With Pain Comes Success

With Pain Comes Success

A Poem by Daniel Soloye
"

I Wrote this when I was Fifteen as a short poem Read and Tell me what you think

"
Ambitions to succeed
With the determination of a hundred solider
Hindered by visions of death tears and pain 
That I've Encounter during the short years 
that I've walk the lonely earth
Visions of Pain 
That cannot be erased 
Only For The Success to poke Its 
Weary head through the concerete of my soul
Chanting with pain comes success

© 2010 Daniel Soloye


Author's Note

Daniel Soloye
Ignore grammar problems
Review please opinions and bare in mind I was fifteen thank you

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Featured Review

If you read my profile I really dont care about grammer its about art.

" Ambitions to succeed with determination of a hundred soldier, Hindered by death tears and pain "

I picked the first two lines because I feel that you are correct when you say that death , pain , and tears hinder people from achieving there dreams.

When you are nutured in a enviorment that does everthing it can to make sure cant succeed you are almost guarnteed to fail.



I think this was a great piece , you were writing about what was on your mind. I't had a great flow and tone. Nicely done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Good job. I like how is short but meaningful.

Posted 9 Years Ago


this was very meaningful bro...
such a good message...

Posted 9 Years Ago


Very true and definitely thought provoking. Not a lot of words but packs a strong punch. Well done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


i like how it's short but i think it would be really good if it was expanded upon

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

From the heart, as most of your speech or poems are. I like the way you are able to reach people with your words.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thats wonderful. I love how true it is and this is truely better then I can do and will ever be able to do and I am 15

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

An excellent thought fleshed out well.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I hope this will be true of me. I hope that I will be able to use my pain for something better. I think its interesting that you used a Van Gohn painting as an image for this.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

For a 15 years old writer like you, this was already too deep, too mature. Very well written. :)

I don't care about the grammar, I care about how you use words and your idea on how you will let readers (like me) relate to it. It was short yet had brought a lot of thoughts to me. I have been through bad experiences and I believe that I will feel more pain for the coming years. This had inspired me to be more of a dreamer and be firm to achieve my goals in life.

:)

Posted 9 Years Ago


"Chanting with pain comes success"..translated to me as "No pain, no gain". I think these words are so true. Good job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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2635 Views
41 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on December 3, 2010
Last Updated on December 3, 2010
Tags: With, Pain, Comes, Success, 15 Years Old, Writer, 15, Daniel Soloye