no name

no name

A Poem by marie



gentle whispers all around

flowing softly without a sound

softest touch upon your skin

invisible hands come again


whipping crisply pushing more

setting place for all the lore

something old and still new

everywhere yet still few


tender relief from blistering heat

raging life running still

ever free from sights grasp

my lasting dream, endless task


catch me friend, come and play

my hearts desire will never stay

calmest heart, blasting fury

my free soul never bury


laughing clapping

everlasting

come and go

you'll never know


all will chase

put me in a vase

and i'll be still

bent to your will


can't get me to stay

not tomorrow or today

freedom calls

not a thing still stalls


stalling the rain

pushing the fire

here i go moving again

follow me all desire


bring you joy

bring you pain

bring your heart love again

take away one again


© 2013 marie



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Reviews

i like the cadence of this piece, it seems to sing itself to the reader...effortlessly and with graceful ease. nicely worded and cleverly penned, well done.

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much Quin!:) I'm glad you like it!!:)
The way this poem flowed, it reminded me of a feather floating to the ground with each line. I enjoyed reading this, and it almost put me in a dream-like state, however, there is also truth in your words and there were raw emotions, too.

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

The peaceful intensity in this really reflects my mood at the moment this was penned, I'm glad you l.. read more
RachelReaper

4 Years Ago

ur welcome :D
marie

4 Years Ago

:)
Hi Marie
An excellent piece. Dont think chase and vase go together except visually. Maybe "put me in my place" instead?
follow me all desire could be follow my desire?
bring your heart love again could be bring your hearts love back again?
Easier to criticize than do
you impress me
regards
terry

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

thanks for the advice, however, those lines i don't believe go along with the point in this piece
An ambiguous poem, nice work. I like the rhyme scheme.

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

Really????:)
Ethale Captor

4 Years Ago

Truly.
marie

4 Years Ago

:D
Wow, this was amazing! I loved it.

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

thank you:) i am so glad you did:)
I think this is a sublime piece. It has a natural flow and soft intensity. I like some of the imagery as well. With that said, there are a few places where you lost the rhyme scheme, I couldn't actually figure out format you were using. Some poets do get complicated in their rhyming, but when you start off with AABB in the first two stanzas and then switch to ABCC in the third stanza it sort of throws things off a bit for me. Overall, though, I think a little edit and this one could be quite nice.

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

thank you for the advice:) i'm glad you liked it:) thanks for the review:)
Amazing poem!

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

Thank you!!:)
"take away one again"

ooo i like that...and really like the "vase" stanza...

good poem...

nicely lyrical and imageful..

jacob

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

Thank you or the review I'm glad you like it:)
and i'll be still
bent to your will
the words for me read so quick with a touch of sun in them
like a good read just fulfilling
thank you for sharing

Posted 4 Years Ago


marie

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much I tried to bring elements from my God and the wind in this so I'm glad it came tog.. read more
What an amazing relaxing piece! Your skills baffle me daily!:)

Posted 4 Years Ago


Sir Joseph

4 Years Ago

i personally loved it :)
marie

4 Years Ago

Aww:*
Sir Joseph

4 Years Ago

:) :*

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375 Views
10 Reviews
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Added on March 18, 2013
Last Updated on March 18, 2013
Tags: wind, laughing, everlasting, joy, pain, heart, whispers, sking, heat, grasp, fury, bury, flowing, invisible, endless, blasting, calm, tranquil, anger, hands, soft, crisp, know, stall, call, stay, rain, firs, desire, love

Author

marie
marie

Laurel, MS



About
I have been away from this site for a while, hoping to get back into the swing of things. I recently turned 18 and have rediscovered my muse. If you wish to befriend me, please constructively review m.. more..

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