The Stranger Within Me

The Stranger Within Me

A Story by pia

 On a busy street in London, it was he who manages to catch my attention. The very essence of his attraction is so strong it makes me look up from the nugatory* social world trapped inside my phone. Against the lifeless wall of a building, he stands there looking at me with an admiring gaze. To my surprise, the young man does not frighten me. He has a soft glow to his face. The expressions on a stranger’s face never felt more welcoming and beautiful. His dark blue coat covers him good, but it still doesn’t stop me from imagining how every muscle and bone, every part of his flesh and pint of his blood radiates with confidence, emanating so brightly it seems to bring that wall to life.
   Slowing pace, my eyes fixed on him, but he didn’t seem real. Never in my life has anyone manage to catch my attention like this. Was I imagining things? Did my mind finally start playing tricks on me? At last, he smiles at me. My heart sinks. I could feel the adrenaline rush inside my blood. The expansion of arteries make my cheeks feel warm. For once in my life, I feel good about myself. The wind is on my side today, blowing my hair back as I slowly walk toward him. Time seems to have ceased for us. My pink dress probably matches the colour of my cheeks. Everything feels perfect. I, for once, feel perfect. My body is taken over by fascination and joy, and the glow on his face becomes brighter. Using those seventeen muscles in my face, I finally feel a smile spread across my lips.
   And, that is when it all begins to spiral down. What if he notices the imperfections in my teeth? What if I am not tall enough? Would I look as good as I did from far away? What if I am unable to speak fluently? Am I good enough? I stopped walking towards this person who still had his eyes on me. Is he noticing my flaws? I struggle to breathe, all my confidence is shattered and destroyed by an ambush, laid by my flaws.
   I crawl back into my shell again. The wind leaves my side, as well. It blows against me. My hair moves along with the wind, onto my face, hiding the melancholy and distress. 
   I brush it out of my eyes, only to notice how the handsome stranger’s image is slowly fading away. That glow suddenly begins dying, like the little flicker left on a melting candle.
   With the lifeless wall back to its original mundane look, the stranger was finally gone, and so were the small hints of self acceptance inside me.
   The man was not real, he was the confidence and the self love that I lacked, the force that could drive my doubts away. That stranger was my heart speaking to me, and I was the wall. 




© 2017 pia



Author's Note

pia
Author’s Note:
*nugatory = worthless, unimportant, inconsequential, valueless, trifling, trivial, insignificant, meaningless.
*i want to thank a special friend R. for helping me and motivating me to write everyday*
self love, acceptance and confidence is a stranger to me
dont worry its just fictional writing i'm not actually a sad person XD

My Review

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Featured Review

Being someone who loves to study human emotions, I found this piece both insightful and well-written. It not only had a meaningful message, but communicated that message in a strong way. I enjoyed the symbolism throughout, how it developed, how it resolved at the end, and how it was reflected in the title.
Your vocabulary and syntax are also spot-on; though, I do agree with JayG's point about the word "nugatory" ... I suggest replacing it with a simpler word.

A few more points to consider:
- The sentence that begins "the expansion of my arteries" feels a bit too specific and scientific for this story. I suggest simply saying "My cheeks begin to feel warm." The same goes for the phrase "using those seventeen muscles in my face" which I think needs to be omitted.
- Watch for switching tenses. This is written in the present tense, so part of the first sentence needs to read "it *is* he who *manages* to catch my attention."

If you need more explanation, just let me know. Based on this story, you're brilliant and deeply philosophical person ... I look forward to reading more of your works.

- William Liston

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

pia

4 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your review and advice and yes i did learn about my mistakes from jayc's revie.. read more
pia

4 Months Ago

I will be sure to read your work as well :)



Reviews

Wow. Your writing always makes me say that.
MashaAllah! (One of my friends says me to say this every time I see or read something beautiful...and your writing is worth it ;p )
The Stranger within me! Well, that's something that resides in every human being. This wall. I guess everyone has this. Some have less, some have more. And some try to climb up to cross it.
Self-confidence is what we really need in our lives to move on, to do something, to be successful, to show what "we" really are. Your writings always make me analyze my inner-self again.
Loved reading it. :)
Very(*100) Well written. :P

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


pia

3 Weeks Ago

Your reviews always make me happy !!! They complete my day
Thank you so much Ghania!!!! Ly
NerdyBeauty

3 Weeks Ago

You're always welcome, Pia.
Ly Too. :D
I love the idea presented here....self confidence personified as the perfect stranger. I have insecurity issues as well , therefore I can relate to this. This story is the inspiration for people gripped by the dark fear inflicted by low self esteem.

