vent/rant- "a feeling"

on the spot

my bra is on the table 

in front of me

 and this chrome-book is charging; so many thoughts 

are running through my head, mostly due 

to my drinking coffee last night.

it seems apparent that my Instagram accounts aren't 

working, so this turns a chapter in my book, i've given up on social media.

it isn't a very appealing bra, the color is nude and- 

and my phone is resting on top of it,

my mom had just called me down a moment before...

social media isn't very important after all

my phone is face-down, probably thinking

thoughts aloud, but not to my frequency of hearing

i'm thinking about child consent and exploitation

 and fame and how it's all NOT FAIR!!

and then on the other hand, i'm thinking about how 

many people hate me... it's like a game to me!

it feel surreal all of a sudden, when

the thought comes into your mind

and

as i'm thinking this, i'm tasting chicken on my teeth

not cooked, raw... it's cold, raw, wild, untamed meat

and then i feel my throat constrict but i tell it not to

so it doesn't

r u reading this, o holy 1?

i feel so alive, as if someone just cast a circle of protection on me

i've always wanted to rid myself of the heavy burden of social media, 

i've prayed for it and it seems as if it's finally being answered

---

things happen, but i never wonder 'how come this has happened'

before... sure

but now they happen and i feel so joyous

there is a magic in my eyes that somehow appeared very recently

my thoughts are cutting out, aren't they

that's fine

i- 

i just felt so -- it's such a magical feeling yet-

i can't even word it

maybe-

here-

///

i'm in a forest, and it's so moist 

and damp, the air is so humid, but it feels grand

and the trees, it had just rained in this scenario

rain 

///

that is what i feel like, 

a 'just rained' forest

i feel- blessed

so very much so...