Feels Like Forever...

Woke up this morning, feels like forever since the mourning of your name...

In shame I hid tethered to fame, a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame

I'm gaining momentum like rain, a zany feelin' bein' clean

weaning myself off the draining lifestyle, my grind paid in dreams

My time stood-still, feels like December when your clever weather was stormy

I grew gills and stormed on... 

A starship trooper in September, I ran around in embers

no space vacuum in dust, I grin and shoulder on

In my holster a wand, it sings songs about wrongs

atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity

I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us

I know she will not see this, I'm just a bleeding creature...

So whisper feels like forever

...Leave it

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

okay I wrote a song about twenty five years ago and reading this made me remember it its a bit sketchy in my sketchy bunny mind but.....
Woke up this morning,
got out of bed
evenings pleasure
drove in my head
don't know what I'm doing
maybe Ill find a job...
oh i can see now
I'll just pack my things and go
(refrain thing)
Life would be better
these things I'm sure I'll know
the Lowcale solution

okay you can go back to your regularly scheduled program :)

I say this partly of the intention of the write and partly because this reads like a song and like my song it sounds like a very happy tune but it is full of unhappy things in a sort of sardonic looney tunes melody
like my locale solution isn't one in dieting (change your lifestyle not your caloric intake!) and (change how you live not where you live and moving) to cure your ills neither is your write of blight and you scream it as such with a sublime beauty in that wonderful voice of yours. Oh yeah I love that you use mourning like me you are one sexy writer silent:) the the the the thats all the bunny has to say:)

[Chase Dylan]

A nice ditty, my friend...
Thanks for it, aha
Morning
Mourning
...Who could resist...
Not our sexy-voiced selves
I am merely happy to be a vessel of which to ship the feelz...
All that follows is a pleasure to see

[rowan.taylorrr]

this is amazing.. it brought me to tears honestly. it reminds me of my own experiences in the past. losing a loved one hurts, it hurts more than you can imagine until happebs

[Chase Dylan]

I would hope they were good tears, XO... So very honored to have brought such emotion to you... Thank you, and it hurts more than anyone could ever articulate...

[Rubein Geterminah]

The lost of a love one hurts but the memories keep.
And most of the time, we find escape through expressions of our deeper emotional states in such times as writers.
Well versed.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, SRG... They do indeed...

[Rubein Geterminah]

Welcome Silente

[The Iron Horseman]

Gritty, dark, sad and desperate would be mt take, Am I right?
The only line that threw me was 'atrocities gonged through the city'. I have no frame of reference; not knowing what city I cannot guess what atrocities are being referred to. Want to help me out with that?
Nice work.

[Chase Dylan]

The reader is always right when translating emotion from word to mind... I would love to help you out, if I had a fixed city, or atrocities in my head when writing this... I am absolutely all about the flow landscape and sounds, more so than concrete meanings... Thank you, Iron... I appreciate your take on this, and the thoughtful question...!

[The Iron Horseman]

You're welcome. Thank you for explaining. I will remember that you are more about the abstract when I read your future work.

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

you nailed this one...no, you kill everything you write...

[Chase Dylan]

Dakalo/Earth... You kill every review you write, thanks again for the support...!

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

anytime...

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

"Whisper feels like forever"-such well- described grief is compelling and profound. Wordage and style are so original and rhythmic- absorbing and carries you on a wild ride until the end. Stellar.

[Chase Dylan]

Stellar, Higley... Your words are profound themselves... Thanks so much...

[Paul Bell]

That's the thing with mourning. You never know when to start. Time always seems to get ahead of you.
So, no mourning, no hurt. Though that probably doesn't work either.

[Chase Dylan]

W/e works... As long as the working is not hurting... Heh...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

several good lines...the backseat driver...she will be for the rest of your life...you will see her in that mirror...and you will hear her as she warns you of what to do and what not to do to keep the next passenger in your life happy. and that car just keeps speeding up, going through life at breakneck speed---that way the scenery doesn't eat away at us as much.

[Chase Dylan]

Hmm, I was intrigued by this, JEC, thank you for the words... They were actually... Quite spot-on in a way...

[Chris]

Imagery with an "afterstaste"... and a lifetime's of tones to hear and live through.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you, Chris, I will taste the kindness in your words long after reading...

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

I rate you one of the best and saved all your poems and if you were to tell me how you write such perfect English I would be greatfull.
pleaseee... I am your number 1 fan, the first ant the last

[Chase Dylan]

Haha, well wow, Dakalo... You humble me with your adulation... I was not aware I had any fans, much less a number one fan... I would be more than willing to help you out however I can! I love to help writers...

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

You'RE the only writer that excite me, I mean the only one, u give me power to read and study even though I am tired...I just love every sentence you write

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks again for the stunning praise, Mr. D... You inspire me, knowing that someone loves what I write so much... Always keep studying and reading...