“Lessons From The Past” - Khat

PART ONE

“Lessons From The Past”

[This poem has been broken up into two parts]

7.30.21

1.35pm

.

.

THE PAST: MAN 1

.

There’s no use pretending, no use telling a lie we both know didn’t happen,

‘’

I was always the first one in,

and the last one out,

‘’

I told myself I wasn’t good enough, every time you chose your friends over me,

I told myself it was me,

I could never bring myself to blame you,

Coz of that, I’m so damaged…

I could never bring myself to hate you,

‘’

All this time I’ve been on a ride to date you,

But all along, you played me like a ragdoll,

Stringing me along for the ride I didn’t pay for, cutting up my heart like a snowflake,

Used up all my minutes telling me how much you loved me, adored me, said you’d never leave me, deceive me, dessert me, pretending to make me feel better,

But I don’t even know what I used to think I know anymore,

All that s**t went straight out the door,

That girl is so far away from me now,

‘’

S**t, man, what can I say?

You told me that you loved me then you played your f*****g games,

F*****g walked away,

Told me you had no time to waste,

Were you wasting your time with me?

Am I a waste of time, baby?

‘’

‘’THE LESSON YOU TAUGHT ME‘’

‘’

S**t… awkward man, you ain’t teach me s**t�"

Yiiiikes,

‘’

But I guess, you taught me the biggest thing of all, right?

I mean 7 years- and I learned nothing?

Is that even legit?

Nah,

I wonder what it is you learned,

Nothing prob,

Coz you made it out like I was crazy for loving you,

Like I did the damage for loving you,

I wish I didn’t love you,

‘’

I wish I could go back to that girl in the past and tell her not to love you, but she had her own mind, she wasn’t gonna listen to nobody,

Nobody could tell her what to do,

Do you see now what you’ve let loose?

You created this monster, this monster intoxicated by your rules,

‘’

Brace yourself b***h, get ready for the impact!

If she starts tweaking, there ain’t nothing in this world that’ll activate my “hold back”!

.

THE PAST: MAN 2

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All I can do is look into the mirror with my head in my hands, wondering why it took so long for me to understand,

What was it that I did wrong?

Wasn’t it me that kept singing that song?

‘’

You hated it,

I kept doing it,

‘’

You should’ve told me sooner,

‘’

How come every time I call your name,

My heart drowns in the empty silence,

We were faced with empty promises,

.

We’d end up fighting in pinstriped suits while the whole world tried to knock us down,

But we stayed standing, and we didn’t understand it,

I told you, baby,

There ain’t nothing to complain about,

‘’

But all the s**t that you did�"honestly, you did nothing, I can’t really blame you for much,

You were sweet, and kind, and caring,

The only thing I can hold against you was that one time you raised your voice at me on our one-month anniversary coz I was talking about how little time we spend together,

But,

To be frank,

That was the only complaint I had,

‘’

‘’THE LESSON YOU TAUGHT ME‘’

‘’

Because of you, now I can do better,

Coz of you telling me I’m worth it,

Coz of you always making me smile, yeah, I know it,

I’m 3worth it,

I’m worth it,

I’m worth it,

I’m worth it,

I’m worth it,

‘’

Thank you for letting me know I deserve it,

Coz I do f*****g deserve love, coz I’m worth it,

I done some s****y things and you know it,

You never failed to remind me that I still deserve it,

I deserve it,

.

THE PAST: MAN 3

.

For 18 days, I thought we had it,

Something broke out through the silence, and now I wish we hadn’t,

It crept up through the darkness,

Made me feel dishonest,

I wish I didn’t put myself on it,

‘’

Its true what they say, when they say a day can change you,

I wonder what would’ve happened if you never came through,

I think about that too much,

‘’

You took yourself out of that situation,

Left me in the shadows, searching for you,

Where the f**k were you when I was getting beaten and tattered,

Made me feel like I didn’t matter,

Did I even matter to you?

‘’

Telling me I didn’t even touch base with you,

But how could I when I was behind bars in my own home,

Just tell me that right now,

What could I have done at the time to accommodate you,

To serve you,

To fill that need,

To honor you,

Tell me what I could’ve done to worship you in your absence,

The f*****g fact is that you never loved me,

I know,

I pushed you out from day 1 b***h,

I was acting all entitled, I was a f*****g white b***h,

Hard heart, iron sword, and you broke it,

Made a f*****g puddle out of me, you f*****g played a game you knew you’d never win,

It was a setup,

Or am I delusion, thinking it was real,

You’re half the man you used to be, but less now, knowing what you’d do to me,

You knew exactly what you were doing, made it very clear, you wanted nothing from me,

Cut me out of your life like a true deadbeat,

Made it out to look like I was crazy,

Trippy,

Hazy,

I was crazy, for loving you…

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,

‘’

Well now,

Soon after you told me,

You said,

My heart will never love again,

You said that,

I heard it, you told me,

I cried, over and over , I cried, you heard me, you hate me, you’d cut me for a knife sharper than mine, well guess who’s not gonna be your wife?

‘’

‘’THE LESSON YOU TAUGHT ME‘’ 

‘’

You taught me how strong family is,

And how aggressive we are when it comes to one of us straying from the pack,

We’re like wolves,

And we don’t forgive.

 

Reviews

[JayG]

• There’s no use pretending, no use telling a lie we both know didn’t happen,

Meaningless to a reader, given that you, someone unknown, are talking TO someone we know nothing about, discussing things unknown.

It's the first line and the reader, is lost. Will it become clear later? Who cares? You’re talking about things for which the reader has no context, complaining that someone not introduced did unspecified things to that unknown speaker. That’s not poetry, it’s a latter of complaint, delivered to the wrong person. And for all we know, the person being complained to left because of the constant complaining.

