The Race

The Race

A Poem by Einstein Noodle

Fur nesting 
Pink nosed and long whiskered 
Rats

Wanted to  race


so challenged the Rabbits who
sanctified winning who

challenged the Turtles whose
taloned jaws kept snapping
severing all the stretching necks could 
reach 
lead leggedly paced
lumbering voracious beaks


none could draw up to the line
starting gun shot many times

confusion was racy sublime
everyone started ....behind

feel me
hear me
see them
racing.

11/02/2017
E.

© 2017 Einstein Noodle



Author's Note

Einstein Noodle

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Great job Big E!

Loved the "left" and "right" spacing, nearly like a screen play, giving voices to different parts....

the line "feel me" did somehow break the flow from a genre point of view...the type of language use in the poem, i.e. "sanctified winning" and "lumbering voracious beaks" suggests a polished style. The term "feel me" seems a bit too casual to fit into the rest of the poem.....

A pleasure to read, nonetheless!
:)

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

good morning Sleepless ..great to see you ...thank you for such a thoughtful read ..i will take your.. read more
Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

hey buddy! i changed it ..what do you think ... :)



Reviews

Been reading some of your recent poems, Einstein, but unlike your other friends, I don't have anything wise to comment on each of them. I have always been a fan of your poetry though. That's something. And I do hope someday I'd be as creative as you when it comes to experimenting with forms and style. I have a lot of work to do to get there.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

you make me blush dear Blue! your encouragement is plenty says i! this is pretty open as to interpre.. read more
I understand this as the human rat race. The snapping severing, seems cut throat. The ending feels like a plea to stop for a moment and see the real person behind this rat race we live through. Loved it E. Cheers!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

4 Months Ago

thank you again Karen for your thoughtful reading and review ... yes ..a plea for sure :( we can do .. read more
All the varied creatures in the rat race...the rabbits thinking they're so fast...the turtles holding on until it thunders...and the rat pack...keeping up the cool end of things like Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. I enjoyed.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Months Ago

ahahaha love the rat pack .... bunch of hoods weren't they?! ;)) thanks for reviewing Fabian... much.. read more
Hey E !!

You know on the Chinese calendar I am a RAT - I always disliked being a rat until my boys pointed out that the rat, with her cunning, always wins the race. And funnily enough, plus or minus the cunning, that's how I view life - as always winning. Why? Because the needs are simple the desires still there but slowly evaporating - must be learning something as I go eh? It's a journey.

Your poem, I like it. It is clever. The former works.

I see someone commented on the political agenda - I can't comment there as well I have no political agenda on my mind just now.

I do however think of this so called 'rat race' that we are in becoming more complex with the populating rising. Subcultures popping up each second confusing matters even more. Everyone striving to be ME. SELF, I - where what this planet needs is for the rats, turtles, lions and other beasts to turn the cycle anti clockwise and go back - way back when - we only took what was needed.

I see that in the impoverished communities - they only take what they need - living the simpler life. Us westerners - man the greed is think a and rife.

Well, I guess your poem got me thinking E.

For that I thank you X

Posted 5 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Months Ago

i hope it hasn't spoiled your vacation luv .. ;) i wonder tho... in the simple life if the tribe wou.. read more
A vicious race indeed in this political arena and a powerful outpouring of raw emotions and injuries. You use satire to convey the truthful message. You are astute poet.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Months Ago

oh my goodnes sir...thank you so much for reading and your very encouraging review...satire is somet.. read more
Sami Khalil

5 Months Ago

You are exceedingly welcome.
And the thing is, E, the winner of the rat race is still a rat! Very politically up to the second write here. I enjoyed it. You are a clever one! Lydi**

Posted 5 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Months Ago

yes Lydia; spot on! rats all around i am so sorry to agree :( too much money and too much power ... .. read more
So clever, yes I hear and feel you E.! Great unique split form, flow, cadence, rhyme and theme. I think Aesop would smile at this fable! But wait- I think it’s true! Important, relevant poetic political satire. Love this!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Months Ago

you do feel me don't you Ms Higley :))) so glad you read and left your review ... the meat of our le.. read more
Annette Pisano-Higley

5 Months Ago

:)))))))))!
I'm afraid I cannot escape the political implications of your competitive scramble here . . . I guess it's all a rat race in the end! I love your ending most of all with it's tart contrast *smile* Fondly, Margie

Posted 6 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

political implications intended dear barleygirl .. thank you for reading with an astute, critical ey.. read more
barleygirl

5 Months Ago

You crack me up! Love the "dog-bed" share! I always try to come up with some delectable treats for m.. read more
Einstein Noodle

5 Months Ago

love :) ............ peace ......... joy ...
Okay who won? Nice work here Einstein somewhat animal farm meets pinball wizard in the final stanza.. very nice indeed.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

good question Andrew! ... love your animal farm/pinball analogy .. great stuff ..glad you enjoyed ... read more
I revisited this again this morning over dollar store coffee and salted butter...In other words, abscised from normality........and it's still the poem of the year..../dana

Posted 6 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

ooooooooo salted butter! you rebel you! ;) what a wonderful compliment that you stopped and read aga.. read more

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

619 Views
19 Reviews
Rating
Added on November 3, 2017
Last Updated on November 4, 2017

Author

Einstein Noodle
Einstein Noodle

Pork Rind, AK



About
an old man staving off Alzheimer's by improving my vocabulary. i suck at cross word puzzles. "He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights .. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..