On Simplicity ...

free verse; experimental

There's a moment before

a smile comes to life,

as there's a moment

when a clock's hand

ceases to mark the hour ...

and in that moment,

a lily dances ...

rain rises from the ground

to kiss forsaken skies,

and a woman's tears

drench the earth,

giving rhythm 

to another's smile.

Author's Note

I doubt this makes sense outside my own mind, but I'd still like to know your thoughts and interpretations. Please leave an honest review. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Reviews

[Sapientiam]

Regardless on whether you yourself understands this poem, many readers can come up with their ideas on it because it is a very imaginative piece. I don't exactly know what the meaning is, but I saw it as portraying the moment in time before a smile flourishes on someone's face, that gap where all expectations will come true and true joy expresses itself. It's funny how I found this poem today because yesterday I had to make a speech in front of a large audience and before I spoke, I smiled at one person. That person smiled back, and it caused a chain reaction. I think this poem is also talking about the benevolent influence that one's joy can have on others, either internal or external. The mere sight of a smile can change someone's life, I learned... Great job!

[William Liston]

Thank you for sharing your interpretation. It was interesting to read. I greatly appreciate your review.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

impassioned lines!
"There's a moment before
a smile comes to life,
as there's a moment
when a clock's hand
ceases to mark the hour..."
loved reading!

[William Liston]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.

[FIN]

I enjoyed the perspective of being in-between time (even though there are milliseconds) this poem plays out well, if only for the fact of drifting me into that space beyond time itself.

Critique: these lines puzzled me...

" and a woman's tears
drench the earth,
giving rhythm
to another's smile."

Now everything was positive before this woman crying; but they could be tears of joy, just to clarify... is that the intended route? I'd perceive it to be so, but am unclear, within the poem. Am I to assume such, because all the above is possitive?

Or is it to express that "tears" are to be looked upon as the previously stated "rain" which kisses the forsaken sky, continuing the cycle/rhythm of happiness?

it was an intriguing read and nice free-verse, sans the misunderstanding, even without *any* rhyme or sense of rhythm.

Much love,

LR

[William Liston]

Thank you so much for your kind words and critiques. I really appreciate it. Regarding your misunderstanding: This piece is meant to capture the beauty and uniqueness of all types of moments in life, whether good or bad. With that being said, the "woman's tears" part was meant to add color to the various hues within this piece ~ the woman for her sense of person and the "tears" for their ambiguous symbolic meaning ... adds depth in my opinion. I may change this piece in the future, but for now, I'll leave it as is.

Thanks again for your contructive review.

[FIN]

Interesting, I enjoy perceiving the entirety of the poem (especially the tears) as positive, so that's how I'll imagine it.

Although you're right, adding the woman does add depth to the poem.

Thank you for clarifying,

Friend.

Much love,

LR

[FIN]

And, in my eyes, the woman adds beauty as well.

If ambiguity was the desired route to let it play out in the reader's mind. I highly enjoyed the contemplation and creation alongside you!

[lightsong]

It feels wistful and warm, those moment that take Your breath away, in joy or pain, when time stops and eternity owned in the now moment, Earth and Sky bonding into one universe, I feel the first breath, the last one too, in other words, I feel life and death, rebirth, and Immortality.

Brilliantly and tenderly done, Thank You*

[William Liston]

I agree with what you just said. Thanks for reviewing.