The thiong to remember is that poetry doesn’t inform, it evokes the READER’S emotions. It make them CARE. The goal is to make the reader feel as you do, not know how you feel.

Someone unknown bitching that they were treated poorly, in chopped-line form is what’s often been called, a “Dismal Damsel,” poem. High School Lit magazines are filled with them. So dump that approach. Instead involve the reader. Make them care, and feel, not nod and say, “Uh-huh.” Make it meaningful to the reader. Make use of prosody, and all the tricks of the poet.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[FaeryQueen]

because of this comment, i will keep the poem, coz if i delete it, the comment gets deleted, and i think i dont want to delete this comment,

this comment means a lot because it made me do a double take, i thought you were like "boooooooooooo, this poems sucks"

but i took a positive approach

thank you

-

this also made me think about how i've been perceiving these experiences,

i honestly didnt mean to be bitchy,

i was trying to come to a conclusion about how it all made me feel

but i never came to one

-

i know its unheard of that people can be so grateful, but i sincerely am, so thank you for this comment

xx
faery

[FaeryQueen]

also, i want to do this poem justice,

i want to keep the element of these experiences

you can help

-

also im hugely honoured for the comment, you've been at this a long time, thank you for taking the time to comment

[FaeryQueen]

i have questions

you stated , "Meaningless to a reader, given that you, someone unknown, are talking TO someone we know nothing about, discussing things unknown."

does that mean your subjects should be known to the reader, what if its personal, or traumatic and you're making an allusion to it

also, here: "The thiong to remember is that poetry doesn’t inform, it evokes the READER’S emotions. It make them CARE. The goal is to make the reader feel as you do, not know how you feel."

the reason we write poetry differs from person to person, mine is to declutter,destress, and it helps w my depression, anxiety and a lot more

also, you never know whats happening behind the scenes, additionally, there is always room to improve your craft, but i have deep anxiety about a lot of what i write to the point where if i write something im not proud of, im still, by default because of simply writing it, am very proud of it

i highly appreciate these words, "Someone unknown bitching that they were treated poorly, in chopped-line form is what’s often been called, a “Dismal Damsel,” poem. High School Lit magazines are filled with them. So dump that approach. Instead involve the reader. Make them care, and feel, not nod and say, “Uh-huh.” Make it meaningful to the reader. Make use of prosody, and all the tricks of the poet."

thank you, again

xx
faery

[JayG]

You definitely have the right attitude. And that's rare on writing sites.

• does that mean your subjects should be known to the reader, what if its personal, or traumatic and you're making an allusion to it
- - - --
It’s a matter of approach. Poetry and fiction are very much alike in that their focus is emotion-based and character-centric, while the style of writing we spent so much time practicing in school is fact-based and author-centric. In that, the author—the only one on stage—is reporting and explaining, fact by fact. Informative, yes, but though you can hear emotion in the voice of the narrator, the reader has only what the words suggest to them, based on THEIR life-experience, not your intent. And for emotion, they have only punctuation, which they see AFTER they read the line (it’s why Spanish has a leading question mark.).

My favorite illustration is the horror story. If you’re writing one with the skills of nonfiction, the narrator will tell the reader that the protagonist feels terror. But the fiction writer? We terrorize the reader, and make them afraid to turn off the life. And they thank us for doing it. We don't tell the reader that our protagonist is in love, we make THEM fall in love for the same reasons.

Look at the opening lines to the song, The Twelfth of Never, a fine example of the power of poetry:

"You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you."

On L1 the author plays a trick on the reader. Instead of a series of, “how I need you lines,” he acts as if the reader has asked the question. And since it is a question any lover might ask, the reader accepts that they, too, want the answer,

So L1 is a hook. And, phrased as, “Must I explain?” a bias has been placed in that the speaker has already said, “It should be obvious.” My hat is off to Mr. Paul Francis Webster, who wrote it, plus three Academy Award songs, had sixteen songs nominated for that honor, plus one Grammy. And lots of songs that were on the charts for weeks.

And...look at the flow of the line, so far as stressed/unstressed syllables:

You ASK how MUCH I NEED you, must *I* expLAIN?

It ticks like a clock, and rolls from the tongue. And if you check, that’s the structure of every line (Making use of stressed/unstressed syllables to smooth the flow is called prosody)

Then, L2 answers the question by relating the human need to natural necessity. And L3 & 4 continues that.

In short, there’s a LOT that’s not obvious to writing poetry. And while the lines carry the rhyming form of structured poetry, nonstructured poems can benefit from managing rhythm.

While it’s not about the kind of poetry you focus on, take a look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. I think you’ll find it eye-opening.

As for the approach, your goal isn’t to make the reader say, “Aww, poor baby.” It’s to make THEM tell you, “What a b*****d that man is,” because you made them decide he is by emotionally becoming the protagonist and reacting as her.

Instead of the approach, “This happens…then that happens… and after that…” take into account that the reader needs to know where we are, what’s going on, and whose skin we wear. When you say, “I was always the first one in,” the reader has not a clue of what you mean. So for any line, ask yourself if the reader has context, either by your evoking a memory within the reader, like saying, “The shrieks of playing children,” which will call up their memories, or by providing it as or before the line is read. Context is critical, because without it, it’s just a word-salad.

Also, think in terms of cause and effect. If the protagonist does anything, as in life, it will always be because of something they decided needed some response. Make the reader know what that their motivation is for every action, and their response makes perfect sense to the reader.

And with that, I’m running down and need to finish up before I head to sleep. I hope this helps.

I have a few poems posted here that might show what I mean.