Chapter One: "Lithuaia"

Chapter One: "Lithuaia"

A Chapter by J.L Kidd Jr.

[Chapter 1] “Lithuaia”

T

here stood once a beautiful land, such beauty cannot be found in our world today. This land was filled with different types of plants, animals, as well as human like beings that roamed the earth, both big and small. Such as the Ice Giants of the North, that lived deep in the Glomitorian Mountain Range, which stretched on for miles and miles without let up. In the lowlands there lived the Humans, or you could refer to them as us really. Farmers, Artisans, Blacksmiths, Warriors and Adventurers also Merchants lived in the lowland human villages. In this time humans were very tranquil beings, wouldn’t hurt a fly they would say. They openly welcomed all who came to them seeking shelter, goods, or just looking for a good time. In the hills lived the Orian Band, a group of thrill seekers that often made settlements in the hills, but, driven by adventure, they would move to unexplored terrain to see what they could find. They weren’t the only beings taking up refuge in the hills, Sloamaic People, who looked like the mythological hobbit people. They carved out houses for themselves in the hillsides, as well as entire mining and farming communities all under a few hills. Beyond that was the border between mountains, hills, and deserts, laid the Great Plains. Which were fertile spreads of land in which the Miticeezian civilization had been founded. They were, actually are a powerful nation that expanded its territory across the Great Plains which they preserved for Miticeezians only.

Not too far from that was the coast of Lithuaia, which was home to over 30 civilizations in less than a decade. The Seadwokeles or “Sea Dwellers” were amongst the first to establish a nation on the beaches of the coast. The Seadwokeles are the reason that the Miticeezians even exist, they are their ancestors. Like the old saying goes ‘Like Father like Son’ that was the resemblance and connection that the two shared. Everything that the Miticeezians have is a result of the Seadwokeles. Hence their name Miticeez or “Mighty City” they were valiant warriors who’s standing in life was determined by their dignity and respect for their elders and superiors. Now, we shall begin our tale of Miticeez, which is the focal point of this entire tale of events. Our main characters live in the Miticeezian province of Fletchingburg. Fletchingburg was among the newest of Miticeezian provinces, the oldest being Odesta. It was a heavy farming community; it also put emphasis on education and the respect of those in an elevated position. The children in Fletchingburg were two thirds of the population, which numbered in all passed six thousand. Though there were a lot of children, all of them were very hard working; and were very respectable young men and women. The province consisted of a civil center, province square, shops and services area, housing, then farming areas. The separation of everything wasn’t really a problem for most, others such as farmers, didn’t like having to lug all of their equipment to the fields and orchards. Then have to haul of the produce back to the province square or civil center to sell it. Their complaints didn’t affect their work ethic or love for their community. Inside the province secondary walls, in the very center, was the royal family assigned to rule over the Fletchingburg province.

The Vain and Eden families were the presiding overseers of the province and under their rule the province thrived and was producing so much produce and products that it attracted more customers than that of the Miticeez City. Monte and Cleonetra Vain had been officials in the High Court in Miticeez City, then the two married and within a 2 year period Cleo bore two sons the eldest, Shaknu meaning, “Lost Warrior” he got this name because it was said his near death experience before birth rendered him motionless for a few days before his birth. When he was five years old he was attacked by a giant winged creature that left a five toe claw mark down the length of his back, ever since that experience Shaknu has been plagued with dreams of an eminent destruction of his loved ones and the city he loved dearly. He now 19 years old he knows what attacked him. Two years later, Shaknu’s brother Justice was born; his birth name was Falushnahi meaning “The One born with open eyes”. Z’loafa’had and Runea Eden worked alongside Monte and Cleo in Miticeez City. After they got married, they in the same year in which Shaknu was born, their first son Oli’ was born meaning “Wise one”. Less than a year later, Runea bore their second son, Ja’Quil meaning “Jade eyed”. All four of the boys grew up in the same palace, shared the same bedroom, and shared everything they had with one another. The oldest of them all, Shaknu was the tallest and strongest of them all, he like his father had a very muscular build which stays with him to this day. Shaknu was tall, dark, and was considered a handsome young man. Unlike others with his gifts, Shaknu didn’t use his good looks and build to manipulate women. Instead, he used it to please his parents and make his associates feel better about themselves. Next in line was the youngest, Justice who was stronger than both Oli’ and Ja’Quil who were older than him. Justice is said to be “second only to his brother” he also inherited the unearthly masculinity of his father Monte. Justice was just a little smarter than Shaknu; Justice was miles better than Shaknu with math and often helped him get his math homework done.

