Final Eulogy

Read author's note

Would it be better
If I slit my wrists then?
Would it have changed
If I kept playing pretend?
Would the notion
Of being alright
Slowly come back
Into this dying light?
~*~
If I were to die
Where would you stand?
Would you hold another
While I drown in sin?
Would you save me from nothing
Yet everything alike
Or let time kill me?
The choice is yours tonight.
~*~
Putting forth everything
It's learning to fall
Life's greatest lessons
Posses it all
If only I knew
How to replace the pain
Tomorrow would be a grander day
~*~
Imagine my life
Before your eyes
If taken
Would you then understand why?
What about the note
What would you read
IF you honestly knew
What you think you knew about me?
~*~
Jealousy was an issue
I let that show
But something like this
Could have been pure gold
For now I'm nothing
Left in defeat
I'm hope your happy
You've truly killed me
~*~
Medically induced
To stop the rampage
If only you knew
All the mind games
I'd kill to be perfect
To live as you
But how would it feel
Walking in my shoes?
~*~
Marked is a stone
I hope it will read
"Mother of 2,
Love to me."
If only there were actions
That could fix the sin
Maybe then
I would let you back in

~*~

Heartache has caused me
To run away
All this time searching
For the perfect words to say
Mark the letter
I hope to shed some light
Maybe next time
You'll play it off right.
~*~
Would it be better
If I slit my wrists then?
Would it have changed
If I kept playing pretend?
Would the notion
Of being alright
Slowly come back
Into this dying light?

Author's Note

I feel lost, I have no other option. I don't want to be selfish, But at the same time I want it all to get better. I am trying to forget and at times I do, But you know at the end of the day, I can't shake this cloud that has been eating at me sense I found out about this whole situation. I wasn't good enough, I do see that, but it doesn't stop the hope from being there, that maybe this time things will be different. It's pushing me over the edge. I'm sure that there a quite a few people that would love to see me give up and die. And to be honest, I would love too. Just so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Just get it over with, After all, What is one more name on the list of dead poets. It's starting to feel like I can't do anything right. So with that said. I wrote this poem, trying to at least get most of what I was feeling out.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem crushed my heart. I can honestly say that I gave me a little joy to see that you have had activity on your account since it has been published. There were moments where it was a bit scary. Although life can leave us battered and bruised...we have to understand that:

Sometimes the guilt we carry is not ours to own.

[panheadpigments]

-.- Your actions? Huh yeah.

[MAC]

A very honest piece that just puts the entire world on hold. As a person you are loved....very much....if not by those around you then I can assure you by me. You are a fellow being on this planet and you are not just another poet. You are so much more than that. You are part of the foundation to life and without you the foundation shall be weaken. Love your poem it made me feel things I haven't in so long and it made me think about whether I as a part of the being nation am doing the best I can. I don't think before this poem I was....thank you!

[Suzy Q]

I love when words can make me cry. And yours just did. I love this poem. It's now one of my favorites. The poem left me kind of speechless, but I will give you this: Life is precious. And even in those moments we think we can't, we should find the will to. We have a purpose in life yet sometimes it takes us a while to find it. Time will help you heal. There's no need for negative thoughts. Hakuna matata, right? And lastly: If you love something, then let it go.
Thank you for writing this.

[CharlesMonroe]

Ali.... ):

[RedInk524]

Powerful, i like the personal topic. When you feel the need to bleed its better to do so on paper through your pen than through your wrists. Keep writing and hope this storm passes soon.

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

Well you do one thing perfect and I am sure there is much much more. But you have a magical pen and you know how to use it. xoxo
If you are a mother of two Ali you have everything to live for. I can relate to your pain but when I think of leaving children with that kind of legacy I would much rather suffer through then leave them alone without a mother.

[Layla J Omorose]

This poem speaks volumes of pain and hurt and betrayal. It shows this by going through stages. It seems to hold the readers hand and guides them through the pain of the poem so not to get lost. From the first stanza to the last the poem maintained its intensity and guidance. It wasn't to long or to short but just enough to give the reader a glimpse into how you/author is feeling. With that being said about your poem I just wanted to say this...people around you do not define you. There will always be those who hate and want you to do bad because they themselves have hurt and anger from something in their life. Its no problem to once and a while feel pain and anger and hurt it is a part of life but do not let it consume you. If these people around you have the ability to change your mood and how you feel about yourself than they have control over you. You have to control your own life and love yourself. If you don't love yourself you can't truly love someone else. Life is hard period, humans by nature are designed to be hateful but you cannot let that stop you from living your life. We all will pass on when we are meant to until then you must live your life and gain all the joy you can. People make you feel as if you are worthless and that you can't do anything right when you being to become your own person and do your own thing. When your start doing what they can and you smile through the pain. Dieing and death are the easiest parts of life its the living part that is hard but you cannot give up because I am sure there are those around you who love you and would miss you. YOU CANNOT let these people make you feel less than. They only have that power cause you gave it to them. There is nothing wrong with hoping for the best or that things will be different but there comes a point where you must realize what is best for you and makes you happy. Please do not join the long list of poets that have killed themselves because of others. The world of poetry needs all the poets it can get.

Your writing is both motivational and inspirational it comes from your heart and therefore they are great works with conviction and emotion....I look forward to reading your next piece

[Sweet Emotions]

This made me so sad. The powerful, overwhelming emotions you feel really show here. I hope you're feeling better now, or at least getting help. You have kids to care for, you can't leave them so face the world alone. You can be strong, Ali. You can fight through whatever this dark period is, and you will find a better one coming.

[knowman]

I feel sadness when I read this write.