Abortion Story #10

(May 1, 2019)

On December 22nd, 2018, I was feeling off and had a suspicion that something was off. I had been extremely tired more often than not and had started having crazy cravings (mashed potatoes and shrimp was the weirdest one, but it was delicious). My period wasn't late yet, so I just wanted to rule out anything pregnancy related. At the time, I was in a really rough patch with my relationship. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic, and I was about to kick him out because enough was enough. I went home and took a digital pregnancy test and watched in horror as the screen read 'PREGNANT'. I was hysterical. I grabbed a second test, and sure enough two pink lines appeared. I was bawling my eyes out, sitting on my bathroom floor wondering what kind of sick joke this was and why it was happening to me. I called up my best friend and told her everything through tears. I then called my boyfriend and told him that I had a suspicion. The drive out to my best friend's house was the longest ride of my life. I cried to her and we talked a lot. I decided to make an appointment with Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy consultation, and all of my options.


Christmas came and went, and on December 27th, I left my last day of work an hour early to go to the ER because of severe cramping that left me physically incapable of moving. I took my best friend and another close friend with me. When we arrived, I stated my reasoning for the visit. They asked me when my last period was, and for how long, among other things. "But your period isn't even technically late yet, how do you know you're pregnant?!" the woman asked. I explained the two tests. One urine sample. I get situated into my room and change into the gown. They take my vitals and send me to radiology to get an ultrasound done. First they tried an external test and couldn't see anything. Then, they did a vaginal test and still could not see a thing. Back to my hospital room, they take my information and draw six vials of blood. Nurses come and go as the hours pass. Finally, after about 4 hours of being there, a nurse comes in to speak with me. "So, the tests came back positive that you are pregnant! Congratulations!" the nurse gushes and asks me about my personal life. She prescribed me prenatal vitamins, but never once mentioned my cramping. She hands me the prescription and a referral for the hospital's OBGYN. My friends then remind the nurse that this is all information that I was aware of, and the reason why I came has not been solved.


They asked her questions on what to do if I was unsure of how to continue or discontinue the pregnancy. She explained to me that she was unsure if the OBGYN the hospital was affiliated with would perform the procedure, but Planned Parenthood was a good option. When we left the hospital, I felt totally defeated. I was unsure of how I was feeling and just wanted it all to be a dream. My heart really wanted a baby, and still does, but I knew that I couldn't provide for a child. I wasn't stable in my relationship, barely made ends meet, and I was surely not ready to be a single parent if I had to. I made a tough call and decided to have an abortion. My pregnancy was getting more and more intense by the day, as the cramps continued and grew in intensity and morning sickness was now a constant. My appointment was on January 8th, 2019. The morning sickness took over to the point that I couldn't even hold down water or Pedialyte. I had to stay home sick on the 7th, 8th, and 9th due to the severity. Once it came time for my appointment, I felt relief. They explained my two options; Since I was approximately six weeks at the time, I had the option to take a set of pills or go through with the more invasive option. I chose the pills, and they started the process. They gave me mifepristone at the office that was designed to stop my body from producing the hormone progesterone, which stops the pregnancy from growing.


24 hours later, I took misoprostol, which induces cramping and bleeding to empty the uterus. The first pill gave me no side effects, but didn't seem to make a difference in the morning sickness. The second pill, however, was a mess. I was on a high dose of narcotic pain medication, and the pain was unreal. Hot and cold flashes, fever, shakes, dizziness, and nausea were just a few side effects, not to mention the horrible bleeding. Typically my periods are very heavy and tend to last up to 8 days, so the clots were large and painful to pass. The next morning, I felt like a new person. I went back to work and couldn't have been happier. The 15th of January I went back for a follow-up and the process worked. I went on the Depo Provera shot as a preventative and to help slow down any bleeding I had left. My bleeding stopped briefly, and then continued for 26 consecutive days. The mix of hormones entering and exiting my body as well as going through a tough experience led me to fall into a depression. I was constantly emotional and overrun by thoughts of suicide. Thankfully that's all over with and I feel good again.


There may still be some questions that you may be having while reading this, and here's a couple answers to them:

Yes, my boyfriend and I are still together. He is doing wonderful on his path of recovery and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Yes, the decision was made between the two of us, not just myself.

Yes, my family and friends were supportive and helped me through every step of the way.

Am I afraid that my abortion/birth control method could cause complications with a pregnancy in the future?
That is a valid thought, but think of it this way: any pregnancy can have complications early on, later on, or the whole term, regardless of who they are and their medical history. I will always be concerned with complications anyway.


Do we regret our decision?
Well, yes and no. Yes, simply because we both want children in the future. I have my ultrasound photo framed on my bedside table, and sometimes I wonder how different life would be if I hadn't gone through with it and kept going.
No, because we made a decision based on our situation. We had only been together for less than a year, he is recovering, and we could definitely never support a child with the way we live right now. It was overall the best decision.

So I urge you, women's healthcare and reproductive rights don't just affect women, they affect everyone around them. Planned Parenthood was wonderful and really made me feel comfortable and safe throughout everything. Talk to senators, family members, anyone with ears about the importance of giving women the right to choose and easy access to medical care.

- J.F.