Oli’ and Ja’Quil look relatively identical except Ja’Quil’s eyes were a bright jade green; Oli’s eyes were just blue like his mother. Oli’ spent over half the day to the Hall of Records which contained thousands of books and records of Miticeezian history. Ja’Quil was an outdoorsman and often went hunting with Shaknu and Justice. The boys knew that there was a world outside of the city walls and often talked about the world beyond the Desert of Memories to the Southwest and Forest of Shadows also in the Southwestern tip of Lithuaia. From an early age, they began exploring the areas around the palace. They even planned on leaving soon, and exploring the big world. They also knew it was dangerous on account of the thin strand of tolerance between the Amberites who dwelled in the east and the absolute lack of tolerance between Miticeez and the Four Tribes who owned all of the forests around Fletchingburg. Still the boys wanted to go out and explore, and if possible establish new Miticeez provinces of which they could rule. Life for them seemed to just flow on a never ending river of luxury and wellbeing. All of this was possible because the Sword of Legends was still safe, deep within the walls of Miticeez City. But they, like everyone else, blinded by luxuries of Fletchingburg, were heading towards a steep and deadly waterfall.


 



© 2013 J.L Kidd Jr.


Author's Note

J.L Kidd Jr.
Please review, and look out for the next chapter
*NOTE* The names in the story could be VERY difficult to pronounce. If there are any questions contact me please. :)
Thanks enjoy!

My Review

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I think you definitely have an interesting world created here though it seems to be mainly exposition and no action. I would suggest (and of course it's just my opinion) to have some kind of action string the exposition together. For example, say there's a storm approaching (now this is just an example not a suggestion), the storm (or dark clouds and rumble of thunder) can move from one part of this world to the other. The different beings come out of their homes to see what is going on. "Ice Giants of the North came out of their caves deep in the Glomitorian Mountain Range. The humans in the lowlands also heard the rumble in the sky. The villagers were carrying on with their daily chores when they stopped to look up at the sky. The blacksmiths came out of their workshops, the farmers stopped tilling the fields..." Hopefully you get the point. This can also be foreshadowing depending on your story.

Also remember show don't tell. The first few lines are very generic. You're telling us it's beautiful, not showing us. Don't tell us it's beautiful, describe it to us so we as readers see that it is beautiful. What do the trees look like? What do the mountains look like?

All in all I think you've got a great basis for a good story. My main advice is to be active in your writing and show don't tell.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J.L Kidd Jr.

6 Years Ago

Thanks so much!
:D



Reviews

I like how detailed the narration is.
Its smooth and descriptive giving me a clear image.
Well done :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


I think you definitely have an interesting world created here though it seems to be mainly exposition and no action. I would suggest (and of course it's just my opinion) to have some kind of action string the exposition together. For example, say there's a storm approaching (now this is just an example not a suggestion), the storm (or dark clouds and rumble of thunder) can move from one part of this world to the other. The different beings come out of their homes to see what is going on. "Ice Giants of the North came out of their caves deep in the Glomitorian Mountain Range. The humans in the lowlands also heard the rumble in the sky. The villagers were carrying on with their daily chores when they stopped to look up at the sky. The blacksmiths came out of their workshops, the farmers stopped tilling the fields..." Hopefully you get the point. This can also be foreshadowing depending on your story.

Also remember show don't tell. The first few lines are very generic. You're telling us it's beautiful, not showing us. Don't tell us it's beautiful, describe it to us so we as readers see that it is beautiful. What do the trees look like? What do the mountains look like?

All in all I think you've got a great basis for a good story. My main advice is to be active in your writing and show don't tell.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J.L Kidd Jr.

6 Years Ago

Thanks so much!
:D
Very descriptive, i like that in stories. This chapter flowed very well, good job.
~Res

Posted 6 Years Ago


This passage is engrossing; it really pulled me in and made we want to know more about this fantasy realm. I have a seriously hard time with names and am impressed that you have so many that not only work with the world of the story, but sound cool. I can tell you love naming people and places: it's a great talent to have as a writer!

The only suggestion I would make for change is the part where you announce "now we begin the tale of..." This really isn't necessary and brought me out of the voice of the passage. Just start the story. I can tell it's going to be a good one :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


J.L Kidd Jr.

6 Years Ago

Thanks, i will do that. Please keep looking for the 2nd chapter which will be on sometime today.
cee26

6 Years Ago

Funny, I was going to use the "show, don't tell" example, as well. Agree with first poster. World bu.. read more
J.L Kidd Jr.

6 Years Ago

Actually in this story you will see from almost every significant characters point of view. So keep .. read more

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Added on April 17, 2013
Last Updated on May 1, 2013
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Author

J.L Kidd Jr.
J.L Kidd Jr.

Akron, OH



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Darkness Has Fallen Book 1: Finished Download link will be here soon! :) Darkness Has Fallen Book 2- The Warrior Within: Started, but no where NEAR finished more..

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