added on November 3, 2017
Last Updated on November 4, 2017

Author

Einstein Noodle
Einstein Noodle

Pork Rind, AK



About
an old man staving off Alzheimer's by improving my vocabulary. i suck at cross word puzzles. "He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights .. more..

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