Posted 4 Weeks Ago


pia

4 Weeks Ago

Im glad you could find a way go relate to this and i hope it helped you out as well !
Neelam

4 Weeks Ago

Thank you for writing such a beautiful story :-)
I think your story that explores very deeply the psychological truth inside us is very true to life. We are all different but I can identify myself with the insecurity within your subject. The way that you have done this using an imaginary admirer works very wel6l.
I really like your story.
Regards,
Alan

Posted 1 Month Ago


pia

1 Month Ago

Thank you so much !!
For my first visit on your page i'm glad I picked this piece to read. Unaware of how you write, reading this is like looking into a mirror. I can imagine the cashmere sweater of insecurities just holding me down, reliving every second guess, flooding my memories with doubt. I don't appreciate my flaws and that is my downfall. Your poem helps me get in touch with those emotions I so wish to bottle up. Great writing, I feel connected to the story.

Posted 1 Month Ago


pia

1 Month Ago

thank you so much Keegan !!
very nice deep write

"The wind is on my side today, blowing my hair back as I slowly walk toward him" .... this part was sweet :)
What comes through your writing that you have a meticulous sensory system to the world. And sometimes this makes it harder to just float in the minute. We have to go with our heart and the notion to evolve inside. And just do one simple thing. Tell it when it's beautiful, tell it when you love something or someone. The key is to not to hold it inside. These thoughts came to my mind as I've read your poem. Enjoyed Pia

Posted 1 Month Ago


pia

1 Month Ago

thank you so much Elario
this was a wonderful review !!
I will mention that I do not feel like you NEED to explain what nugatory means, as that somewhat cheapens the thrill of experiencing a new word when reading something fantastic... Then hunting it down afterward... At least to me, it is part of the thrill of the process... Despite that... I found myself put at ease by the fact such vivid thoughts of self consciousness, a very relatable feeling, were put on bold display. The way she sees him, and the way she perceives his seeing her... Almost like I am walking through a crowded street myself... Plagued by sudden bursts of self-deprecation and insufferable embarrassment... The end slammed me, and brought the whole thing into sharp perspective... Took me out of my comfort zone, and made me THINK... Which is never a bad thing... In fact it is usually a very good thing. You brought a whole new level of depth to this with your careful metaphors and mind-bombs... Very well penned, and had my attention from start to finish... Especially the line where her eyes are torn from her nugatory world on the phone...

Posted 3 Months Ago


pia

3 Months Ago

Omg your avatar picture is beautiful AHAHAH XD also thankkk you so much !!!
Silente

3 Months Ago

You are most welcome... Uhh, my avatar picture... That is me, lol... Not an avatar... But, I mean..... read more
Very self-analytical and insightful story. Eloquent with great metaphor use. Good descriptive skills and imagery that draw the reader in from beginning to end. I hope you continue to work on getting through your "walls". Well-done!

Posted 4 Months Ago


pia

4 Months Ago

Thank you so much Annette
I learn something every day: nugatory. I don't like "dumbing" down, and I don't think it's out of place considering the language and words you use throughout. Besides, let 'em look it up.
Also, you already used your "arteries" to describe your warm fuzzies, so the "seventeen muscles" is not out of voice, either. I'm almost glad he wasn't real...that would have been such a potential loss otherwise. I do get the impact of the "ambush" of your flaws, but, maybe, recognizing that, when the real deal is there, she can work harder to suppress those self-destructive thoughts? Hope springs eternal, dear girl, let it be so. I liked it, it was complete but compact: I love brevity. Good job.

Posted 4 Months Ago


pia

4 Months Ago

Im so glad you liked this !!
I liked this ,you started some thought of a story,I liked the twist ,amazed me how you turned things into something different about self esteem, and feeling content would change the whole world for us..
You could have made some more dazzling thoughts injected into it..I would make it look like a psychological drama..bur it's also great as it is..I loved it

Posted 4 Months Ago


pia

4 Months Ago

Thanksss!!
You're classy I tell you :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

pia

4 Months Ago

Always "aproova" your reviews !!xD thankss
APOORVA

4 Months Ago

welcome mate :)

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Added on June 3, 2017
Last Updated on June 7, 2017

Author

pia
pia

Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan



About
https://www.instagram.com/pia_farooq I love writing about what I feel important issues symbolism And i also love writing stuff that represents my country in neutral stance where i can talk abou.. more..

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