SCRIBBLES

my city drives me to write

I amble along city streets

skin to skin shoppers, fast pace

people watchers, tots wailing

car fumes, taxis swerve, screech, sirens

turmoil of the mind

I bear my moody thoughts with me

my brown, cracked leather journal

copious scribbles sticks to my hip

I jot down slivers of life

Couples smooch

bikers deliver food

pregnant woman waddles along

two toddlers ride their bikes

homeless man, face concealed

slumbers on a rickety bench

The city unveils me

My cracked journal preaches

deep in my core

I fetch myself

in a silent universe

begs me to write

upon the chaos around me

where I slip into my inner self

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think this is great. You do a wonderful job of expressing the hustle and bustle of the inner city in your work. I've been to quite a few big cities, Dallas, New Orleans, St. Louis, to name a few. There's a line from Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street that comes to mind,"This city desert makes you feel so cold/It's got so many people, but it's got no soul..." I can never wait to get back to my beloved Appalachians. I guess you can take Billy out of the hills but you can't take the hills out of hillbillies. :)

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks Fabian, great review !

[barleygirl]

Well-flowing spill of thoughts we want to write about someday. Sounds a little like my own notebook which stays by the bed for my over-active late-night mind. This brings to mind one of my "preaches" about the writers life . . . you HAVE to be a diligent observer! It's only when writers get down to the detailed level, word painting a scene for all the senses, that's when writing comes alive. You SHOW instead of tell what it looks like to be devoted to this priceless aspect of one's writing journey - observation! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Betty Hermelee]

I'm trying Margie, and I love it!!! Thanks for your lovely review!!

[Lea Sheryn]

A good writer knows how to watch people and express, in words, what they have seen around them. Well done, Betty.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you Lea, quite a compliment; have been in middle of move, but will get your next piece ASAP!!!
Thanks always for reading Betty

[Lea Sheryn]

You're welcome, Betty. Good luck with your move.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thanks Lea

[emmajoy]

Looking around, not merely wandering without care, not locked in a self induced bubble, helps one see more than what's actually there because.. in noticing people, actions etc. they become majestic and special. You've created a real sense of life and all its scenes, moods, plus, used great and memorable language,

' bear my moody thoughts - with me - my brown, cracked leather journal - copious scribbles sticks to my hip - I jot down slivers of life ' Journals are harbours in a way where words take refuge til they're need.. and petry hovers, waiting. Special writing.. will read again. Thank you!

[Betty Hermelee]

Wow! thank you so much for that wonderful review!!!
fondly, Betty

[emmajoy]

You're more than welcome.. My time is so limited at present and to find poetry that takes me into places and emotions i so miss, is precious Keep safe, Betty. Must away. x

[LJ]

This is a good poem. It reveals many (rather uncomfortable?) feelings one can have alone in a crowd. I like the quick glimpses of people, somehow shown with emotion that's not written here. The pace is good because it matches that of a busy city street.
I actually would've liked it if this were longer. I wonder what things smelled like, what a few buildings were like, the sky you ultimately mention as "the universe" - which is inside you.
I think the set-up could be a bit more flowing if you used more blank spaces, to show off words that sort of 'trip along' at some points and slow at others. Indents can also literally show those things, like a staircase of fast words stepping down. Just an idea.
As for word choices, many are sneakily interesting - like "two toddlers ride their bikes" - toddlers on bikes is a new sight for me, and I like that. Then there are two verbs that seemed cliche to me - "...smooch" and "...waddles" - but as said, that's only opinion.
The end was a touch confusing but rereads helped, and it's a wonderful end, to reach inside. I wish you'd gone with that description a little more, because I think it's fascinating.
I like your work (though I've only read one other) and hope we can exchange views. I'm glad you carry that journal, whether metaphorically or really. Thank you for this poem.

[Betty Hermelee]

Welcome back to the Cafe!!! And thank you for your critique! Most of my poems are short and with vivid images. I write about my life, nature, slices of other's lives; so you won't see long essays as I do snippets which have meaning without too much fluff. Fondly, Betty

[NotUsinganymore]

Very beautiful poem about writing. Writing is important and uniqe.

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you for your kind comment